anyone ever dealt with this???????????????
SO my boyfriend comes home and tells me the school teacher called today saying she wants to meet with him tomorrow to discuss some "emotional problems" my sd7 has been discussing with her. I am annoyed because the teacher also called me today to let me know that sd7 is getting an award tomorrow at school for good writting, and that was it. I am irritated because now I am left questioning what these emotional problems are, but I am most irritated because I feel the teacher doesn't respect me as this childs "mother". The bio mom has messed up good enough now that she is looking at years in prison, meaning this teacher better get use to me. I am just wondering if anyone else has dealt with a teacher meddling where she doesn't need to meddle, shes a school teacher, her job is to teach, get a life teacher seriously. I feel disrespected right now, I almost want sd to get a new teacher, if this teacher is not going to respect me. I ve been here a hell of a lot longer than BM has. I think the situation could be about this letter that sd wrote about her family, and in the letter she called me her dads girlfriend and I asked her where she learned about that word, because before ive always been step mom or just mom in letters, now girlfriend? so I feel the teacher wants her to "tell the truth" in the TEACHERS OPINION, of what my sds family "really is". who is she to judge seriously?!?!?!?!?!! iam hurt right now. she better choose her words carefully. My boyfriend is prepared to tell her that I am entitled to the same information as him. :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :sick: :sick: any advice?
Yep. Get used to it. Sorry
Yep. Get used to it. Sorry to be harsh, i feel your pain all too well and it is very familiar to me. There will always be those who are ignorant and meddling and disrespectful. Their ignorance and meddling touches a sore spot for us stepparents. The best strategy is to ignore them and remind yourself that they are ignorant and for that reason wrong. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that you are in fact this childs parent, that this teacher is - possibly - being very rude, pity the ignorant witch and remember that you only have to deal with her until the end of the school year.
I don't think she sounds
I don't think she sounds crazy, that's a bit harsh. She's just a bit cross and hurt. If she's in a committed relationship with the Dad, they have SD full time and she's acting as a parent figure, you can see why it would be hurtful to suddenly find that in the eyes of the outside world she does not count. And if she's young and has taken this on, all credit to her. I believe that you can be a step parent without being married to the bio parent - some people make a decision not to marry but are still in a committed relationship, have a parental role, and family and children all understand that. I think it should be the parents right to decide what contact is appropriate between the school and the step parent. In any case I AM married to my SKids Dad, we have been together 7 years, married 4, we now have SD14 full time, I am a stay home Mom so I am the one providing most of the care, and her school still failed to contact me when an issue arose recently, even though they failed to get a response from DH and BM. Personally I find that frustrating and feel that given the prevalence of blended families these days more support and respect should be given to step parents by schools, doctors etc.
Sorry the teacher is right.
Sorry the teacher is right. You have no rights. Calling the house about the award is what she did. Calling the Dad about problems is completely right. She is not supposed to discuss anything with you. Marry him if you want full disclosure on the child. But, in all fairness, we have no rights even after we are married. We shouldn't unless we adopt these children.
Get used to it. If you want to be taken seriously than you need to marry him. Sorry, but you are just the girlfriend.
You are completely wrong on this one...
(No subject)
:O
Duplicate?
Duplicate?
THANKS I WISH YOU WOULD, that
THANKS I WISH YOU WOULD, that was what i needed to hear, luv them all, iam guessing you work for this teacher. see previous teachers shared the information with me because i was there for everything, and its called "culture and DIVERSITY", its an ece class, i reccommend it. see society is becoming more blended and as teachers its our job ( i work in daycare) to RESPECT EACH AND EVERY FAMILY, whether we agree with it or not. but thats beside the point, my question was about OTHER PEOPLES EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH SIMILAR SITUATIONS.
treehugger and 3girls mom: I
treehugger and 3girls mom: I am not attending the meeting i have work, iam just simply venting. and IAM NOT NEW TO THE GAME, been playing it for 3 years..iam going to take the advice of the first person, and ignore the ignorant ones.
sorry i get bitchy its just
sorry i get bitchy
its just TOUGH! i think my agression comes from the fact that I grew up without my own bm and have no relationship with her at all, but i had another "adopted" mother who iam super close too..and she is way more my mother than my bm will ever be. and my own dad went through a similar situation in 6th grade i wrote a letter about my family, and included my adopted family in it, and the teacher gave me a d and told my dad i got a d because that is not who my true family is. and my aggression comes from the fact that no one respects me, i get told all the time that iam not a mother because i dont know what its like to "have my own", but yet taking care of kids is all ive done my whole life, from age 9 til the present, its all i know, i live and breath to take care of kids. i understand that no one will respect me as a "mother" to this child, i understand that iam not her "mother", and that i have no rights, what iam saying is this teacher will never meet bm, so she should get over it, all the other teachers have had no problems sharing information with me. but its just short term, it just seems like when things get nice and smooth, bam you get slapped in the face and its more bumps in the road. Right when things go right stuff goes wrong, iam just not use to one teacher including and respecting me and the next one not, so yes i guess iam new to the school stuff..iam just venting about the hurt, but i guess i have to respect myself as sds "parent" and ignore the rest? i am also worried because I dont want this teacher passing these ideas onto her...let her decide and its not the teachers place to meddle at all..
