advice
I am married to my wonderful husband for almost 3 years now. In the past two years we have gained custody of his twins. They were took from their mother for neglecct and drug usage. In the past two years it has definatley been on long ride. Their mom goes from one extream to another. I have accepted the twins as my own. There is nothing that I wouldnt do for them. Evert time their mom has visits or phone calls with them she maulipates them into everything. Saying that I dont love them and that their father is the reason that they dont live with their mom. She refuses to take responsibility for her own actions. Aftter any contact with their mom they have bad behavior problems, which I am a stay at home mom so I always get the brunt of it. She has said that she will do whatever is necessary to make sure we never have the kids. They are with us and they are in a loving home with so much support. I get so fustrated that I feel like I nobody understads how I feel. I see their struggle everyday and I get so mad cause their mom is always hurting them. I just wantt them to be happy anad live a semi normal life. How do I need to handel this suation? help please.
How old are they? Is Dad
How old are they? Is Dad helping out here in talking to them? All I can suggest; never say anything bad about their Mom. Just keep up good parenting; even if you have to get some professional advice on a few things, as it goes along. Document any serious incidents and stay on top of the legal end of your custody; just don't involve the twins in these discussions or legal situations, if possible keep all the negativity out of your parenting. Maybe give us a bit more information on age, etc. Sounds like you are doing ok. Good Luck!
The twins are 6 years old. I
The twins are 6 years old. I never not once say anything bad about their mom. I dont believe in that. There dad is there to help. He talks to them and tries to explain things best he can without trying to hurt them. their mom always involves them in drama , which I totally dont agree with.
I know they need to make
I know they need to make their own decision about their mom. I hate that she manipulates them. I feel like it keeps them confused. This is so important to me. I love them so much.
The only way to deal with
The only way to deal with this effectively IMHO is to confront BM and her bullshit, share the facts about their mom with the twins in an age apporopriate manner, and let them know the truth about her.
Everything, no matter what it is. As they get older, share more of the information. They will need the facts in order to be able to protect themselves from the toxic crap their mother puts on them.
It worked for us in countering the influence of my SS's toxic SpermClan.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
^^YES^^ When I finally said
^^YES^^
When I finally said to my kids, "What your dad is doing is not right, and it is not okay..." they were SO relieved. Silence in kids' eyes means you condone the mind games the other parent is playing. Being honest at age appropriate times is SO important and less confusing for kids. My kids were very confused and hurt by how their father treated them, he is off/on so often their heads were spinning. It doesn't fix everything, but it helps them to match up that what didn't feel right ISN'T right and not just a figment of their imagination.