You've been bottling everything up inside for a long time, haven't you? Honey, I'm sorry, I know that thinking of his past is like a toxic fungus that eats away at you until it feels like you don't have any soul left. But you do Have you thought about therapy to help you deal with your feelings? Erupting at DH won't solve anything, he can't change his past but you can learn to live with it and realize that he may not have his firsts with you but he can have his bests with you.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

I am a SM with no bio-kids. DH & I have been together for going on 9 years. When BM left the 4th (last) time, she left EVERYTHING behind. DH had all her crap in his house and was trying to keep his life together and muddle through with his children. When I started staying there I asked him would he mind if I cleaned house and put some of her things away and he had no problem with it. He was working late hours and I'm sure his spirit simply wasn't in looking through his past life again. I knew if I wanted it out of the way, I had to do it. It was difficult to see their pictures. Their wedding pictures didn't throw me the way the skids pictures did, as I have my pictures from my first marriage. But the pictures of the BM & DH on vacation together while she's pregnant with skids, BM in the delivery room and their BM, DH, & brand new baby pics in the hospital, skids birthday parties, Christmas's, etc...it all just tore me up inside because I knew by then that kids weren't going to be an option for me with DH.

I guess over time I've accepted that fact and have looked at his pics so many times. I know BM well enough to know that the bulk of their life together wasn't the "happy" life that is portrayed in these pictures. As he could see I was hurt, he would keep telling me,"Honey. I can't take back my life with BM, just like you can't take back your life with EH. I love my children, but in my life with you, I can love my children AND feel happy. I couldn't feel happy in my life with BM." I realize now, that we don't take pictures of the unhappy times. We don't take pictures of arguments and misery. Obviously, they had A LOT more of those moments than happy ones, or they would still be together.

I have healed from most of my jealousy and anger, and there are times I pull his pictures out to look at the ones of his kids when they were younger. We never see his kids anymore, and it hurts us both. I know it makes me sad inside, but it makes me even more sad to think about how much it must hurt for DH. I miss them, and it helps me feel better to be able to look at their pictures. As for the pics of BM & Dh together...I don't know for sure that I have truly accepted it and become okay with it, or if that jealousy that used to hurt me so badly has just become numb now.

I know that it makes DH sad to see his kids' pictures from that period in his life because he doesn't see them now, so when I want to go through them, I do it when he's not around.

I swear you are living my life....it is incredibly painful to know that he has had his chance to live with all of those wonderful memories that you will never have if he is the one you choose to be with. I live with that everyday. To make things worse his bratty daughter lives with us and I have to hear all about their lives before the divorce all the time and how cute she was (she is vile now), ETC ETC ETC..
I want to puke but when I finally had a fit and threw down the ultimatum - DH broke down and cried! He begged me to stop asking for a child because he just can't handle having another child that hates him and expects him to sacrifice for them. He said he can't emotionally handle having anymore kids. I felt horrible and promised that I would not bring it up again but the thought that I will not have all those pictures and memories still haunts me.
Now that Bratface lives with us, I'm over the wanting of kids. I want to be selfish and spoiled - it's time for us (if we survive the next few months).

Good luck to you. Hope it gets better.