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williams19's picture

Submitted by williams19 on Sun, 01/04/2015 - 10:14pm

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MY boyfriend has two girls, one two and the other four.The four year old isn't his, but the two year old is.His kid's are around 24/7,its annoying. The mom doesn't work or even go to school, or do anything. I feel like he lets here take advantage of him and I don't know why.EVERYDAY their AT his house,I don't even go over there anymore.Its always "daddy,daddy" every minute and their bad as hell. The mom is all on facebook posting pictures at the beach but he's watchnq the kids like a dumbass. My boyfriends mother even had the nerve to drop them off at my house because my boyfriend was over. I just wish he would push more of the responsibility on her and he wont. She wont even watch her own child. He says im wrong answer the kid's never did anything to me But, its just how I feel?

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 01/04/2015 - 11:17pm

It is normal to want to develop a relationship with your boyfriend away from him being a dad and away from the kids, after all you want a lover/partner not a parent. It sounds like he is unwilling to put in the effort you want to see to nurture your relationship and his priorities right now lie with his kids. If he wants to spend all his time with his children that is his choice and perhaps he feels he is a better influence around the kids than their mother so is unwilling to force her to have the kids when she doesn't want them. From what you have written it seems that you two are at different stages and have different expectations from your relationship. Unless you two can move those expectations closer together then it isn't likely to be a fulfilling relationship for either of you.

Stormyweather's picture

Submitted by Stormyweather on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 2:29am

I have to ask then, what is it about the relationship that keeps you invested? That is...whats in it for you?

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 2:59am

As you had this very same complaint six months ago and nothing has changed, why do you keep hoping it will. The guy is telling you who he is, listen to him. He's a father who wants to be involved with his child and he intends to allow the BM to slip off all BM pleases.

No, the one child is not biologically his, but he obviously loves the little girl anyway. You mention in your previous post how the BM dumps the girls on him for months at a time. This doesn't bother him, he welcomes it and is happy having the girls. You aren't married. You don't live together and he just isn't into having the type of relationship with you right now that you want.

You've been his GF for a year and he has made not moves to alter that BF/GF arrangement. He likes having you around but you're not the priority in his life that you'd like to be. I have trouble understanding why you are staying in a BF/GF relationship with a guy and waiting your time with a guy who has made it clear to you that this right here, right now, this way is the life he wants to lead. His children and himself.

Don't you want more out of life for yourself than sitting over in your home alone waiting for some guy to do what you say and 'force the BM to take care of her own kids'? He isn't going to do that. He doesn't want that. You do. Time to review what it is that drew you to this man and why you are still in this relationship. Maybe it's time to call it quits with the guy and start living the life you'd prefer. You're obviously young and have a whole lot of living still ahead of you to live. There is a guy out there somewhere who'd be happy and proud to have you as his GF and would show you the commitment and attention you deserve. Why keep wasting your time being angry about this one and how he chooses to live his life that includes being the father he desires to be? You can't change him. He doesn't want to change. He intends to raise his daughters and be a daily daddy. There's nothing wrong in his choice and there's nothing wrong in you wanting things to a different. You just happened to get with the wrong guy for you.

Cut yourself free. Go live your life and find happiness.

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 7:21am

I got some new running shoes for Christmas- Nike! I can run really fast in them. Get yourself a pair- mine are navy and baby blue, but get whatever color you like!

lash's picture

Submitted by lash on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 7:30am

It gets WORSE, the excuses will be he cant find daycare and (you can watch them your not doing anything)etc...etc..

onthefence2's picture

Submitted by onthefence2 on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 8:58am

Your post is not accurate. Because you say the kids are around 24/7 and then complain that bm doesn't go to school or work... Well if the kids are w/ dad 24/7, that would mean HE isn't doing anything either. Which is it? And unlike the posters above who look at this guy like a Knight in Shining Armor, I don't see it that way. If the kids are "bad as hell" he isn't parenting them, they are simply there because he is more of a push over than bm is. I agree it sounds like everyone involved is too young to be parents at all and I'd get out and get a good job where you will meet a decent guy someday who doesn't already have his own (and someone else's?!) kid to worry about.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 10:06am

He is a full time dad. Get used to it. They don't go away, just because you want them to. You either need to figure out how to work with it. For me, it was the gym or golf or shopping when I couldn't handle it. But, I had my son full time and he was always there, his father is deceased. DH was used to 50/50 with his kids so he had to get used to my kid. For me it was easy, my son came first.

You may not be cut out for this. The mom is always going to be an issue and you need to figure out if you can do that.