Bio mom included pictures of HER and the kids when she texted Easter Pictures to my DH.
Forums:
Bio- Mom included pictures of HER and the kids when she texted Easter Pictures to my DH.
This annoys me. I think she is just pushing my buttons. It's working. She would FLIP her lid if he send HER pictures of the kids with me. It's very narcissistic of her. Like she was wanting my DH to say... "OH ~ You girls look pretty" or something...
Anyone else dealing with that?
Yep... Like my comment below,
Yep...
Like my comment below, that's exactly what I did eventually lol BM didn't comment on a SINGLE photo, despite how much she wanted to see SD's photos at our wedding, she apparently didn't think about the fact that it's my wedding so 99% of photos of SD included me and my family.
BM has always done that and
BM has always done that and I've never seen it as something to be annoyed about, mostly because I know she's doing it in a "look at me i can be a good mom for a picture" type of way lol. Her and her family go as far as to tag DH/DH's family in pictures on facebook of BM/them with SD. DH actually got fed up with it and deleted them all from facebook because he was tired of being associated with her craziness lol.
I remember after our wedding, tagging BM in ALL of the pictures of me and SD, SD and my nephew, etc. just to get her back for all the shit she tagged DH in hahaha it was immature but honestly, she said she wanted pictures of SD in her pretty dress at the wedding, so I went ahead and tagged her in every single picture of SD and my family/me.
She kept texting did you get
She kept texting did you get the pictures? she asked 3 times!!! ~ Even the last one was 9:30 last night ~ He kept telling her they didn't load. She was looking for a response or fight or something. He was told her before not to send "selfies of her and the kids" She did it on purpose to push my buttons. It's not appropriate. Why in the world would that hooker think he would want pictures of his cheating... lying ex wife?
We had half of the Easter Day with the kids. We had our own Easter Egg hunt. We took our own pictures of them. We don't need hers and especially pictures of HER.
Then why keep playing? " He
Then why keep playing?
" He kept telling her they didn't load"
Either ignore the text completely or respond simply "it's not necessary, please stop, I prefer photos of just the kids" or " not necessary, I took plenty of photos myself already".
Delete the photos if not needed nor wanted. She can't push your buttons if you don't reveal your buttons to push. Let her know these types of unnecessary pics annoy and upset you and she will delight in the fact she's successfully got your attention. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Delete without opening if need be. As you say, you already have pics taken, DH, you and kids had a pleasant happy day and plenty of snap shots...so why even bother looking at hers?
Text come in saying "photo message" or whatever your phone does, decline. It isn't that hard. Anything after the moment is on you for allowing the intrusion.
"I think you sent me the
"I think you sent me the wrong photo by mistake. Do you have one with just the kids?" OR since I just saw you did see the kids on Easter. "I think you sent the wrong photo by mistake. No worries, stepmom and I took a lot of pictures of them today!"
In reality I would most
In reality I would most likely just ignore unless I was in a mood.
I think you sent me the wrong
I think you sent me the wrong photo by mistake. Do you have one with just the kids?
This is perfect and exactly how he should respond. A nice reminder that he's only talking to her or associating with her because of the kids.
Then she texted at 930PM. How
Then she texted at 930PM. How step son went into Step daughters room and killed a bug without her even asking! And when on and on how she was so proud of him. My husband responded with Tell him "I'm so proud of him too and that I love him." I'm like WHY RESPOND TO HER? IF YOU'RE PROUD IF HIM TELL HIM NEXT TIME you talk to HIM. She's making convo and getting a reply from you.
I would of said "YOU HAVE BUGS?!?!?" haha
Like wow ~ he did a boy thing and killed a bug for his sister. Give him a cookie! I'm like I'm sure he does that often or things like that. She felt that important to share with you?
Let's send her a picture of Step Son's dinner plate next time to show her what a GOOD BOY he is and how he ate everything off of it! And when he flushed the toilet! WITHOUT US EVEN ASKING! WOW!
Don't you just love it! I
Don't you just love it! I hate passive aggression and sure enough they can think of it all.
Ignore it.
Yeah.. LOL he did. I'm like
Yeah.. LOL he did. I'm like she told you to get to response and your attention.
He plays like Oh she's just telling me info about the kids. What's wrong with that?
It's her trying to contact him ~ all the time about stupid stuff. We had the kids all weekend. She called 3 times with a Three Hour period to check on them on Saturday. She didn't talk to the kids any of the times JUST talked to DH.
