Buying a child's love
I am so tired of the same old argument from BM's with custody of the children that Dad buys the children's love, buys them whatever they want to make them like him. Ya know what... maybe dad is trying to buy a memory, not the attention. (if he is actually spending the time with the kids, not just buying them things to play with on their own) Maybe he is investing his money into an extremely memorable moment with his child(ren) since his time with them is limited. No child is going to want to go to the other parents house just to hang out and watch them clean house on the weekend or do nothing at all but watch tv at home. So BM's, suck it. I want my kid to be excited to come see me to know that we will do something amazingly fun together, not that i'll buy her whatever she wants. At this moment my daughter that doesn't live with me is almost 6. At my house she has a fourwheeler, a dirt bike, a horse, we have a UTV, a pool to use any time at my parents house. Not to mention just about any boardgame, or toy that I might think she would like. We do a lot as a family, and its to make memories not to play favorite over what her mother buys or does for her. (written by dad)
Lucky little girl! You're
Lucky little girl!
You're entitled to give your daughter what you can afford, nothing wrong with that. My partner is quite well off and can afford expensive gifts or weekends away etc.
However, it's also fair to consider BMs side as annoying as it may be. If I was a 6 year old kid I'd also want to spend more time at the place with a dirt bike, a horse etc but how do you think she will deal with the vast difference between your place and her mums? If you were all living together then that's fine, spoil your daughter all you want. i just think it's also responsible to consider the balance.
I'm a SM of SS7 and SD5 and we share a 9 month old BD. My partner goes all out for his kids because he too has limited time with them...you also have to consider the long term effects...you are creating memories but just be careful you don't create a child who believes she can get anything whether she deserves it or not.
There's also nothing wrong with mum cleaning all day. Your time with your daughter is probably all fun fun and more fun. There are also life 'stuff' she needs to know about. I agree mum could be a little bit more fun but when you havea child full time they go through the motions of a full day, a full week of real life. My partner got so bad that after the kids came back from a 6 week holiday in Europe with their mum (he paid for all 3 to go) he wanted to buy the kids welcome back gifts!! Like WTF. They have no concept of cleaning after themselves, picking up toys, taking plates to the kitchen even wiping their own bottoms! All they do at dad's house is fun and to me that's not balanced.
Honestly? I had no problem
Honestly? I had no problem with our kids' Dad buying them stuff, taking then on trips, etc. Why? Because they knew it was playtime, I didn't have to say a word - they knew. Here? They knew it was real life. I worked, they went to school. It was what it was. We worked together to keep our home livable and to make our time away from that enjoyable.
Stuff doesn't always mean much.
.And when they are demanding
.And when they are demanding new cars and lots of money at 16, you will wonder where you went wrong.
No - Mom will get bitched out for Dad being an asshole.
That is what *I* am tired of. Being blamed for their Dad being a Jackass. By his wife.
My exH sees 'our' four kids
My exH sees 'our' four kids sporodically. The only instruction he has is to show them a good time for the day he sees them. And they come back laden with gifts and good times etc, but I'm safe in the knowledge he has no other input into their lives. It took me quite a while to come to terms with it, but I just make sure 'fun mum' is making an appearance every now and then too.
But yes, it'll bite him when their requests start to get ridiculous
That's his problem. And yes at aged 12 my son knows how to play his game.
I get what you're doing and I
I get what you're doing and I kinda understand it - but I think you might need to read a couple of parenting books to guide you here. The best way for you to parent your child is to be there for them, spend time with them, and GUIDE them throughout their lives - not entertain them and be their friends. If you teach them materialistic ways, you are encouraging greed and envy and an insatiable thirst to have bigger, brighter, better things - be very, very careful!!
Your child/children will value, respect and appreciate you more if you taught them life-skills such as learning to cope when things don't go your way, helping and considering other's, helping with their education and most importantly - how to handle life whilst growing up.
I have found one thing lacking in todays kids when they become adults and are about to venture out into the world. Many of them have no idea how to maintain tenancies, hold down jobs and live independently. If you could teach adn guide them through these - then you're well on your way to being a great parent.
Giving them everything they wan - encourages expectant and entitled behaviours.
Teaching them what to do and how to do - in order to get them what they want - helps them learn life skills, gives them goals and encourages them to do things for themselves. Nothing quite like a proud kid attaining their first goal!
Emotional support goes a helluva long way rather than materialistic things that are soon forgotten.