I do know how you feel and am feeling it right now as a matter of fact.
and believe me I definitely dont want my ex back but like you I feel that it was more real..they were our kids and we knew the score, now it is my kids -his kids (with FH)and rarely do we meet in the middle. I understand, do I have advice ummm no, except I try to remember how much I care for FH.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

Being a SM for a very long time....I have learned not to focus on them at all. Instead I focus on friends, family, work, adventuring out to see and do new things and doing things that promote good in my life. On the days that I feel really sad about it all is when I know I need to get my boat out of the harbor and see what else life has to offer!

I feel really lonely,misunderstood and empty. The only way to keep fixing that there has to be an very open line of communication between you and DH. DH simply HAS to be on your team. If he isn't then it is doomed. I don't recommend shutting other people out (unless they're bad for your family) but you sort of have to develop armor around your blended family to keep the poison out. Obviously easier said than done...but it takes TIME. You didn't fall in love with this man overnight so you can't fall in love with the life you've created with him overnight either.

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.”

not him, just what we had). For starters, we all had the same last name. But now, my kids have my ex-husband's last name, DH's kids have his last name, and I'm stuck with both EH & DH's last names. Scott-Spencer. Yeah, my name has to be hyphenated so that I can please both kids and DH.

Secondly, I miss not having two 'real' parents for my children. I mean my DH and I have ended up fighting over discipline and such so much that we have disengaged from each other's children. I am very strict I know this. I was raised in an overly strict household, I'm not that strict but I do appreciate having rules, chores, discipline and incentives. Where DH is a disneyland / guilt dad and wants to be buddy-buddy with skids but then wants to be able to discipline my children... uh-uh not happening. Also because we are disengaged, I have no one to share stuff with. For example: if one of mine does something really awesome at school, I want to be able to come home and tell DH and him genuinly be impressed and praise my child. But, it doesn't work that way. So, instead I call grandma or EH's mom to tell them so that they can give kids recognition.

And, lastly, with step-parenting you always do feel like "the other family / the second family". Because IMHO, first family ALWAYS comes first. If there was a tornado, he would run over to make sure first family okay before coming back home to make sure me and kids were okay. Of course, his excuse for that is, that he knows I can take care of myself and kids because I was a very successful person even as a single mom when I met him. I know how to handle doing things on my own and EW... well, she is utterly and completely dependent on men in general and specifically DH.

Advice...? I unfortunately I do not have any... but after 5 years.. I've learned... DISENGAGE. Those children have two parents... a mother (BM) and a father (DH). Unfortunately, as long as both are involved... as a (SM) we don't need to be, we just get in the way and cause agony for ourselves. And expecially if you have your own children, if you disengage, you will spend less time fighting over Skids and more time focusing on being a parent for your own children. That is what I've learned to do anyway. It also forces my DH to be a dad and spend time with his kids, this way he and BM cannot pawn them on me, because kids and I are usually already busy and have plans.