Any advice!?
Here's my #1 dilemma...how should I handle or do I even have an opinion cuz sometimes I feel like I have no choice no voice in this....so here's alil about me I have a child from previous marriage and husband has children from previous as well, now we have 2 kids together.
Well my child comes and goes every other weekend (lives w father) his kids come every single weekend plus during the week he will pick them up from school. Every time I try and say something about them coming the weekend AGAIN it turns into a argument. I don't hate them or dislike them but I want weekends without having a house full of kids, sometimes. I know I married into this but I kid you not this is not how it was I used to see them every 2 weeks or so and we had a blast with them. Our kids are toddlers so I'm already alil overwhelmed w them then he brings his all the time. I work all week husband is temporarily not working so idk if he feels the need to have them here just because of that but I get home tired or what not and want to be with my babies. I'm so stressed out sometimes that I don't even wanna leave my bedroom. Last time I said something he responded with" they are my kids and if I want them here I'll bring them" the mother apparently is never home and is leaving them to got out but I feel like the more he brings them the more she takes advance. How should I bring this up to him with out turning this into an argument.
I'm afraid you can't ask him
I'm afraid you can't ask him to not have his kids. It does not sound like an unreasonable custody schedule for him. My skids are also here every single weekend.
Now, what you CAN ask him is for some couple time. Don't say long term you want his kids less. Tell him every now and again you'd love a weekend for just you two.
There's nothing wrong about spouses needing alone time, in tact families do it all the time.
But if his kids are being neglected at mom's there's no way you can tell him he can't have them on what is a reasonable custody schedule anyway. Believe me, I know every single weekend can get tiresome, but all you can hope for his a break now and then.
I've always told my dh his kids are welcome to live here full time.* It's never happened. But at the same time I've felt free to ask for a weekend off and I've gotten it.
*You will get a lot more sympathy from him if you offer him support first.
Just ask for some alone time.
Just ask for some alone time. I also think once every few months bm should take the kids to give u all a break. Why should she have all of her weekends free while u have the kids !?! But really you can't ask him to keep the kids away on a regular basis. If all the kids were yours you would have all of the 24/7. Also. What I bm dies !?! Morbid I know but then you would have all of the kids all the time. At least that's not the case
There custody order is pretty
There custody order is pretty much like everyone's Wednesday and everyOTHER* weekend. But they don't follow it and if I say anything it's like I'm completely hating his kids which is the total opposite and he knows it!! And I'm not trying to keep them away but I would like a weekend off from all the craziness. If she would pass away that would be different and understandable they would become ours completely but she's there and it feels like she takes advantage of the unconditional love husband has for his kids and how he would never say no to having them
I think for you and your
I think for you and your hubby to have one weekend without the kids every few months is very reasonable. If he gets defensive when u try to talk to him regarding this it's not a good sign. He needs to take your needs into consideration.
I've tried the whole I want
I've tried the whole I want the weekend off and just have some me and you time but he's like we're still gonna have the babies might as well bring the bigger ones too. He always says that the older ones tell the mom that he spends all his time with the babies and not them so the whole let's have a weekends to him means NO KIDS at all :/ is it bad that I want us to spend time with the babies alone also?
If you don't want to get a
If you don't want to get a babysitter for all the kids then I think the only other next best thing you can try is to find some fabulous daylong activity you can sign up the older ones. Art camp or computer camp or something. Something the skids will be excited about and dad will consider a thoughtful gift.
The last thing on earth you want to be seen as is the person shutting out his kids.
Thanks for the advice guys, I
Thanks for the advice guys, I dont wanna sound like a witch so I'll just leave it as it is :/ they are getting older and the only outlet I see is soon they will want to hang with friends more and parents less. Haha
He has 3 kids from his
He has 3 kids from his previous 15, 10, & 8. we buy them everything they need throughout the year as in back to school clothes then winter clothes, etc since she's doesn't work. I dont understand how his arrangements are but he does pay weekly support as well, the problem is as soon as I say something about them coming he gets upset. He doesn't do much around the house I get home and do whatever is needed. If he gets all the kids and I'm not home he takes them out to eat -.- if I'm home he helps with the cooking. But all I want is alil break and don't know how to state it and it going thur without all this stupid arguing. We spend so much as it is. Having a weekend or 2 a month how it's suppose to be will also help us financially.
Mayb but the thing is that he
Mayb but the thing is that he doesn't see a problem with the current situation. And when I bring it up he gets defensive like I'm the bad evil step mom that doesn't want his kids here. Ughhh
Every weekend is the same they sit in the living room and play video games all damn day it's just so frustrating, not that I wanna watch something but all were hearing thought out the house is gunshots....
You need time with your young
You need time with your young children and your husband without his prior relationship kids. Time to inform him that they have to move to an EOWE schedule too. Your prior relationship kids are not in your home constantly. His can do the same.
As the sole bread winner currently your state of mind is far more critical than your unemployed DH's IMHO.
Just my thoughts of course.
Good luck.
That's how I see it but won't
That's how I see it but won't say it out loud since I feel like it sounds mean that I want to just spend time with our babies. They need time also say my little one wants to go see a movie and it's a Disney movie husband wants to take all of them even if they don't want to see it and once were there they are just being rude and loud (this is boring- I wanna go home) ughh so I brought up the idea of him spending time with the older one then another day with the middle ones well that went well until I wanted to do something alone with my older child, he said if I'm doing something with the older one I have to take my little ones. He didn't want to "babysit" his own kids because that would mean he would be completely alone with all of them. All this has my anxiety going crazier I never get to just have a calm day.
