Boyfriend dumped me for yelling at his daughters
I posted little over a month ago about my boyfriends kids not liking me. And we've been together for over 3 years. His son(14) told my boyfriend that he doesn't care whether I'm around or not because he's only at his house to spend time with him but if he has to associate with me to make him happy he will. His son isn't rude. He doesn't care for me but has enough respect to be civil.
His twin daughters(11) on the other hand make it well known they don't like me. I think they're afraid that their dad will just up and abandon them for me. Trust me, I would never put him in that situation. He has put his daughters in therapy and he was upped the ante with them. They still don't like me but at least they weren't disrespecting me as much anymore.
Today we took them out to the Christmas lights. So my boyfriend and his son ended up walking a little bit ahead leaving me and his daughters. Well they just up and took off without telling me. I was freaking out. I was texting them and they weren't responding. I ran to my boyfriend who was with his son and told him that I couldn't find his daughters. He started freaking out and was getting worried. I was calling and texting them and they weren't answering. Same with my boyfriend too. When his son texted them, they responded and said that they ran into some friends. That wasn't sitting well with my boyfirend and I told him that I was going to get them back. I texted them and told asked for their location so I could come get them but they said that they weren't coming back if they were in trouble. If Bm were to find out about this, she would cause hell for my bf because she is very protective over the kids. We were having a good time and this was just causing unnecessary drama.
They were only 2 blocks back from where we were and thankfully they were with friends and their parents. When I came and asked them to come back they didn't want to become they were afraid that they were in trouble. I told them that they broke a rule and stressed their dad out. I was yelling at this point. I probably shouldn't have but we were having a good time so I don't understand why they needed to just take off like that.
Bf came and got them. As we were walking away he told them the same thing I had. I left them alone so they could talk. I was with his son and he was busy on his phone.
When we met up with Bf and his daughters he greeted me by saying that I wasn't to discipline his kids and we were over in FRONT of them. I car ride back to house was awkward. I'm guessing the daughters texted their mom and told them that I was yelling at them. When we reached the house, he told the kids to go inside while we stayed in the car. Bm called and she went off on him. I could hear her clearly and she wasn't on speaker phone.
I could hear her say that she didn't appreciate me yelling at the girls. That I wasn't to discipline them. She said "if she had a problem, she could have told you and you could have handled it" and "I don't care who she is. I'm their mother and everyone knows if the kids are acting up, they need to tell me and I will handle them". He was just sitting there and taking all of it. She is way more strick with the kids than Bf. She does know how to handle them. She clearly wasn't happy.
After we talked, he said that we are over. He took the kids back to Bm's and I was packing up my stuff from his house while I was crying.
When he returned, we talked more and he was angry that I was yelled at his daughters. Bm wasn't happy that I yelled at him and his daughters hate me now more than ever. He said that his daughters said they don't want to be around me anymore and that's why we can't be together.
In my opinion I think he overeacted. It was just an explosive situation that got out of hand. I agreed with him that I shouldn't have yelled at them but my main concern was their safely. I leave all discipline to him and just enforce what he says. This was the first time that I ever had to discipline them myself and it clearly didn't end well. Know that we outline was it and isn't acceptable, I wasn't being forgiven. I moved back to my old place and have been crying ever since.
You had given the
You had given the relationship a one month deadline and you'd be leaving if the two girls didn't suddenly start liking (or at least tolerating you), so surely, going off on them shouldn't come as a huge surprise it didn't turn out well.
I've no idea why you went after them to begin with. You're walking the street viewing lights with two 11yr old girls, and you didn't seem to notice they had totally poofed? That they had ran into friends and just wandered off? And your BF just shrugs and is good with you heading off to go find them while he what? Continues strolling around looking at lights with his son? Why would he do that? He knows darn well the girls hate you.
So then you get to where they are and you rip into them yeah, it's normal to panic and react when kids scare the heck out of us, but did you really truly think yelling at them was going to go over well? These girls don't and never have viewed you as an authoritatian figure, they do and always have viewed you as nothing more than a pain in their tush that just happens to live with their father.
Consider yourself lucky it's all finally over. You had wanted marriage and to add babies to the bunch and Dad has his children 50% of the time. it was never going to work out. Better the heartache and tears now, which as hard as a break-up is, it will pass. When it has dust yourself self, dry your tears and go find someone with the same goals and desire in life that you hold.
Did your BF over-react? Sure he did.It he very likely already saw the writing on the wall that this relationship was winding up just as you , yourself, had a month ago. It was already over except for the good-bye.
I'm sorry it all happened at Christmas time... but lady, you dodged a bullet. Life is too short to spend 50% of it miserable. If all it has done is get worse in the two years you've lived there and these girls are just 11 now, it would have become a living nightmare as you married and started popping out babies. These girls intend to make their father's life h*ll for many many years to come.
