Bounderies with SD's body
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SD is 10. Her grandma babies her to no end and won't stop. SD spent the night over there last night. She tells me that her grandma (hubby's mom) watches her while she showers to make sure she washes her hair right and even though she tries to nicely ask her to leave she said she won't because she won't wash her hair right.
Now, granted, she IS lazy about washing her hair correctly. But I have tried to teach her that her body is hers only and NO ONE sees her naked, not even family, if she says no. So you can see why she is uncomfortable.
Am I being overboard? I think 10 is FAR too old for any family member to monitor her showering.
I agree with the if she
I agree with the if she washes her hair right, then it should be a moot point. If not, then you'll definitely have to limit any alone time she spends with the grandma. Have your DH talk with grandma and let her know that SD is growing up. Sometimes, grandma's just want to baby the baby longer than necessary.
Dad needs to talk to his
Dad needs to talk to his mother about how uncomfortable this makes SD. The logical consequence for this is that SD gets checked after her shower and if she hasn't washed it right, grandma can help her do it right in the kitchen sink.
If SD is uncomfortable, which she obviously is, this needs to be stopped and it needs to be stopped by Dad since GM isn't listening to this child. SD should Not be forced to be seen naked by Anyone. There are other ways to monitor hair washing. If GM doesn't listen to her son then SD needs to stop having to go over there or at the very least needs to not have to Shower there.
100% on your side - No one
100% on your side - No one should see her body at 10 - it is off limits! That is her body and grandma should not be in the bathroom with her at all. Have her wash her hair in the sink with clothes on if its that big of a issue for the grandma! Lots of luck!
That's just gross! If grandma
That's just gross! If grandma can't keep her eyes off of naked 10 year old, I wouldn't let 10 year old spend the night there anymore. That's just sick. In some states she would probably be arrested. If that was my BD, I would call the child welfare people on the grandma. And i would get an emergency order of protection so that my exH couldn't send my daughter to those people.
My SD is 10 and stays at my
My SD is 10 and stays at my DH's grandmas house (her great) quite often. While she has never complained about grandma hovering over her (which she does) she also knows her limits. My SD also does not always get the soap out of her hair either. I completely agree that NO ONE should see her naked. I simply just have her wrap a towel around herself to so I could check and make sure she got all the soap out. Only had to do that a couple of times before she figured out what to do.
I wouldn't allow her to spend
I wouldn't allow her to spend overnights with grandma anymore, or at least allow the girl to shower ALONE and then after she's dressed, have grandma wash her hair in the sink if she's not satisfied with the job the daughter does.
Hell, my DD15 was here for the week during spring break and while I was doing my makeup in the bathroom, she was getting into the shower and asked me to politely step out while she undressed and got in the shower. No problem, not like I want to see you naked, even though I brought you into the world! LOL I respected her privacy, stepped out while she was showering (we only have one bathroom now) and continued doing my makeup after she was dressed.
I will admit that my own son
I will admit that my own son who is 10 is a total pansy about getting soap in his eyes so he still asks me to hand him a towel when he's in the shower. But I'm his mom and he asks me. If my parents were taking care of him for the night, I would just have him skip his shower because, you're right, it's creepy.
It sounds like GM is just
It sounds like GM is just babying SD but I think 10 is far too old to have anyone see her naked. If she seriously can't figure out how to wash her hair correctly, GM can help her wash it out in the sink or lean over the tub- something- but she should not be watching her shower. That's pretty creepy, especially when she knows it makes SD uncomfortable.
Well it's been a while since
Well it's been a while since I posted this but I thought I would update you guys. Boy, my MIL is a crazy you-know-what. I mean she is insane.
Last weekend, SD10 spent the night with her. I went to pick her up that Saturday and she clearly had no showered--greasy, stringy hair, and well, she stunk. I politely asked her if she had bathed the night before like she was supposed to. She said no. Her grandma interjected and said she had asked her to, but she said she didn't want to take one. At this point, her grandma went to the bathroom.
Well, while she was in bathroom, SD10 said "I'm sorry, I dind't bathe because I was afraid grandma was going to watch me bathe and I didn't know how to tell her. Can you please talk to her?" I told her sure.
Well, I had no freaking clue how much it would blow up.
I promise you, I am a level-headed and calm person. I said this to her grandma: "SD10 wanted me to talk to you. She wanted to do that, but was afraid to hurt your feelings. She told me she did not shower because, well, you check on her when she bathes to see that she is clean and she is embarrassed for anyone to see her naked. It's nothing personal; she is just growing up and feeling self-conscious." I honestly thought she would be like, "oh honey, I'm so sorry! Grandma won't do that anymore!". Nope! This is what she said!
"Oh yeah? Well, you are a bully and you are a b**** for telling me, as her grandmother, that I can't help her bathe! I have always helped her bathe! You are trying to tell me that I'm doing something inappropriate? You are a bully and a b****!" Then she proceeded to sob like a baby and wail and say "she is myyyy grandbabyyyy and I have allllways helped her bathe!" I mean it was freaking insane. I told her that SD10 was the one who wanted me to talk to her. SD10 even spoke up and said "grandma, I asked her to talk to you because I didn't know how!"
Are all mother in laws this nuts? I mean what the heck is wrong with this woman? At no point did she apologize to SD10 for invading her privacy and humiliating her; she called me names for telling her she was too old!
Any thoughts or advice here?
How old is she? I just
How old is she? I just watched a Desperate Housewives episode where Lenette had to deal with her husbands mother living with them and she would randomly scream at her for inane things because she was getting dementia...
Might be off topic a little (sorry I love Desperate Housewives and it reminded me), maybe she is going senile?
Mood swings are a symptom...
If the kid skips a
If the kid skips a shower/bath one night - or even two - it is NOT a huge deal. So just tell her to skip it when at Grandma's. Or have her shower before she goes.
Well normally I would totally
Well normally I would totally agree..but her hair is very oily and she really does need to bathe every day because even skipping one day, her hair is oily and smelly.
Grandma is 58.
Sorry but skipping showers
Sorry but skipping showers because GM refuses to accept boundaries is not a solution. We can leave those kinds of "let's try to keep everyone happy" decisions to our collective crowd of cowardly SOs and DHs, no? GM will probably calm down but DH needs to step in and put her straight (and back you up fully).
We check our SD's hair after
We check our SD's hair after her shower. If it doesn't look properly washed, conditioned, and well rinsed then her dad does it himself over the kitchen sink with her fully dressed of course. Towel on hand and either way, it will be clean.