Long story short I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We have a 6 month old together, I have an 8 yr old with previous ex and my bf has an 11 yr old and almost 21 yr old with ex wife. My boyfriend 11 yr old is very nasty, and disrespectful to me and isn't the nicest to my daughter. She gets excited to see him and hangout but when he comes over he could care less about her.  Its quite sad. I have rules in my house. Take off shoes, put dishes in sink when your done, no ball playing of any sorts, no gun playing esp with pointing a toy gun at a baby and shooting.  Every time my bf son comes over he doesn't follow any of them. My bf goes against what I say in front of him and says I'm picking on him. Tells me that I have to make it work and respect his son so his son respects me. Well that's not the way it works. He's been disrespectful since day 1 and my SO refuses to disapline. He doesn't have his own room cuz we live in a 2 bedroom apartment but he can still make him sit in our bedroom until he is ready to listen and come out. He takes his phone away but still lets him play and watch TV. He can be very manipulative he definitely plays us be between each other but in my boyfriend's eyes his son can do no bad. I do not want my daughter to think that it is okay to treat her parents this way and be disrespectful and have no consequences. I boyfriend's son does a lot of things to push my buttons and he knows what he's doing. The other day while his father was in the shower he put on his shoes and was walking around my living room after I told him several times to take his shoes off but then I tell my boyfriend and my boyfriend says it's okay we're leaving and they weren't leaving for a few hours he makes excuses as to why he can't discipline his son and it is so very frustrating that we are not on the same page with parenting. I get it that he doesn't want to be the bad guy but when his son comes over almost twice a week and every other weekend he follows no rules. My daughter is 8 and follows my rules with no problem and is very respectful towards with my boyfriend. A lot of people tell me that if he cannot respect your home and respect you to tell his son until he can do that he's no longer allowed to come over but my boyfriend won't do that because he won't tell his son not to come over. I also watched him flick my  6 month old baby in the head and he blatantly lied to my face and said he didn't do it as I watched him. My boyfriend will be sitting in the house and his son will act out but expects me to discipline him or tell him to stop or take stuff away, why should I have to do that when he is sitting in the house and it is his son. It is making us fight every time he's over when he's not here we get along fine. My boyfriend disrespects me in front of his son chase me like shit goes against everything that I say tells his son it's okay he can do things that I tell him know and I am getting frustrated to no end and it is making me not even want to be around his son it is making me not want to be here when his son comes over and tells me that I have to fix the problem or blames everything on me and tells me that I'm crazy and then I'm picking on him. Tells me that I'm picking on him even before he comes over but I'm sorry I'm not excited when he comes over because this is the stuff that I have to deal with he talks back he gives attitude he yelled at me he tells me to shut up and I don't want my daughter or my son to think that it is okay for a child to talk to their parent like that am I wrong?. I am sick of dealing with these issues I have told my boyfriend plenty of times and if he doesn't fix it if he doesn't have his son respect me or the household that we live in I can no longer be with him. I don't deal with disrespect from anybody ever especially my daughter let alone an 11 year old boy who disregards everything that I say. He treats his dad like crap as well talks back has a say for everything and thinks he's entitled to do whatever he wants with no discipline because at his mother's house he has no discipline either his mother goes to bed and he stays up all night but yet he treats his mother's boyfriend with respect. I love my boyfriend but this is taking a huge toll on me and I don't want to deal with it any longer because I know nothing is going to change? Please help me!