Smelly step daughter

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Hi all, I am new here.

My fiancé and I constantly tell his daughter to brush teeth/ wash hair/ get a shower. She lies and says she has brushed her teeth when she has not. I was sitting beside her on the sofa and this was the second time she has reeked of body odour. She is 12 so old enough to know better and wash properly. What do I do???

Thanks for the response. I

Thanks for the response. I think it would be too political for me to tackle it as her step mother. Her mother should be ensuring she cleans herself and uses deodorant. By 12 years old, I did not need telling to wash properly or brush teeth. It's the lying about it that irritates me. As her soon to be step mother I feel powerless to say anything or pass comment as she is not my child. Her mother is FURIOUS that we are getting married despite them having split over 4 years ago.

I am new to this step mother thing and there are so many situations I don't feel able to voice my opinions on because my step daughter and step son are not my children

I'm so glad i found this site

I'm so glad i found this site today. Being a step mother is a flaming minefield.

Never was a truer statement

Never was a truer statement uttered! It's also a thankless job. Nothing you do is good enough, and you're punished at every turn by somebody, no matter what you try to do or say. No wonder so many of us finally just say "screw it, I quit" and disengage, at the very least. I've only been married to my DH six months, but I've already done this, to some extent. My skids have already figured out that I'm NOT the person to go to with all their stupid shit. If I had a nickel for every time I say "Go ask your dad" when they're with us, I'd never have to work again!

You are so right!!! If I said

You are so right!!! If I said a word to the step daughter it would be spun by the ex wife that I was being mean. Fact is she does smell at times because she needs a bloody wash!!

Ha. You're bang on the money

Ha. You're bang on the money there. I live in Sydney, Australia so hello wherever you are in the world. It's awesome to be able to speak to people who understand.

ha, when my fiance sent an

ha, when my fiance sent an email to BM about SD13 not washing her hands after using the bathroom and her table manners she refused to reply and instead forwarded it to her attorney with a mocking "Really!?!" typed in the forwarding message.

Guess she doesnt find it a problem that her daughter eats dinner with her feces covered hands since you all know from my other threads she has a utensil using problem.

I've asked my best friend

I've asked my best friend about this who is an English teacher. She says kids that stink need told otherwise other kids at school bully the hell out of them. I totally agree with speaking to my fiancé about having my role defined.

The kids are 11 and 13 and do zero around our house when they are over. No dishes, nothing, in my view, they should have some minimal chores to do ie like their own dishes.

What I wouldn't give for a

What I wouldn't give for a Dingo right now. Lol at least that made me laugh after this insane day I've had. Thanks for that!!
I'll be dreaming of skid eating dingos tonight.

Lol

Hi Lorlors, I had the same

Hi Lorlors,

I had the same problem with my twin SD's, they are now living with us and I used to battle with them brushing teeth, flushing the loo or even wiping themselves.

Yes they are 6 but in my mind I thought they should know better.

Then it dawned on me. They have been neglected by BM and not taught the proper hygiene.

It is also very important to let a child understand as to why it is necessary.

I would say you need to start from scratch to as to teaching her how to be hygienic and why it is so important.

I would also invest in some mouthwash as she might have developed gum disease or halitosis because of the lack of previous hygiene.

And i agree, do it in a kind private manner so that she does not feel embarrased.

XXX

That's great advice. Thanks

That's great advice. Thanks so much xxxx

You march her ass to the

You march her ass to the bathroom door, point at the shower and tell her to take a shower, be sure to use SOAP and to wash her hair with SHAMPOO and leave.

When she claims she's brushed her teeth and you know she hasn't you simply say "No, you didn't. Now go do it!"

I'm gonna have to do this

I'm gonna have to do this with the boys. Their BM has horrible hygiene. They have been evicted twice due to filth. Were talking she never does laundry, never cleans house, when there were animals in the house there was cat urine and feces everywhere. They smell every time they come over and I try my best to make sure that as soon as they step through that door, they go immediately to the shower, wash from head to toe, scrub under nails and toe nails and while they are doing that, I wash everything. I try to make sure they are fed good complete healthy meals in spite of their father wanting to do quick and easy all the time. They don't get good meals at home so why he would want to stack more crap on top of that I have no clue. The oldest one is already overweight....I have NO clue how to remedy this...I don't want him to be made fun of once he hits high school...
Anywho....they constantly lie about the hair washing, and teeth brushing to the point I'm about to start make their father stand in their with them or force them to go take another shower. It's retarded...

My SD has the same problem

My SD has the same problem and I joke about rubbing her greasy head on the door hinges so they don't squeak.

There's a book I got my dd and subsebquently sd about hygeine from girl to teen and what to expect during puberty. Link below:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834

It's typical for a kid not to understand how important hygiene is especially during the years your sd is in now. Nobody's at fault.

Lack of concern about

Lack of concern about personal hygiene is a symptom of depression and getting a depressed person to bathe or take care of themselves is difficult. Bullying and teasing can make the depression even more. It can be one of the signs someone is suicidal.

My son has been been battling clinical depression for two years now and he does not care how he looks and feels like he deserves other people criticizing him. He would go for weeks without showering, but it has slowly gotten better now that he's on an antidepressant.

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