Birthday gifts
I am the step mom of two,7&10...their birthdays are very close in just a few weeks so we usually celebrate them together with my husbands side of the family. Their cousins birthdays are pretty close too so it's one big birthday party. When we first met, we both made a lot more money than we do now. Alot has happened with illnesses family issues job changes that made this occur- basically things out of our hands... anyway last years birthday and Christmas weren't as many since we simply couldn't afford as many gifts. They have many people who give them gifts but grandma usually tops us all ... every year for Christmas and birthday she probably spends over 1000. We like to give gifts to celebrate a day for them and to see their excited faces. I am starting to feel like it's pointless. Grandma gets every expensive thing on their list we can't afford from all these video games, tons and tons of clothes and shoes and tablets for both of them last year. We got simple things like crayola makes. My husband has had this talk with her time and time again to stop going over board but trys to be nice because it's appreciated. Her excuse is that she didn't have anything as a kid so she wants them to have everything and that whenever she sees them they always wear crappy clothes. Yes sometimes they do- but they do dress themselves. .we know they have decent stuff over there, I think bm sends them over in crap stuff on purpose idk but on school days they always look nice. Anyway birthdays yet again around corner. I was thinking if planning a weekend trip and skipping presents because reallt whats the point?she is very generous to us our birthdays and Christmas so no jealousy but with kids it's very over the top. Does anyone else have have a mil like this? Sometimes I feel ungrateful feeling this way, but I just do.
Unfortunately this has been
Unfortunately this has been mentioned by my husband and her response is always "I'm sure her mother has one going for them" and disregards it. I think she has too much money that that she doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't necessarily agree
I don't necessarily agree with this. Presents within reason, spoiling within reason. And certainly not gifts that will cause conflict in the house. For example buying a child who can't ride a bike (not hasn't been taught, just can't) a US$300 bike is wasteful and excessive.
Getting a child an Xbox is the parents don't agree with gaming is unacceptable. Sometimes a grandparent really is just buying favour, as terrible as that may sound and it's not alright.
However having said that it's not OP's children so it's not her place to give these opinions. When it is her own she most definitely has the right.
I love your and HRNYC's idea though of a tertiary education fund.
Your right, that's why I
Your right, that's why I haven't said anything and my husband has. I don't want to overstep my boundries.
My Skids have always had 3
My Skids have always had 3 Christmas's. One with BM, one with us and then on at ILS house. Well, ILS retired last year. Instead of huge piles of gifts under the tree at the grandparents parents house, each kid only got two gifts (which is how it should have been all along). Boy were those kids disappointed. SO got angry because SS said "Is that all". It's not SS's fault. It's ILS and SO's fault for setting this kids expectations so high for 8yrs.
I think the trip in lieu of the gifts is a great idea. We are thinking about doing that for Christmas this year. Those kids still have things we bought them last Christmas that they haven't touched. Waste of money.
This exactly happened last
This exactly happened last year at our house! So spoiled, made me so upset. We work hard and we did it to ourselves. We have so many games toys ect in another room it's nuts.
We boxed a large amount of
We boxed a large amount of Chucky's toys this weekend. He has a huge Hot Wheels collection with tracks and car washes etc he just does not play with. CAT train set. And so the list goes on.
I will never forget his birthday last year when he looked at SO after opening his presents and said "Is that all?" in a rude manner.
This is the result of grandparents giving him whatever he wants and asks for. I just don't agree with it.
Skids toss our "crap"
Skids toss our "crap" presents to the side in anticipation of what grandmom gets them. It's very rude in my opinion and I just get angry at DH for not correcting it. So this year, we are sticking to a bare minimum. Skids turn 16 next month and want a car. We'll help buy one, but it'll be a beater. And they'll share it.
And by the way, college fund contributions is an amazing gift. I finished college 13 years ago and I'm still paying for it. A little help would have been sooooo much more appreciated than any tangible gift. Ooh they'll be thankful when they're 25 and not riddled with loan debt.
I didn't read all the replies
I didn't read all the replies so maybe someone said this already.
What about a charity? We didn't want all the cheap presents you get from kid parties and we didn't want relatives thinking they had to dole out gifts. So, we had our son pick an organization he thought could use donations...he was four...yes, it's possible to do it that young. He picked one of the shelters where we got one of our cats. We decorated an old shoe box as the donation box. People could stick in money and no one really knew who gave what amount. The parents loved it, the kids felt good about it, the relatives could give a little or a lot. We set it up with the shelter that my son brought the money in (in the box) and handed it over himself. They were very nice and let him help with the cat pictures they put on their website. It went over so well, my son did it for years. They sent him a nice thank you card in the mail, too, every year.
(We talked with him about the fact he has enough stuff and really doesn't need more but there are people and places that don't have enough. And helping them would be better than too many toys and things just for him.)
Friends of his always did a stuffed animal donation and took the toys to the local fire station. Here the EMTs give them out to kids they end up with to help them be less scared.
Do what you can afford and
Do what you can afford and teach them the good manners of the thought that counts. You love them and of course will honor their bday (and xmas etc.) but with what you can afford. Shows a good lesson (vs. putting stuff you cannot afford on a credit card etc.)
These kids will get older and it will make more sense. My SS BM is over the top as well and it is obnoxious but then again her greed got her into legal hot water and she may lose it all and go to jail so all those awesome gifts won't be forthcoming and maybe she will have wished that she spent more time than money at the end of the day.