Advice Please
So, BM is taking FDH to court because she "needs more money" and she's trying to get her greedy little hands in MY company. Well, FDH is sick of being walked all over by BM (between lying about how much money she's recieved from FDH for child support to not allowing FDH to see the kids, the list goes on and on). Anyways, FDH has had enough (finally) and wants to get a lawyer this time for when they go to court! Fine! BUT, FDH somehow thinks that I need to help financially with the lawyer!!! UM, no... I work hard at 2 jobs plus run my own company and have no kids! I feel like he's the one that had kids with this b*tch so he's the one that should pay for them! I feel like I am being robbed of my future to pay for his past. Anyone have any advice? Am I just being greedy or am I justified? I don't have a lot of money as I just started my full time job last month and my other job is part-time on weekends, and the company is new, so there is no money in it really, especailly since I have to hire and pay for staff since I started working full time. BM sits at home on welfare and expects the world to pay for her. She's been married and divorced and has another kid (besides the 2 she has with my FDH) that she gets no support for. We both feel like she's trying to get more money from FDH because she can't afford to take care of 3 kids by herself, when FDH only has TWO kids with her! I just feel like, I made a concious choice to not have kids young. I wanted to focus on school and getting a good job and get married before I decide to play "house". I don't feel like I should have to pay for their break up, 10 years later! It's just not fair! Yes, some people may say "you knew what you were getting into when you found out he had kids", but no one really knows that it's going to be hell on earth!!! And, I thought that they'd have all of this shit taken care of by now! Why the hell do I have to help pay for lawyers? I think he wants to go for custody, but that's the LAST thing that I want! I am perfectly happy seeing them EOW. Even that's too much at times. Any input would be appreciated. And, if you think I'm in the wrong, please say so. I'm a big girl and can handle the truth!
I wish it was just court
I wish it was just court fee's. It's everything! Like, us being broke ALL THE TIME, but when his boys are over, all of a sudden we have this magic money to spend on them at the movies, because, heaven forbit they should get bored when they're over. We've never combined our money or assests because of this. His ex is the main reason that we aren't married. We've been engaged since 2008 and I refuse to marry him until he gets his ex under control. I guess a lawyer would help with that. I just feel like I'm having to go without (again) after working literally EVERYDAY to make a living, but I have to come up with money for him to "stick it to his ex"!!! I'm sick of the games. She pulls this crap every 2 years and now that she has another kid and not support coming in for that one, that she feels like it's my FDH job to make sure that her WHOLE FAMILY gets taken care of! It's funny too, because she said in the court papers that she didn't want me around when they boys are over!!! But, I was good enough to watch her other spawn last easter when she was going through her divorce and had no one else to watch the kid (she asked infront of the boys or I would have said HELL NO!).
Begin as you mean to go on.
Begin as you mean to go on. If you start this now with him you set precedence and it will never end. You will become his back up bank.
Because he will always have problems that will require money to fix them, you have to choose if you want to support him in that manner. I personally, would NOT.
You didn't make them, you don't have to pay for them.
The only obligation you have in this entire step situation is to pat his hand and say 'there, there'.
This is a look into your future...
We've been together for the
We've been together for the past 9 years! I don't know how I've lasted this long! lol. I've made it clear since the beginning that I will NOT pay that golden uterus ONE CENT! The reason he's asking me now is because he's never gotten a lawyer in the past and has gotten railroaded because of it. Now, he's had enough and wants to get a lawyer because he thinks that it will be cheaper for US (his words) in the long run. I can see his point as it may be less money leaving our household, but I don't feel like I need to contribute to any of it. I have always stayed out of their business in the past, as I've felt that it's their mess to deal with, not mine. I just have this guilt but really find some nerve of him assuming that I'm going to help pay for a lawyer. I'm so confused right now :? I wish his ex would just move far far away and never come back.
Lol, I've heard that one
Lol, I've heard that one before... US. There is no US in this particular situation. Not unless you gave birth and didn't know it.
Nope, if he feels that he's getting screwed, then it's up to him to take care of it. AND not by asking you for money! He has access to a computer, let him do his homework - for himself.
If you pay now, you'll be paying forever.
You didn't make 'em, you don't have to pay for 'em.
If you're not willing to help
If you're not willing to help in financially, that's one thing. I don't think you should be expected to.
However, if he's committed to getting a lawyer, he will likely do that however he needs to. Our BM took out a personal loan for her attorney when her and DH first divorced. She racked up an easy $5K in debt in less than 6 months, just with the attorney. So while you're not paying it, when your DH is carrying excessive debt, it will impact future decisions you'll make as a married couple (purchasing a home, etc).
I think you need to be very clear about what you want in the relationship, and what you're willing to tolerate as far as the skids go. You need to be prepared to take on those kids full time at any given point in time .. there is a chance it WILL happen. What if BM died tomorrow? If it's not what you want or what you can even tolerate, leave now and find a man with no kids.