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Any advice dealing with the GAL?

foreveretc's picture

Submitted by foreveretc on Tue, 01/10/2012 - 10:56pm

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Just wondering if anyone can give us some pointers or explain the process and what to expect...we reallly have noooo idea what will happen! its not that we arent the better choice as parents, its just we want to be prepared and have our 'a' game ready since its always an uphill battle.

what type of questions will he ask us? whats the 'correct' way to answer them? :? I am very involved in my ss5 and sd7's lives when possible and they (atm) dont show any resentment toward me, but from reading posts on here it seems like the sm needs to just get out of the way during the custody battle, which doesnt really work for our situation.

like i said, any advice and tips are appreciated!

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Tue, 01/10/2012 - 11:07pm

I personally havent had the chance to deal with that. Our BM is crazy and i think we might get to skip it.

But i can recommend this. Wine. Bubble baths. The book stepmonster. And get you self into some kind of activity to get out of the house for some u time. Then strap on your seat belt it is a bumpy road ahead.

If this sounds negative it isnt ment too. I have had a hell of 48 hours and about 4 hours of sleep. Good luck. And step talk really kind of becomes a family of support

mella's picture

Submitted by mella on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 9:47am

Just want to say a GAL is typically not an attorney, and they do not represent the children themselves - they are an advocate for the child's best interests. Some children do have their own attorneys, whose role it is to represent the child and what the child wants. A GAL is not that person - the GAL will advocate for what is best for the child's well-being, whether the child agrees with it or not. So if the child wants to live with his drug-addicted mom who neglects him, the GAL will listen to that child's wishes but will likely go against the child's wishes if that is better for the child.

Also the Court will listen very carefully to the GAL's recommendations but is not bound by them. They don't follow the recs blindly but the Court's and the GAL's first priority is the child's best interests, so if the GAL is doing her job, the Court will usually agree with the recommendations because that's what best for the child.

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 7:26am

GAL's interview the parents, children and step parents. They make home visits to both homes. They read medical charts, school files and speak with other necessary professionals.

Our fee's were not split 50/50 as they should have. BM commited fraud on her financial affidavit. And she received no slap on the hand.

VioletsareBlue's picture

Submitted by VioletsareBlue on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 9:26am

We dealt with a GAL. I was very much involved because that's how they wanted it to be. Just be yourself and don't change anything about you or how you do things or how you interact with the kids. When the GAL came to our home for a home visit I was starting to cook dinner SD7 said, "I don't like spaghetti." (which she does). I said, "That's what we are having for dinner, this isn't a restaurant. I know you like spaghetti but if you don't want to eat it you can have the salad." No way was I going to act any different than I already do.
The GALs report was very pro-me and told BM that I was a mother figure to SD7 and should be seen that way be everyone.

So, just be yourself. Since you live in the home, the GAL will want to talk to you.

foreveretc's picture

Submitted by foreveretc on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 10:53am

Its such a stresfull time! the mother is in another custody battle over her other son (2? 3?) and they have a GAL in that case and the GAL for that case is recommending that the father continue to have custody. He filed for emergency custody due to the BM's husband being abusive to her often, and to their son. He was granted that, and it seems like he will be granted full custody at the final hearing next week. Its hard to not get our hopes up because it IS the same household and same mother....and the other father has a criminal history and his wife has a history with drugs and supposedly he himself used to sell drugs. The biggest thing we are worried about is the fact we live out of state. The children have known no stability, so its not like we would be ripping them out of the home they grew up in, her family is testifying on our side at court so she has nothing to do with them now...she cant support the kids and her husband is a terror with a record a mile long (abuse, kidnapping/not letting his gf at the time leave the house for days when they were fighting, etc)

oh, but they have 'found God' now so hes perfect now. funny how he found God but when they were in a fight right before thanksgiving, he had a knife out threatening her and then she cut up their couch in anger with the knife. yep thats cured!

Edit- Also, im very involved in their daily lives here (even when i dont want to be Blum 3 )and my dh and bm divorced when ss5 was a baby, so they dont really 'remember' dh and bm being together

unwillingparticipant's picture

Submitted by unwillingparticipant on Wed, 01/11/2012 - 11:04am

Wow - I definitely have a lot to say on this subject and unfortunately, it's ALL bad. I am by no means saying that all GAL's are like the one we had to deal with but beware. We live in CT and our GAL is a woman and an attorney, fyi. She didn't talk to friends, family, neighbors, doctors, school officials, coaches, ss10's cub scout leader, etc. NONE of it. She didn't pull medical records, school records, NONE of it. She talked to DH, SS10, BM and BM's equally insane parents. THATS IT.

1) I agree with nosteppingstone: Do not involve yourself unless the GAL specifically wants to talk to you. I made the mistake of believing the GAL for SS10 was interested in my role in SS10's life and the relationship I had with him. She wasn't and I believe she was annoyed that I even thought I was significant in the whole scenario. She straight up said to my face "stay out of it".

2) Do not go there with a boatload of evidence about how awful BM or her family/friends/associates/coworkers, etc are. He will think you are cocky. We went there with VIDEO of SS10's maternal grandmother screaming at DH in front of SS10, we have video of BM handing SS10 off to her parents every single time he went for his scheduled visitation. We have video of bm and maternal grandmother coming to our home to get the rest of bm's crap with the police present and maternal grandmother AGAIN screaming at myself and DH in front of the police in our home. We have texts and emails of the lies bm was telling us about how SHE was the one that was spending time with SS10 when it was 100% her parents doing the parenting. The GAL dismissed it. All of it. We were flabbergasted.

3) Do not expect to get what you want. You won't get it. I 100% guarantee that.

4) The GAL will be in SS5 and SS7's life until they both turn 18. So you will be walking on eggshells and wondering if every move you and or DH make will piss off said GAL for the next 13 years. It's torture.

5) The GAL will believe who he wants to believe regardless of any evidence YOU have defending yourself. Case in point, SS10 has a pocket-rocket (mini-battery-powered-bike) that he rides in our condo complex. BM told GAL that ss10 rides it on the street. The GAL believed every word of it without even asking dh!

I believe that in our case for whatever reason, the GAL simply doesn't like DH. She makes her judgement calls based on her personal feelings about DH.
Keep us posted!