I think she just called to make sure they weren't alone with me. Because they will think "Step Mom is their Mother" as she has told DH before.
I BEG for him to only have contact at goodnight call. THE KIDS CALL THEIR FATHER at least TWICE A DAY. AFTER SCHOOL AND AT GOODNIGHT. If BIO needs to talk to him about anything she can discuss at that time and to not respond to her or answer her calls. Structure convo!!!! He just doesn't seem to see a problem with the intrusions in OUR life.
"I BEG for him to only have
"I BEG for him to only have contact at goodnight call. THE KIDS CALL THEIR FATHER at least TWICE A DAY. AFTER SCHOOL AND AT GOODNIGHT. If BIO needs to talk to him about anything she can discuss at that time and to not respond to her or answer her calls. Structure convo!!!! He just doesn't seem to see a problem with the intrusions in OUR life."
You are angry with BM for doing stuff your husband doesn't mind her doing. Why aren't you angry with your husband? You should not have to BEG him to do anything. You have expressed your concerns/feelings about this. He had made the CHOICE to disregard your feelings. Even if he doesn't agree with you, he should have enough respect for your feelings to shut BM down.
I am angry with him He makes
I am angry with him
He makes me feel like he has two wives sometimes. I wanted to respond with "Thank you for sharing with US." I know it would make her mad. He told me NO. So ~ in my eyes OK ~ it's OK for her to upset me ~ to push my buttons ~ BUT I can't upset Princess Bio-Whore?
I tell him how I feel ALL THE TIME. Sometimes He makes me feel like I HAVE THE PROBLEM and I OBSESS on these things. If she was not an intrusion in our lives It wouldn't be a problem. We went on a cruse for 7 days. He didn't talk to her. WE didn't talk about HER. Cut the cord.
What would BM had done if you
What would BM had done if you responded to her? Would she give your husband hell and make it clear to him that you better not contact her again?
If the answer is yes, then you and BM have both shown him what he can get away with. If he (or you)makes BM mad, she will give his ass hell. Make you mad and you just beg, plead and try to reason.
STOP TALKING AND START DOING. Give him hell each and every time and he will do one of two things.
Fix it or
Threaten to leave
A sane man would want a peaceful home. Especially when the turmoil is being caused by an intrusive exwife.
If he issues a threat because you want him to respect your feelings on this, then it's time to ask yourself if he really worth keeping.
YES, She hates "SHARING" with
YES, She hates "SHARING" with me. She would of been SO mad and started a fight. I'm SURE that is what she wanted. That is why she kept texting DID YOU GET THE PICTURES? She wanted a response ~
DH has discussed how BIO sending "selfies" to DH is not appropriate. She KNOWS it's not ok and that he doesn't want pictures of HER.
He should have responded-
He should have responded- great pics of the kids and the new dog. Oh wait.. that is you in the picture, sorry BM.
Ha Ha... no really he did a good job of ignoring the picture but the other stuff of him responding to every text she sends has to stop. It's not for the kids. It's for her to get attention and for him to feel better himself because otherwise he will feel bad because he thinks it's about the kids. But it's not. So he has to let it go.
My Ex would do this to me and I just stopped responding. Just because I didn't respond to his texts about every little thing that our BS was doing while at his house, didn't change anything about me as a mother and didn't change the fact that I was a good mother and that I loved my son.
LOL I WISH ~ Very true! He
LOL I WISH ~
Very true! He just doesn't get it. I keep trying to explain and He thinks I'm the one that has issues.
With the bug thing he is
With the bug thing he is saying it was something cute that happened with the kids and she wanted to share with the father of the children. HOW IS KILLING A BUG CUTE? He's twisting it.. like oh it was something cute and you're the crazy one for thinking it's an intrusion for sharing things about the kids. Without saying that directly.
I sent this article to him.
I sent this article to him. It's PERFECT!
http://theblendedandstepfamilyresourcecenter.com/blended-and-step-family...
While extending your blended family into a working relationship with an ex-spouse is great, setting boundaries which protect the autonomy of your remarriage is vital. Sometimes an ex-spouse steps across the lines of divorce and remarriage. Whether they are seeking to sustain or even lengthen their old ties, or simply having a difficult time redefining a post-divorce relationship, it can be an intrusion into your new blended family life. What can you do? What should you do? How do you know what is and is not okay?
What is appropriate contact between ex-spouses?
