Coercing lies out of SS to Child Protective Service
Before my SS(11) went to BF house for his week long visit (summer schedule) My wife and I had BF served for not paying CS. (he owes her nearly 15,000 in back pay, we haven't received a payment in 2017) We made sure that the child was inside and completely unaware of what was happening before we called him down to leave. The reason we had to serve BF in this way is that his mother (with whom he lives) lied to the police and said he no longer lived at that residence. SS had no clue BF had just been served. So....
SS(11) came home from his week long visit with BF and was very upset. BF had spent the week talking trash about his mother and I. BF had referred to BM as a "miserable bitch" all week and threatened to beat me with a whip multiple times. He also was trying to coach him into telling Child Protective Services that we physically abuse him.
I suspect this stemmed from my wife using a flimsy fly swatter on his calf a couple of years ago when we caught him stealing Pokemon cards when we told him we weren't buying him any. He then lied about stealing the cards for the better part of an hour. This is one of 3 times in 11 years that corporal punishment has been used in our house. We reserve it for a major mistake (Picking fights, cheating, stealing etc...) and repeatedly lying about the mistake, and a cheap fly swatter is used. The noise of it swishing is scarier than anything. It doesn't really hurt. Anyway...
He didn't want to go or talk with Child Protective Services. We do not abuse the child. We have a very safe and loving house. The poor kid had to deal with this for an entire week. We told SS he's trying to get him to lie so his mother and I would be in trouble with the authorities. He was angry and upset.
No report has been filed yet, but I suspect he isn't going to let this go. It's a clear retaliation because we're pushing the enforcement of the CS payments and I'm disgusted that he's using his child as a pawn to try to hurt us. Our plan is to be open and not to be nervous. We have nothing to hide. My wife is petrified of having the child removed. Does anyone else have any experience in dealing with false claims with a child service? Any advice or suggestions? Could he get in trouble for coercing a lie?
Thank you in advance for your input.
little piece of advice... the
little piece of advice...
the CS is for the kid not for you... stay out of it
I am out of it... She had him
I am out of it... She had him served. We live under the same roof. We pay for clothes, Insurance, medical bills, field trips, food etc... My wife and I provide a home for the kids. One of which is HIS kid. She holds up her end of the custody agreement (visitation), so should he. Don't insinuate I'm "after some money". The money isn't the point for my wife, nor the point of the post. It's the message being sent to SS. BF hasn't worked in years and plays video games all day at 40. He lives with mom. SS has openly stated "why should I work hard, my dad doesn't work hard and he's fine". BF has a "work is for suckers" attitude. IS that the message you want taught to an 11 year old? We work very hard to provide a nice safe, comfortable life. He doesn't. I'd like to stay on topic of child protective services....
Can you please have a talk
Can you please have a talk with my skids BM? She thinks CS is for her to get her hair and nails done and for drinking at the bar.
The OP gave the impression
The OP gave the impression that he is the one driving this and that he has any say in it, which he doesn't cause it's between his wife and her ex husband, I got the impression that the OP wants the CS..... cause his life is depending on it.... and his marriage....
In my view, he should step back, it's between the wife and her ex husband.
OP only explained later what the situation really is about and that he's looking for advice how he can support his wife through this.
Tell your attorney what
Tell your attorney what happened while the child was with the BF so that there is documentation of the incident and ask if their are other steps you should take.
Good advice in the above
Good advice in the above reply.
Don't get too worried. This isn't the first time some deadbeat parent filed a false report to CPS in retaliation. The timing alone will speak volumes.
Do have the wife tell her lawyer in an email with time, date, circumstances, and every detail kid told you. She should start keeping a log of visitation taken and all this crap he's up to...moving, lying, manipulating.
An investigation will find a happy stable home for SS and a loser dad, if that's what the reality is.
Thanks for the replies.
Thanks for the replies. These are all things we do anyway. BF is just grasping at straws right now.
I know the intent of CPS is to keep kids in a safe and loving home, but I do read and hear about horror stories. I just wanted to know if anyone had a bad experience with case workers that were overzealous. I'm just going to have to trust the process and keep moving forward. Thanks again
My daughter works for CPS and
My daughter works for CPS and she is excited when parents pass their drug test. CPS workers do not enjoy removing kids. It's actually alot of extra work for them. They are not rewarded for how many kids they take away.
Awesome. Thank you. I guess
Awesome. Thank you. I guess I was really concerned about the "mindset" of the case worker.
I was worried about getting a new employee with something to prove. I imagine there has to be some sort of a training period to make sure that the new employee isn't chasing ghosts or missing red flags.
We'll see what comes of it. SS goes back for another week long visit on Sunday. He's already worried that he's going to have another week like the last one. I still can't believe he would put him in the middle of all this. We do our best to keep him out of adult disputes. He's 11, this shouldn't even be on his radar.
I was investigated because
I was investigated because exH made false accusations while we were going through a divorce. A social worker came in, looked around the house, asked me a lot of questions then interviewed each child separately. They also made the children disrobe to see if there were any bruises.
Three weeks pass and I hear nothing, then I get a letter stating that the "allegations of abuse are unfounded." It was a lot of stress and worry all over exH trying to get the upper hand. He claimed abuse during our proceedings and I whipped out my letter. I'm sure this is very common in custody cases. Just CYA and you'll be fine.
Thank you. The stress of
Thank you. The stress of that process had to be a lot to face. I hope we don't have to go through it. My wife is a bundle of anxiety when it comes to dealing with her ex. I believe this is part of the reason he pushes these buttons. He knows it tortures her, and by proxy, me.
A little off topic, but I think it would help explain our anxiety. She doesn't trust the system, or men for that matter. We've been together for 7, nearly 8, years and "I'm the only man that has never let her down". Her words. She had to suffer through a father running out when she was 6, an abusive step father for almost a decade (beatings and emotional abuse), 2 ex husbands that cheated and manipulated(foreclosed homes, threats with guns and drug habits) and another step dad that made passes at her in her early 20's (cops had to be called).
I'm very protective of her and our life because our house is the only security and safety she's ever known. She didn't think good men and stable families were real. We met each other and worked very hard putting ourselves through school so that we could get away from those kind of people (I have my own list of users). Her ex is our only tie to that world of sleazy users.
We have one last tentacle from that old life that wedges itself into our nice, clean, safe, loving home that we built together. We have a good life. The only exceptions being the occasional SS behavioral issue and the typical stress that goes with working. It's hard to keep looking forward when the past keeps throwing rocks at you from behind.
Just a quick update if
Just a quick update if anybody is interested.
The BF did file a report with child services and the police at his lawyers office (the lawyer is paid by a family trust fund set up exclusively for legal fees. They run to the lawyer for everything). Neither department followed up on the reports. It's been close to a month now... I'm hoping it's because both Child services and the Police know the complaints were total BS.
The BF is now in jail for contempt of court(refusing to pay CS). He was sentenced to six months or payment of 5,250. This was his fourth time in front of a judge and they were through giving him chances. Voluntarily being unemployed for 4 years and living with his mom at 38 didn't do him any favors.
SS is very relieved he wont have to go over for a while. I hope this is the beginning of the end of the BF's reign of terror.