This is a yours, mine, and
This is a yours, mine, and ours situation and I actually think her desires on this are reasonable. Her prior relationship kids are EOWE residents of their home, their joint children are resident, and his prior relationship kids are far more frequently in the mix.
Though in an ideal situation parenting is a full time proposition but in blended family situations that is just not the case. To make a blended family the best possible situation for all involved a strictly enforced CO with fixed visitaiton is optimal IMHO.
The OP wants nothing more than a couple of days a week without her Skids in the mix. Her DH gets regular time without his SKids in the mix. Why shouldn't she get the same?
I would love a break from all
I would love a break from all of them including husband. But I can't they literally live with me and our home is their only home. I can't control his children like I do mine I can't send them to nap time. It's very different I don't see how we can compare kids since skids have a primary home and my little ones only have one home. I'm only asking how to tell him that I want a weekend without any of the skids including mine but I know no matter how I word it it will sound mean and selfish, I really didn't think I was asking for much I don't want a whole mont I'm not even asking a a whole week. Now Christmas vacation is coming and we're getting them all those days which is always the same and I get it but damn a weekend before there xmas break would be nice.
That's part of the problem
That's part of the problem too everything is always his way, if I ever want anything another way I'm the horrible mom. Husband comes and goes wherever he wants ALONE while I'm at home with all the kids and ok whatever but if I want to run down to the store to get something quick I need to take the little ones, when he knows how difficult it can be to have both together sometimes. He can have all the alone time he wants yet my alone time is driving home from work.
OK, now more info is coming
OK, now more info is coming out. That right there is baloney.
Stop asking his permission for alone time or how to run your house in general.
Announce you're going to the store and then meeting your girlfriends at the movies and wish him a great time with his children.
If he is really, really terrible and you don't trust that he'll actually care for them while you're gone, dig into his wallet and pay for a baby sitter.
When I was a teen the lady across the street used to hire me to babysit while her husband was at home alone with their children. I thought that was the weirdest thing in the world at the time but what did I care I got the money.
Now I understand it better. If it's the only way you can get alone time but still keep your peace of mind and not face kids dipped in mud and tomato sauce and a spluttering, angry dh when you get home, just do it. It will be so worth the extra 20 bucks.
I do think counceling would
I do think counceling would help us out a lot but to convince him to go would be a problem -.-
I am not as nice as I should
I am not as nice as I should be possibly...But you have a husband here barely working and a crap load of kids all the time and told by the husband that is the way it is....oh no....
I would tell him we are going to have an every other weekend thing and adhere to it or you've made the last house/rent payment. Then, I would stick by it until he started respecting the person paying HIS bills; even if he were paying half--you'd get at least equal say. Tell him to get the money from his kids, your pocketbook just closed.
You are not being treated reasonably by him and of course you are tired of this; you deserve a break and much more support from your husband.
Thank you Sueu2 for sharing
Thank you Sueu2 for sharing your honest opinion with me. I think the reason for this forum exists is for different people to provide varied opinions to the OP. You and I will have to agree to disagree. Only the OP knows what is right for her to do, after she reads all the opinions posted; it is really just HER business.
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OP YOU my dear are in the
OP YOU my dear are in the wrong.
Please put the shoe on the other foot.
My advise is to be thankful you have a husband whos ex allows the kids to be in HIS life and two, he wants it too.
Time for you to have your bios only on weekends THIS way you wont have any kids during the week or pretty close to it. There now you have your free time.
I do that's why I follow the
I do that's why I follow the everyother weekend with my child because I dont want that resentment from husband and even my childs' stepmom. I've put myself in everyone's shoes I know your kids will always be your kids but each parent should do there part. I really feel like the birth mom takes advantage. I do feel bad for the skids but then why not just hand the kids over to us if she doesn't want to help with anything.
NOT cool that she only wants
NOT cool that she only wants HER babies there.
Ughhhhhh
it has been how it is and
it has been how it is and whatever I deal with it but I'm not asking for them not to come over at all. During the week doesn't matter but I do want a weekend off I really don't think it's that bad especially since BM expects us to get the kids Friday after school and she won't pick them up until 9-10pm on Sunday's. And I do get that it's his kids and forever will be but we pay weekly and for every thing they need without her doing anything for them, then for example we have a event on a weekend and now we have to pay sitter for 5 kids instead of 2 is a BIG difference when she could easily have taken them. This wasn't about me getting rid of them I like the kids, I like that my little ones spend a lot of time with them but having them every weekend is starting to get to me
The last time I brought it up I told him that I want all the kids here together not in parts and he said OK but that was 3 weekends ago and nothing changed haha so if I bring it up again is just fees like I'm freakin nagging about it and that's when i feel like the horrible step mom.
My step-daughter lives with
My step-daughter lives with us full time (her mother is deceased) so obviously I don't get much time away from her. We try to make alone time with each other--and we're pretty successful at it usually. But sometimes we're not, and sometimes I need a break from my step-daughter being around. I mean I like her a lot--but things are still a little awkward between us.
What I like to do when we aren't able to make alone time, is to go out with a friend. Have a spa day or go get coffee or catch a movie for a couple of hours. I get my husband to watch the kids, and he's pretty content to do it. If your husband isn't willing to make that effort--then he's not trying hard enough. I think that much is fine to ask for. A little alone time does us all some good.