If your partner and his or her ex-spouse have children together, communication about and for the kids is always appropriate. Co-parenting takes cooperative collaboration, and communication is essential to being effective parents. Sometimes ex-spouses carry on a business together, or they may share ownership of pets and other property. Whatever the tie that makes it necessary, when you accept and support necessary communication, you are supporting your blended family partner. If, on the other hand, the ex-spouses have no remaining ties, there is no valid reason for continued contact.
What kinds of co-parenting communication are appropriate?
When you come right down to it, once visitation schedules are set, there is very little reason for much face-to-face contact with the ex-spouse at all, even when the kids are being picked up or dropped off. As a matter of fact, too much friendly contact could even confuse children who are secretly hoping their parents will get back together. And most kids do hold on to that hope for quite some time after the divorce, and sometimes even after a remarriage. Communicating with an ex-spouse by telephone usually works well if you can stay on message and avoid being drawn in to an emotional or otherwise inappropriate exchange. Using text messages or emails are other alternatives if telephone conversations tend to escalate into arguments, or when one of the parties is in the habit of bringing up old marital issues and other conflicts. The bottom line? Find and use whatever type of communication works in the best interests of your kids.
How much contact is too much?
An ex-spouse who calls, texts or emails every day, may have a flawed view of what divorce means, refuses to let go of the relationship, or perhaps simply does not know how to reframe and redefine it. At any rate, once visitation schedules or other business arrangements have been established, there really is no reason for your partner and the ex-spouse to chat unless a change in plans becomes necessary. If your blended family partner talks with his or her ex-spouse so often that you find yourself fretting about it, chances are pretty good there is too much contact. Talk with your partner about it.
Try not to obsess about the ex-spouse
This may be difficult, but try not to allow the inappropriate actions of an ex-spouse make you feel insecure, and try to avoid seeing your partner as being manipulated or drawn in by them. If you talk it over with your partner, you may find you are feeling threatened by a hapless attempt to ride the path of least resistance. Reasonable people can find a reasonable solution to most problems, and if you are clear about what you can and cannot tolerate with respect to the ex-spouse, everyone will be happier.
Remember, the success of your blended family depends on you as a couple, and how well you manage the pressures that come with a blended family situation. Stay strong, stay reasonable, and stay happy.
Excellent! Has he responded?
Excellent! Has he responded?
He doesn't think as long as
He doesn't think as long as it has to do with the KIDS that it is Wrong to communicate with her.
But ~ he said he will not respond to her anymore. I can only hope... I've heard it all before. It's gotten better.
101stepmom - my SO likes to
101stepmom - my SO likes to fish. His ex, BM, used to go fishing with him every weekend, and loved it. NOW, after 3 years completely separated and almost 1 year divorced, she likes to ask him randomly "so how is the fishing? What did you catch?"
This, last Saturday. I saw it, and told him "you do not need to respond to anything non-kid related. In fact, please do NOT respond. She wants to stay relevant in your life, and if it is not kid-related I do not want you to, as it would make me very upset. You need to cut her out of that part of your life that does not involve kids."
Then she asked what time he was picking up Munchkin SD10 for our Easter celebrations. She was doing nothing and we had 2 gatherings with family to attend. He answered her "Slow, and I will pick her up any time before noon."
I said "please delete that first part. She only NEEDS to know about Munchkin." He did, and then we enjoyed the rest of our evening, even though he was baked from the sun and oh so tired.
Your BM, I am afraid, is definitely still trying to stay relevant in DH's life. Excellent article! I shall print and read to SO tonight.
She wants to stay relevant in
She wants to stay relevant in his life and she uses the kids to do so. She usually tried to make it kid related. It's OVER THE TOP. Even sends pictures of good grades of tests the kids take to my DH, She sends pictures of the kids doing anything and everything. Even playing with Legos. I honestly think it's just so she can make contact and stay connected.
Your suggestions to you man are perfect! EXACTLY ~ BE SHORT WITH THEM AND SHOW YOU DON'T CARE OR NEED TO MAKE SMALL TALK!
UGH that's way over the top.
UGH that's way over the top. Is she at all attractive?
She thinks she is. She
She thinks she is. She dresses like she's a hooker. She THINKs she's sexy!
I would say a 6 out of 10.
But ~ she's prego with Baby # 2 from the man she cheated on my husband with. Which happen to be his OLD Best Friend. And HE was also married at the time.
Or who really knows who's baby either one really is! Not my DH. He can't have any more children... She made sure of that!
She sent picture of her that you could not see her body to tell she was prego. I KNOW she did that on purpose. He kept telling me how FAT she looked when he picked up the kids on Friday.
