CENTER OF ATTENTION
I just got back from the blessing of the first Grandbaby in the family who is 2 months old. I would say MY Grandbaby, but my SD21 has chosen to make me a disposable part of her life since just before the baby was born. Thats a completely other story... Also attending the blessing were DH, SD18, SS13, BS9, BS7, BS6, BM, and both sets of Grandparents. After the blessing the attendeed could stand and bear their testimony for a short while. So, the BM gets up and does this. She begins by making sure that everybody knows who SHE is and the 3 of her four children are here. On and on she goes about the challenges that she has faced being a mother...!!! OK..I have to say here that IIIIIIIII have raised them with DH for the last 10 years, SHE got them every other weekend and could hardly manage that!! The fourth child is SS24 who is autistic. Just wondering if she ever thought maybe he might enjoy today since she drove an hour to get here and right past his group home. What a piece of work!!! With my SD pushing me away, I had decided that I would attend the blessing and then go home and have DH do the dinner stuff with SD at her house. Im tired of being hurt and made to feel unwanted and I wont be put into that position anymore. BM will be there too and I really dont care to visit with her. Even so, my heart is heavy as I feel sad I am missing out om things...but I am resolved!! Without a personal invite from my daughter, I am not going to be involved. Maybe she'll decide I might just be a useful person after all...we'll se!@!
I'm sorry. No advice, and
I'm sorry. No advice, and this is a fear of mine now that SD19 is "fo' shizz up the spout."
I fear what all of those
I fear what all of those experiences will be like I think the cycle will follows through with the grandbabies sad
Your doing exactly what you
Your doing exactly what you need to do. One of two things will result. First you'll relieve yourself of having to go through the emotional turmoil that being shunted aside by these kids is bringing you. If they mature they will come to appreciate what you gave up for them but don't count on it. Note the word IF. Children don't appreciate what their parents do for them, you didn't, I didn't and they didn't. But with age some of of become mature enough to not be so self centered. Others don't and of course these kids, like many step-children have a bio-parent working on them to make sure they don't.
The second possibility is the loss of power they'll experience when to parapharase President Nixon "they don't have you to kick around anymore". Surprisingly some step-children actually do come around with this sort of treatment from the step-parent and a adult relationship can blossom. But, again, don't count on it.
You get on with your life with your husband and when his childrens lives take him away temporarily you find another activity equally or even more rewarding. Step-parenting is a thankless task and you did what you could do. Don't take any of it personally.