Your boyfriend did you a big
Your boyfriend did you a big favor by dumping you. You can't see it right now, but one day you will.
Hugs to you hon. Xmas breakups stink.
you dodged
a giant missle:
BF frightened of GUBM
BF "setting you straight" in front of skids (giving them more authority over you)
BF misplacing anger onto you.
If you hadn't been dumped, I would have advised to RUN!!!!
He could not
He could not have given you a more perfect Christmas present if he had been shopping for months. It may hurt now but in the time to come you will look back on this and wonder why you did not give it to yourself. Relax today and do not call him or answer if he calls you. Let this relationship go and be free.
I'm with the others. It doesn
I'm with the others. It doesn't feel good now, but he handed you a wonderful Christmas gift.
Even though you don’t see it
Even though you don’t see it right now, this is a total blessing!
His kids are brats, their mom sounds like a headcase, and dad has zero balls. Why wasn’t he more concerned about his kids? Why didn’t he go get them?
Also, if mom “knew how to handle the kids” they wouldn’t exhibit this sort of behaviour at 11 years old- just taking off and then not answering dad’s messages. And they on top of it clearly know that dad has zero balls and that they can manipulate him.
i think you got the best Christmas gift ever..... I don’t know why you didn’t give it to yourself sooner!!!
I'm sorry you're hurting, but
I'm sorry you're hurting, but this is a blessing. Grieve the end of your relationship and then go live your best life without your bf and his kids. They would, over the years, have caused you a lot more grief and pain than you're suffering now.
Run and don't look back.
Run and don't look back. Boyfriend set up this scenario when he walked off with his son. Why wasn't he watching his daughters? Add in BM who he kowtows to and there is no way you can win in this situation.
You deserve better.
Be thankful it sounds like the Relationship
Had to many issues. DH who just sits there and let Controlling BM yell at him and tell him what can and can not happen on his parenting time, Bratty kids who hate you. Personally if the little brats ran off I would NOT have gone after them and hoping they got kidnapped! ANYWAYS going forward with the next relationship stay out of the parenting area and let DH handle it. Trust me trying to play involved stepmom will only cause you Grief and NO one will like it
I can't imagine why you would
I can't imagine why you would want to be a part of this family, anyway. They all sound awful.
This man wasn’t worth it in the first place
As humans we can and do lose our temper and especially in your situation young kids running off. I’ve been angry at 20yr old ss for far less but i tell hubby off harshly, he relays and deals with ss. These kids were walking all over you, hubby has been guilted and manipulated by them all, you are and never were a priority in his life to begin with and everyone else would have taken precedence over you.
even my husband has told his son at times he’s unreasonable and throwing a hissy fit because he gave seconds notice to take him somewhere or do something for him when we have other prior engagements
This man did you a favour. If his exwife went ape shit because you shouted at the girls, a good supportive man would say to her firmly “the girls took off without any notice and she panicked, she wanted to make sure they were safe and they were rude and disrespectful and i or we should not need to call you to do the discipline”.
How the heck does bio mum say well you should have told your partner and he could have told the girls off the same way you did?? I’m sorry but when you are in a committed relationship you should be able to deal with things as they come without fear. There is no court order saying only bio mum and dad can discipline the kids or tell them off when they’ve done wrong
i’m sure if the situation was reversed and it was bio mums partner or husband who did the telling off she wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Oh the hypocrisy here!!
I need your dodgeball skill
I need your dodgeball skill because you dodged a bullet with thia one. Go where youvare celebrated and not just tolerated while you still can
I think he was manipulated by
I think he was manipulated by the b****s... And while it hurts. You DEFINITLEY dodged a bullet.
This time next year, you will
This time next year, you will thank him for this gift. ((((Hugs)))) You will have bad days, but a great New Year in the end.
Why waste tears on this ball
Why waste tears on this ball-less wonder, his prior relationship crotch dribbles and their toxic womb donor?
You have been given a great gift. Starting a new life adventure with this entire shallow and polluted gene pool fading in your rear view mirror as you move forward.
Do not lament this gift.
The best revenge is living well and being happy.
Take care of you.
Agree with the others. These
Agree with the others. These people would have made for a miserable life. All the ingredients for the worst steplife has to offer are in your story. I know it’s tough now, but your future just got so much brighter.
Good riddance!!!!!! He did
Good riddance!!!!!! He did you a favor!!!!!!!!! He gave you the best xmas gift ever!!!!!!! One day you will look back once some times has passed and wonder WTH you were thinking and ask yourself why did you stay so long????!!!!! Let no balls bf with his misplaced anger problem and his manipulative rude spoiled brats be someones else's problem. Be glad!!!!!!!!
You will thank him every day
You will thank him every day of your life, eventually...He could have hid all of it to pull you in his sick family web.......then the claws all come out to stay.
You won the lottery!!!!!