BM would do that too. She
BM would do that too. She would be front and center with perfect makeup and her big fake boobs on display batting her fake eyelashes and SD would be half out of the picture, her head cut off looking like crap. She'd do it to try and get attention or DD2's dad lusting after her again. It bothered the ever loving hell out of me!
Super insecure. My fun BM
Super insecure.
My fun BM would text SO "sexy texts", late at night after drinking, thinking she was being "cute". or something. I saw one, and went ballistic. Honestly I was shaking and feeling sick. SO claims he never responds when she sends "zingers", and I don't think he does - I choose to believe him. Shes not very attractive, and she is very insecure also. She simply has no boundaries and no respect.
They were taken with her cell
They were taken with her cell phone. They were not professional pictures or anything. Just pictures of their day. We had the kids half the day of Easter and took our own photos with our own memories. She send pictures of the kids 2 hours after we had just saw them.
I can totally relate to this
I can totally relate to this my ex fiancé and his ex wife communicated daily like they were married. I told him i felt like a second wife and that a lot of things they were communicating could be stopped as it was not related to the kids. No you can (and my ex could) make ANYTHING " about the kids ". Literally anything... so where do you draw the line.???? Nothing will change unless your DH wants to change and makes changes... but why would he? He is probably used to pacifying the ex so that he can keep the peace.
What she did would not be acceptable for me. If your DH had any balls and any respect for you he would tell his ex never to do that again. If he cannot address this issue then he is a complete pushover and doesn't deserve you..
Yeah ~ He is worried it will
Yeah ~ He is worried it will just make her do it more often. It was to upset me.
She is poking the bear. She is jealous of me. She doesn't know who she is messing with...
I reminded him how we had to
I reminded him how we had to lie and tell her that his phone was broke so we could enjoy our weekend get away in FEB. And how he's always telling her lies like he is with his boss so If he doesn't answer the phone that is why. JUST So she won;t yell at him for ignoring her calls. He just needs to be honest and stand up to her and tell her like it is.
IF YOU NEED TO DISCUSS SOMETHING ~ IT'S AT GOODNIGHT CALL ~ NOT ANYTIME DURING THE DAY MULTIPLE TIMES.
ONE SHOT TO TALK. IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ~ GREAT! She can function as a adult and make adult decisions on the Fly ~ WITHOUT YOU! It doesn't mean you love your kids ANY LESS or that you're LESS OF A FATHER.
I told him ~ I can't do it anymore. AND THE NEXT PERSON WON'T EITHER.
He was like I've never thought about a next person ~ I'm committed to making this work.
TIME WILL TELL!
he's always telling her
he's always telling her lies...JUST So she won;t yell at him for ignoring her calls.
WTF? Is she his ex or his mother? Just ridiculous.
She is a terrible human. We
She is a terrible human. We have to wait to tell her about plans to go out of town with Stepkids until the last minute or she will try to mess them up. He walks on egg shells for her.
She thinks she is still his wife and Mother. She's on several occasions asked DH not to make chicken for dinner because she will be serving chicken to then the next night. I posted about it on here. I
It's SO controlling to tell us what MEAT not to eat for dinner?! Who cares if the kids eat CHICKEN two nights in a row. So many ways to eat chicken.
I told him I'm DONE! You structure one convo a day with her (AND THAT'S ME BEING NICE!)
If she has any stupid questions or things she needs to share. She has one window to talk. and that's it. If she can not and continues to harass or belittles you for "cutting the cord" with her constant communication it will result with using FAMILY WIZARD. I don't care if she uses it or not... I hope she doesn't ! He can have a healthy relationship with the kids without having one with HER.
I'M DONE. WE NEED PEACE IN OUR LIFE.
There are lots ow women out
There are lots ow women out there who will put up with it. Me and you are not one of them. We have more self respect than that! My ex found a woman within a couple of weeks of our break up who is perfectly accepting of any relationship he wants to have with me BM. He told her up front he would do whatever he wants for his kids and she was okay with that.
We all have to make a personal choice as far as what we can deal with and what we won't. For me what you describe would be NOT acceptable. I would demand that it stop or I would be out...
Yolo222 ~ I'm sure his new
Yolo222 ~ I'm sure his new lady has NO IDEA how bad it can be...
This is a good read... Some of the comments are helpful and are soooo what we are dealing with.
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/how-do-i-deal-with-my-boyfriends-exwife-...