Oh I have to grit my teeth a lot.

Thanks goodness we have virtually no interaction with BM. Two phone calls in the past two years. Both concerning seriously ill children. One of whom died but BM forgot to tell DH when that happened. :jawdrop:

But my DH is a total nut case when it comes to BM. He will defend her to nth degree. She is perfect and nothing she has ever done wrong is her fault. She would not have cheated on him if he'd been a better husband.

He is the one who showed me:
1. Where he had his ONS that produced the now dead SS. (in the woods on the side of the road)
2. Where they spent their honeymoon.
etc etc
Seriously- who does that kind of crap? Why would I want to see where he had sex with her?

He also drove me to show me the house where her mother lives and where she grew up. We pass her house all the time and he always has to crane his neck that direction and inform me that is her house.

He will never acknowledge any of my accomplishments or achievements. Any pathetic little thing she has ever done is of course more interesting than me.

I had a better career (seriously better - like internationally recognized in my field with visits to White House), incredibly better educated - fabulous undergrad women's college, the top business school in the world. Phi beta kappa, top honors, etc. He will NEVER acknowledge that I am even the tiniest bit more accomplished or intelligent than she is.(please pardon my bragging - I am just trying to get across the point that there really is no comparison between us).

And I truly do not think I am "better than her" because of my career and education. I am better than her because I am not a lying whining spoiled brat tramp.

I've had to just let it go and realize that he looks at her as a reflection on him and it is so important for her to measure up. He does not want to be married to her. He divorced her. And not because of her cheating he forgave her for that long before the divorce.

So at this point I just refuse to have "Perfect Pam" ever mentioned.

My husband loves me. As I was sitting her typing this he just said from across the room "I love my wife". He brags about me all the time. Sometimes I have to tell him to put a lid on it as I don't feel the need to tell everyone what I've done with life.

But I still have to grit my teeth as the things he has done (nothing new recently) that have just seared my very soul.

Oh I know what you mean!! BM's bank closed her account so now she's asking DH to give her CS in cash and he does! Now there's absolutely no record of him paying CS since way before Christmas. "Santa" gave him a receipt book to record all the cash transactions, but tonight he just handed over cash. When I asked him about the receipt book, his reply "Oh, she'll never lie about it." *sigh*

Pick your battles. My rule - if it can seriously screw with my time, my money, my normal day-to-day life, then I get a say. I wouldn't gripe over the bread. I may ignore the stuff stored depending on how long it's there or how often she pops over to grab something and/or how much it's in my way. I would ask him why he helps with her moving. It may be that he wants to check out the new place his kids are living in. If moving freaks the kids out, he might want to be there more for them.

I'm trying to teach DH the phrase, "Let me talk with VolGirl and we'll get back to you." I know that he doesn't want to appear pu**y whipped, but I hate feeling like an after thought.

i don't understand why so many women give their dh's a free pass with bm's when they would never tolerate similar actions towards another woman. bm is the mother of his children and that relationship turned into a business relationship the moment they divorced. everything in writing, payments recordable. help moving??? errands??? defends her? this isn't a bio-mom problem. its a husband problem and the problem is that he's still emotionally attached to his ex. he will continue doing these things unless you are ready to swing the hammer on his ass. men will test their boundaries with you and you've given your permission. whining and complaining doesn't work. actions speak to men. what are you willing to do to geth his balls out of bm's purse? i'll tell you what i did...i told mine it was either her or me and i was fully prepared to walk. his ex bitch isn't much of a problem anymore. he doesn't allow her to be.

I have come to the conclusion that many men are lacking when it comes to social skills and common sense. I have lost count of the times my DH has felt it important to fill me in on details that I never asked to hear.

DH hasn't a clue to my past sexual experiences. For me private matters remain private. Unfortunately DH has a history of running his mouth about anything and everything. I have never had the "need " to point out the past places of interest that concerned an ex. Actually, dh has never shown any interest in anything or place that has to do with the 25 years of adult life I had prior to our marriage. He has never shown an interest in videos, pictures or stories about the years prior to him.

It can be confusing to the present wife to hear DH complain to every friend, stranger and family member that

His adult kids are the low life scum of the earth that keep reproducing
His children use him as if he were the "bank of free loans"
His ex was dishonest, cheating, low life who ruined his life.

His complaints are really self serving. As long as there is someone who will continue to say "That isn't your fault, They are so terrible to you, How could they treat you that way when you are so good to them."

Oldone is right about men feeling the ex and family is a reflection of them. They will badmouth the ex or childrens actions and behavior if someone will listen and say "poor you"
If the wife starts pointing out that he does have some responsibility in the fact that his children turned out quite trashy, or that the ex and children are following through on what he taught them was acceptable expectations of him then he becomes defensive of them.