Communitcation
Do you all ever text SKids asking questions, do you have any communication with them, about general info a bioparent would ask?
Example tonight is parent teachers confrences, DH asked me to get a list of SD teachers. (dh is driving a dump truck today so he wont have time to ask, and its just faster for me to, i have a desk job). I text SD, she replies that they dont have them tonight. I said your dad received a paper, so please just send it, and with in seconds a I get a text from BM, pretty much I have no reason to have that info. BM does not like me talking to SD at all, BM view point is I have no say in SD life at all, that I need to back off. I do most of the time, but i do stand my ground with things.
I get that to a point, but I also get SD comes to my house, is in my life, and I do alot for SD so i should have some say. (Such as no phone at our house, it shoud not have to be DH that says in, my house also my rules.) Dh backs me on everything but unless it comes from DH it doesnt mean crap to BM or SD. I get annoyed, BM has told SD she does not have to listen to me many times.
I am just wondering is this normal? Do all BMs have that much hatered toward the SO, I am going on year 12 with DH. I am pretty sure this is going to be a forever thing lol. But she does treat her husband the same way a little bit, he has no say in SD life. If SD gets in trouble he isnt allowed to have imput.
BM cant get off work till 5, we going at 3, I was not going to go but now they are being so awful I think I need to. (plus any time I get with DH i will take). BM also told DH that he can't go until she is there, its like they are hiding something. We hear a little bit of what SD tells us about her attitude at school, but I think this may be a real eye opener to how she is at BMs.
I am not involved with my
I am not involved with my skids stuff. DH tries to get me to go to their band concerts etc but I tell him no. I have better things to do with my time then see BM and the skids LOL!! The less I deal with all of them the better off I am. BM is a reptile she hides everything from my DH when it comes to the skids unless she wants something. I told DH to go up to the skid's school and show them the CO and he can know more about what is going on with his kid's instead of having to deal with BM but he has yet to do that. I do not deal with BM at all and I don't because she is a sociopath.
I text both SSs things like
I text both SSs things like that all the time. Actually, I am getting ready to text SS11 to see why he didn'g bring his baseball bag with him when he transitioned to our house yesterday, and what he is doing since he has practice tonght.
The way my DH and I see it, I run our home. I do all the scheduling of things, and the running around and homework, and we don't care if she likes it or not. It sounds like you have a good support in DH and he backs you with the biowhore and treats you as an equity life partner.
Keep doing you, boo.
My SO's kids are too young to
My SO's kids are too young to text, but I'll text BM to ask a question about logistics or P/T conferences and she'll do the same with me. SO and BM mostly communicate with each other, but sometimes it's easier (like when SO is at work) for BM to just call/text me and vice versa. Plus I'm way more organized than SO and BM knows it.
BM here is sane and has a good relationship with SO, so none of this is a big deal. I'm sure, assuming things remain the same, when the skids are older I'll text them directly for information like what you were trying to get, and BM is unlikely to have an issue with it. Fingers crossed that our fairly good situation remains good.
In the time it took him to
In the time it took him to ask you to ask sd to ask bm, he could have done this himself. Also, it's the end of the term and he doesn't know who is teaching his kid yet? Bm shouldn't have to communicate any of this to you, and maybe not even her ex. DH should be contacting the school and getting the information like every other parent.
After 12 years, you'd think
After 12 years, you'd think you guys would expect a response like that - why keep trying? DH can pull over his truck and send her a text.
I never communicated with BM or SS. Not my job.
Nope
i have limited text convo with YSS12 but that is only when he needs something or forgot something at our house and DH is gone. I don’t even have phone numbers for MSS or OSS. Probably a good thing or I would be tempted to let them know how horrible they are when they mistreat DH.
Same goes for BM. I don’t communicTe with her unless it’s an emergency. I don’t even have BMs SO’s phone number since they changed it.
None of my skids have my number
Or the exwife. I don’t get involved with any school/university issues or any problems. I stay the hell out...
hubby wouldn’t hand my number over without permissions and frankly speaking he and the crazy exwife deal with their own kds problems, don’t rope me into it as i have enough business in my life with 2 toddlers who are very hands on and running a household. 4 years plus married and nothing has changed
In the beginning, no but now
In the beginning my SS BM hated me and I did her. We were locked into a power struggle. She still wanted to dictate my DHs life and I wasnt having that. I am 10 years younger than her and my DH, I was 19 when we married, and this made for some very trying times when it came to dealing with her, she viewed me as a "child" and beneath her. She also struggled with another woman taking care of her son. My SS was caught in the middle, he faught loving me out of loyalty to his BM. Many times I heard "my mom says youre not my mother and I dont have to listen to a kid" After about 10 years it got better. Once she and I found common ground, which was her becoming a SM herself, things just blossomed with my SS. We texted when he was in his teen years and still do now. I am 19 years in now and SS is 24. I actually called BM 3 days ago to chat about SSs recent break up. Maybe it will get better for you as well.
Not normal
ToTheEnd, to answer your question, no, it isn't normal. Unfortunately, BM is like so many others in this world who are resentful and insecure so they act badly. They make life hell. If we were all perfectly self-actualized people, we'd all live happily together in an extended family and work in partnership to raise the kids in a healthy environment. Too bad we don't live in that world.
Best of luck to you. It sounds like you're trying your best to do the right thing.
My ex also doesn't know his
My ex also doesn't know his own kids' teachers. He's never once been to a teacher meeting. At the beginning of this school year I told him info was on the school websites and I'm done telling him what's going on. If I, the BM, don't tell him anything, he won't bother finding it out on his own. I felt guilty for awhile, because I knew if I didn't inform and remind, he'd miss the breakfast with dads and the father daughter dances and all that stuff. Sure enough, he's done absolutely nothing for this whole school year. I don't know why ncp are like this. But it's ok bc my kids' stepfather is a wonderful step parent and does all that stuff. The parents are responsible for knowing what's going on and finding out teachers at the beginning, or being in contact with the school. I don't need to ask my ex for this info, he can find out just as easily as I do.