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Adopted child verses step child

Tooblessedtobestressed's picture

Submitted by Tooblessedtobes... on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:28pm

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Please let me know if this was ever an issue. I was accused of not being able to love a child that was not mine because of the tension between my stepson and I. Can we agree that adopting a baby in which you are solely responsible for is vastly different than being a step parent? I am not interested in adopting but was "called out" on this in a church setting where that was a topic.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:32pm

I have often wondered this as well. I used to want to adopt some day. But after my experiance with my skids, I have reconcidered. I don't know if it just these particular kids, their specific issues or what, but I fear that I won't bond to an adopted child like I should.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:35pm

There is a huge difference the biggest difference being that there are no bio parents involved who hate their ex more than they love their child and will cause problems.

In a adoption (which I was adopted) both parents want the child - usually in a step case - you love the man and have to accept the child if you want it to work. So whoever called you out has no idea what they are talking about and unless they are in a step and were adopted or adopted situation they need to be quiet. I am both adopted and have a SS and know what I am talking about!!

knucklehead's picture

Submitted by knucklehead on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:40pm

That can be used in the argument of "I don't love him like I would a biokid." Because, of course, adoptees aren't bios.

However, when you adopt, you actually get to parent the child. In a step situation, you're often the "extra" parent who gets to do little actual parenting.

asheeha's picture

Submitted by asheeha on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 2:55pm

it's COMPLETELY different. YOU are the parent! there are some people who cannot love an adopted child like a bio but i think they are more the exception. if you get that child at a young age you are the parent. you LOVE them and are committed to them and they you.

Invisible Woman's picture

Submitted by Invisible Woman on Mon, 04/23/2012 - 10:10pm

Frequently people think that my SS(11) is adopted fom overseas since he looks so different than DH and I and he speaks with an accent thanks to BM who's now living on another continent. I get a lot of unsolicited comments and advice about adoption and how I have to be a replacement mom from people who do know what's going on with his BM. It drives me crazy.

I feel like I'm in a sort of limbo because I'm responsible for him like he was my child but I resent him and can't stand being around him. I don't have a bond or attachment to him like I do my DD and DS. If he was adopted, then I suppose I would. But if he was adopted, then he would want to bond with me, which he doesn't.