Houtxstepmom - good
Houtxstepmom - good perspective regarding the gay couple analogy.. it is so true...
I'm a teacher and I'm not
I'm a teacher and I'm not legally allowed to share info about students with anyone who isn't the legal guardian of the student. And I hear ya squawking - I am very involved in my stepsons schooling and would be pissed if one of their teachers' wouldn't meet with me b/c I'm not their BM. I'm sure BM would love to attend parent-teacher conferences if she wasn't out hooking for crack money. (oops - sorry, mini-vent). Point is, I wouldn't take it personally b/c it is actually the law in many places (even though not all teachers follow it). If you really want to be involved in the schooling then go with boyfriend to any meetings that take place then the school will start to realize that you are the mother-figure and may let you in on the process.
Yesyesyes! Teachers have an
Yesyesyes! Teachers have an even more constricted role in who they talk to now. I agree that SM's or whoever is the "parent" figure needs to attend the school function in order to be recognized and involved- take that initiative.
but you ARE the girlfriend,
but you ARE the girlfriend, right? I mean, you're not biomom, you've not stepmom, you're not legally-mandated-mom and you're not married in any way shape or form?
You are a girlfriend who has, per your report, been there longer than bio-mom which definitely makes you important- however, to the legal system and the schools in most circumstances you are just a "friend" to all involved. It may not be fair to you, but to take it out on a teacher who is just following the rules is totally uncalled for. I saw nothing in your post to suggest you're being discriminated against by this teacher. You're pissed because you weren't privy to information your BF was.
I am always cognizant of the behaviors of the teachers around FSD and I am always AMAZED that they share as much as they do with me when FDH and I aren't married yet. They all know that Ex-BM is still paying for child care and the BM, but they still share with me. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't because I can't stand FSD's behaviors and wish I could pawn it off on BM- but it is what it is.
Sue... I love this
Sue... I love this phrase...
"Honor who you are and OWN it..."
I think that applies to us as stepmoms, but also as women.
Being called a stepmother is
Being called a stepmother is placing herself above her station? Ugh. How insulting.
As a stepmom, in word only, I in no way think I am "better" than someone who is a girlfriend, but being a mother figure to their stepkids.
When I was in grade school,
When I was in grade school, the teacher would punish me for writing with my left hand! I was not allowed and was "transformed" into a rightie.
Couldnt your partner just
Couldnt your partner just right a letter giving permission etc as you are now the main careers of this child surely he can give permission so they can give this kind of info to you.
This didn't happen at all
This didn't happen at all with us here SA, and me in particular. That's why I wrote my opinion below.
These teachers can get in
These teachers can get in trouble for talking to someone with no legal claim to a child. Why is it okay for you to insist that they talk to you? Even if you marry him, you still don't have these rights.
I recently had to take a day off with my husband in order to be able to see our kids on Infinite Campus. Online Gradebook. Because the BM removed my DH's address, we couldn't see any of the kids, including my bio. To get it resolved he and I both had to go, because they wouldn't talk to just me. Now after two offices and three hours, he can see all three of the kids, and I can only see my son. That is as it should be. Everytime I tried to explain anything during these discussions, I was told that they could not talk to me.
With Hipa Laws for doctors and other govt. regulation, these administrators and doctors have to be very cautious. Don't blame the teacher for doing her job. If you don't like it, adopt the kid. If that is not possible, then just leave these conversations to the BIO Parents...
There are laws about who
There are laws about who teachers can speak to about their students. If your boyfriend wants the teachers to speak to you about issues with his children, he can have it put in a CO & submit it to the school.
I'm curious, though...why do you feel the teacher should be obligated to go through you on it? Why is it a problem that the teacher needed to speak to the child's father about it instead of you?
Basically what we did here -
Basically what we did here - was didn't ask.
BM didn't raise a fuss, so we didn't push it.
At one point, we had talked to an attorney regarding my rights, and if I should get a Power of Attorney to act in DH's absence, since he is traveling so much. It hasn't come up yet. (Thank God!)
I think DW should just let her BF take her to the school teacher conference and move forward. And then if BM makes a stink, address it.
It's not about who THINKS DW has rights or not... It's about her role in this child's life... what her BF thinks her role in this child's life should be, and how much BM will push back. And unless the school has an actual written policy that the teacher cannot talk to BF's girlfriend - when she is with or without BF, as the child is LIVING WITH HER, then really, it's no one else's business if they have the piece of paper marrying them or not. She's good enough to be the child's guardian, since BM is going to prison.. she's good enough to attend a parent-teacher conference. My opinion, of course!