16 years old stepson is making my life misery
I have been with my partner for seven years, at the time his son was 9 and lived with his mother. Came to see his father every wednesday, and then again on weekend. Child rejected me straight away, didn't give me second thought, and imagine my reaction, to the fact, that my partner decided his son will move in with us without ever discussing it with me. I swallowed bitter feeling and looked forward to try and make it work, but the problems began when i tried to set up boundaries around the house, as my partner believes that he should make money and i have to stay at home to look after house and his child. Everytime I tried to talk to him about how unpleasant his decision made me feel, rows started to escalate, and on many occasions he lost his temper and hurt me physically. Now I believe that children should have boundaries and respect their elders even thought some of us are not biological parents. My SS is doing whatewer, whenewer, howewer he likes and just expect me to do everything for him. He acts as if I am his personal maid, can't even say thank you and I just feel unappreciated all the time.It's like vicious circle; get my clothes ready, clean my bedroom, feed me, give me money, lend me phone, but when I ask him to do something as simple as tidying his bedroom, or take trash out he looks really down on me and gives me attitude. I am tired with argueing with my partner about his behaviour towards me, and it gets me nowhere, at the end of the day I am the bad one, couse I expect from him what he never had to do: respect.SS currently is sixteen years old, and now we have three years old daughter of our own, I begin to think that I should just concentrate on her upbringing, because nothing I say has no impact on my partner or his son, I have to respect their wishes, but when it comes to my feelings, nobody cares.I considered leaving my partner and start new life with my little girl, but I do love them both, just cannot take this bringing down anymore, I am a person and I deserve better then being ashamed of how I am being treated. Ashamed of telling my friends and parents, what I really go through every day, I do not socialise with anyone, couse i have no time as I am expected to do all chores, and it really lets me down.
I wrote this a long time ago
I wrote this a long time ago and I hope this helps with your problem. It may not reflect your exact situation but you'll get the idea:
The situation with my step-kids finally got to the point where I decided that my efforts to raise them was futile.
First I told my wife in private what I was going to do and why.
Then I stopped investing myself, time and money in their upbringing. I realized that by conscious choice I could cease being responsible for them or their actions. Neither would I take credit for how they turned out, good or bad. I simply stopped interfering in their lives. This is not to say if they would start a fire on the living room floor I would not intervene. But if they did not do the laundry as scheduled I ignored it. Nor did I do any of their chores. If the trash overflowed in the kitchen - well tough. Mom dealt with it when she got home.
They could no longer blame me for the consequences of misbehaving just because I saw the misbehavoir. I never told. If they were caught in a infraction it was not my fault. They began to realize that they were responsible for their actions because of what they did not because I caught them.
I would talk to my wife in private if I had issues, but once she made the decision I backed her up 100%.
You will be absolutely amazed at the look on a kids face when s/he realizes you don't care enough to even tell their bio-parent they did something wrong. And you'll be pleased at their future behavoir and attitude towards you.
I stayed friendly enough and taught one how to drive when she was old enough. I took my spouse and SKs camping on occasion when my kids weren't around. I offered the s-kids advise on living in our world and made the obvious comments when it came to safety and such. But I never made it a judgement. May favorite comment was "Do what you think is in your best interest". It sums it all up. What you sow is what you reap.
Once the kids realized I was no longer the ogre they thought I was their attitude changed. I was not their friend, but neither was I the enemy. They came to realize that I had not done those things to irritate them. They in fact missed the things that they had come to depend on me doing. Permission to go to the mall when their Mom was not home? "Sorry, can't do that".
Their mother came to realize that I wasn't over-reacting to their actions. In fact I wasn't reacting at all. She came to understand that she would have to control the situation and she did.
With that things got much easier around the house.
Billions of kids grew up in the world without help from me and turned out just fine.
The first reply hit it right
The first reply hit it right on the nose. Significant other is hugely to blame vs Stepson but YOU must stop it. (LetDown2007 name reminds me of what I should acknowledge vs. Lucky 7-7-7. I got married and its been square peg in round hole ever since similar to what you wrote). I am unable to change them (DH or Swins) but able to change myself, make my day brighter.
If you can't leave for your
If you can't leave for your own safety, think of your little girl. I don't know how old she is or if he is ever abusive to her but even if he never touches her, she will have to go through the torment of seeing her mom be treated like total crap by the man who is supposed to love and protect his family.
Worse case scenario, she will eventually end up with a man just like mom did.
LEAVE