AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
So, we have had our Sk here for the summer since June 4 at first it was fine, we were settling into a groove and getting reacquainted...it had been since Xmas since we have seen each other. So, for the first week we were good, the second week we got them started on chores...that's when problems started. At their mothers house they don't have to lift a finger...they live with their grandma and she cleans up after them. Making their beds, clean their rooms, cleans their messes, gives them whatever they want...you get the point. They are 11 and 8...old enough to clean their rooms, make their beds, and help around the house...in other words, they are old enough to contribute to the family. Well, first it started with simple punishments...take their phones away..yes BM has gotten them BOTH iphones!!!! Don't let them go outside, not go to the pool things like that. This didn't work. So we tried discussing it..that didn't work, so we tried speaking LOUDLY to them...that didn't work. Instead, what happened was they decided to tell their mother that I was the mean one, I didn't let SD eat ice cream last night because she didn't drink the amount of water she is supposed to in a day...She knows what is expected of her. Well she thinks she can do whatever she wants because daddy will let her. And up until what we found out this morning he usually does...although if I tell her no, he backs me up. He just feels bad for doing so probably because she is his only bio child right now. So anyway, she tattled to her mom about that. Said I'm mean because I was going to make them wash the walls again because SS has pinworms that he got at his moms house. I just don't know what to do!!!! This is crazy and out of control. My husband is sending them home tomorrow...he doesn't want them here anymore because of how they treat me...I'm the one home with them 24/7...I dunno I guess I just need to get it out. My friend told me this site really helped her out, so I'm hoping it will do the same for me!!!
I don't believe sending them
I don't believe sending them home is the answer. I believe your husband's reading up on dealing with a controlling ex when it comes to the kids is the answer, as is his reading John Rosemond's articles and books.
My DS is 11 and SD is 9. They
My DS is 11 and SD is 9. They are expected to clean their rooms and playroom, tidy the bathroom when they are finished bathing and take their dirty dishes to the sink. They get an allowance for this. They are reminded once, and then money is taken from their allowance to "pay the maid" - aka me.
Sending them home to BM sends the message that a) BM's home is a punishment and b) you and your DH aren't able to properly discipline them. Both will make discipline more difficult in the future.
Although, I think in this case, maybe he's sending the kids home to protect them FROM you. I understand that drinking 8 glasses of water a day is healthy, but refusing ice cream seams petty. However, making a kid wash walls because he came to you with an infection (something more than likely not his fault) is just vindictive. If he picks up pinworms at his mom's house, then it's just one LESS reason for any sort of punishment at your house.
Yeah, I don't get the
Yeah, I don't get the pinworms and washing walls connection. If the kid has pinworms-his bedding, blankets, towels, washcloths need to be washed daily in hot water. He needs medication and frankly so does every member of your family as it is very contagious and typically they treat the whole family if one member has it.
I speak from experience. My ss had pinworms. We all had to take medication. I didn't make him wash walls although I did make him do his own wash in order to cut down on the chances of me acquiring them.