21 year old that never stops talking
I've been a step father for five years and met my step son after I was already in love with my wife. We were dating quietly for about nine months before I met him. A very nice kid with a good head on his shoulders. Doesn't drink or get into trouble. Goes to college and works like a responsible young adult. The issues are first I long for more alone time with my wife. He's very needy for a 21 year old. When I come home for work and want to just decompress after a long day, he could literally talk for hours non stop. I've never in my life met someone that talks so much. This is a major personality clash because I'm quiet and mellow and like to just exist without a ton of conversation all the time. He's loud, obnoxious and won't stop talking. I sometimes hide in my own hiuse just to get away from it. I can't tell you how many nights I've been woken up froma Sound sleep because he's so loud in his room. Talking of course. We've told him he's too loud but it's like he's deaf and doesn't realiE it. It's a very frustrating environment at times. I'm an only child and have lived a pretty quiet existence for most of my life. I'm sure some are reading this saying they wish their kids talked to them. I guess it's just so extreme at times i want to scream. I long for the day I'll be alone with my wife. I think what so adds to this anger is he's very arrogant and opinionated. Partly his age but it's in his blood. Again a major clash as I'm total the opposite. Non confrontational.
I'm rambling and all over the place however I should mention we have a good relationship and do a lot together. But he's definitely noticed a change in me over time. How do you bring this up though ?
Of course I feel tremendous guilt and conflict. I'm holding on to a lot of anger. It's unhealthy.
Would love some feedback
Would love some feedback
This is my SS made over!!
This is my SS made over!!
I used to have to hide, hide hide. Everyone did. He NEVER shuts up. And if he happens to think he ran out of something to say, he will just start making things up.
I only had to deal with it for 2 years. I would not marry or live with DH until the kids were older. Then we married and BM, of course, sent SS to live with us. It was a rough 2 years. But it was only his last two years of HS.
Why is your SS still living at home? DH and I agreed, before we married, that all kids could live at home after HS, if, and ONLY if, they were in college full time and worked part time.
He has no motivation to move
He has no motivation to move out. Has it way too good at home. He's really lazy when it comes to doing anything to contribute to household stuff. And he's a slob to boot. He's room is just gross. Which adds to the anger. He'll be home for a good four more years which I'm partially dreading. Once this semester is over he'll be on the exact same shedule as us. More time to try and hide.
My wife is aware of how I
My wife is aware of how I feel. She's never really talked to him about this. He's so blind he actually talks to her while she's half a sleep on the couch. I mean he literally can't stop talking. It's caused issues for my wife and I. There's nights at home I jut can't hide my resentment. I'm totally quiet and moody. It's obvious I'm uoset but he has no idea why. She does but her response is I should contribute and not be rude. Agreed but when I do it literally adds two hours to the conversation.
Yeah. I will talk to her.
Yeah. I will talk to her. She's raised him alone since his father died when he was like nine months old. She's just burned out I think. She's pretty much retired. Lol
I know I know ! Various
I know I know ! Various people have commented on this subject as it's quite exhausting when you're in the wrath lol. It's so frustrating to have to listen to things I have no interest in yet when I ask him to to a simple task and he forgets all the time, it really annoys me. I understand the selfish tendencies of an only child. He's definitely that guy.
There is absolutely nothing
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting some quiet time after work. Your wife should mention to him something like, "I like to give DH some space after he comes home. You will find out soon, Son, that after a long day at the office, all you want to do is enjoy some peace and quiet. . .. and a beer."
Amen. Thank you so much for
Amen. Thank you so much for taking a few minutes of your day to offer words of encouragement.
There's nothing wrong with
There's nothing wrong with YOU telling him what you need, too. You can be polite about it. "I really need some quiet space for a bit. Could you read quietly, or find something to do?" And then when he starts talking again in 30 seconds (which he will do), remind him that you asked for quiet. It will take patience and consistency on your part, but eventually he should get it. WIll also help him see that he is not the center of the universe every second of the day.
My DH is a talker. Drives me crazy sometimes. I just tell him what I need. Sure, it's easier with a spouse who wants to please. But I think relying on your wife to handle this, when she has already demonstrated that she can't/won't, means nothing will change.
I knew you're right. It's
I knew you're right. It's very hard for me to do this. To actually say can you stop talking. You would think common sense could prevail. Nope.
Prepare what you want to say
Prepare what you want to say and how you're going to say it. Yes, it is hard. But you need this for your own sanity. And you are likely doing the young man a favor too. Surely he talks nonstop with others too and will need to learn to be quiet sooner or later. As an employer, I've had to take on the role of parent for some young hires. It is never pleasant for any of us. "My MOM doesn't think I need to do xyz." "I'm not your Mom." Seriously. But I digress.
Write yourself a script. Practice saying the words. Identify the circumstance under which your script will come to life. It sounds ridiculous, but it can work.
This is not a question of
This is not a question of parenting. This is psychological. Some need or lack of something is forcing him to act in this manner. He may require constant attention due to low self esteem. Others have this fear of silence when it comes to conversations. All of us have it to some degree. Just ask a work colleague to try an experiment and both stand looking at each other without saying a word. Some, maybe you, just can't do it for varying amounts of time. Then they have to say something.
I would get some information off the Internet, print it and give it to your wife. Tell her that until he gets the counseling he needs or whatever is suggested in the Internet, tell her that you're going to simply tell him to "Be quiet" when it gets obnoxious. Then do so. Repeat "Be quiet" until he gets angry enough to walk away.
He needs professional help. Nothing you or your wife can do to arrest this compulsion and the most you can hope to do is cut his vomiting of words by perhaps half at which time he'll angrily leave. I can't predict what effect this will have on your relationship but it doesn't sound like Mama's going to have the courage to bounce him in the near future. Try using the results of a search I made on-line. Link below.
http://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=chr-greentree_ie&ei=utf-8&ilc=12&type=...
He has made comments in the
He has made comments in the past that he feels weird when there's silence. Like he should talk. I believe this was targeted to certain people he didn't really know in his defense.
Last night I was in the
Last night I was in the middle of. Conversation with my wife. He interjects on something that totally changes the subject to what he wants to discuss. Hijacking. I'm having a long talk with him about boundaries. What I need and how I feel it's inappropriate at times.
* Interjects then changes the
* Interjects then changes the subject