You are here

I don't even know anymore.

AlmostATragedy's picture

Submitted by AlmostATragedy on Fri, 09/28/2018 - 9:07pm

So I have 3 step kids that live with us. They have not had a good up bringing 2 boys and a girl the oldest 13 and then 12 and the girl is the youngest she is 8. Their mother is on drugs and they have been exposed to that lifestyle way more than they should have. I myself am in recovery from a drug addiction where I lost my kids to their fathers and am trying to get them back. I have been in the step kids lives almost a year. Things were good until they came to live with us. They want to be with their mother I understand that but I feel that's because she doesn't discipiline them,she never made them get up for school, they were exposed to all her different boyfriends, and to the drug world. They didn't have to do anything and they've grown up way too fast because of it. They act like it's the end of the world for them to have to clean our house on a daily basis. That consists of their rooms, the living room, clean up after the dog, sweep, and do the dishes, and take out the trash. Most of the dishes are theirs and I try to clean up after myself and them on my days off. They talk to their mother and to their dad's mom as if me and their dad are using them as slaves. And my boyfriend's mother calls and complains to me as if I am out of line for making them do chores and grounding them from their bikes when the chores don't get done. 

 

Any advice?

Am I being to harsh? 

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 09/28/2018 - 10:14pm

This is a grandmother that should be interfering and doing all she can to get her grandkids into her home.   Those kids went from living with an addict mom, to living with a recovering addict who lost custody of her own kids.

I don't understand how you can talk smack about BM when you have walked the same path she's walking.

 

How can you talk about BM when you have walked the same path she is walking?

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 09/29/2018 - 1:37am

To be extremely difficult to make them behave somewhat normal. They never had a stable life with routines, like normal family’s.  Bed time, to do well in school, cleaning up after themselves ect. Nobody wanted them to well in school, be a good person.  

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 09/29/2018 - 5:31am

Why are you parenting these kids? Let their father do it.  And let him deal with his interfering mother, too.

DC208's picture

Submitted by DC208 on Sat, 09/29/2018 - 9:28pm

Parenting is a complex and nuanced responsibility--and you'll find that many parents debate different parenting styles.  Step-parents is a different beast with bio kids, step kids, etc and things can get pretty difficult and mentally/emotionally and physically draining very quickly.  I imagine that recovery from addiction is a long-term journey with many day to day challenges. And, as a parent, who is also trying to get back your children you must be going thru your internal struggle and frustrations.  I know you're trying your best with boyfriend's kids, but you really need to take care of you.  Permit me to suggest some of the things you might be trying to accomplish with his children is because you don't have your own children with you.  I could be wrong, of course.  I think it should be all about getting YOU and getting yourself into the right mental, emotional and physical space to receive and parent your own children.    Perhaps you see helping your boyfriend with his kids as a way of preparing yourself for parenting and getting back on the family-life track.  If so, while being in your current situation, you should set clear house rules and punishments.  Write them down and make sure everyone clearly knows them!   Don't question yourself-when a rule has been broke enact the punishment- no questioned asked.  If your boyfriend doesn't like it, let him clean up after them and do their chores.  Be kind and respectful to the grandmother but stand your ground by saying something like...I hear your complaint and understand how you feel, but the rules here are XYZ and the punishment for breaking them is XYZ-period!   A colleague I work with who became a dear friend shared with me many stories of his long recovery.   Please, please if you're going to stress yourself out--do all of it for you!  I sure the courts want to see a number of things going right before you are able to get back your children.  Work on that first