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First Blog Ever

gremy725's picture

Submitted by gremy725 on Fri, 05/29/2009 - 2:59pm

Hello. This is my first blog. I'm thrilled to have found a place to write that makes me feel less alone. There is a wonderful weekend ahead - no kids!! Except on Sunday, as we have tickets to a baseball game that we purchased before BM changed weekends. Anyway, not looking forward to seeing the kids. Last time we were together they completely blasted us telling us we were so mean and awful because we have rules. Just to be clear, our rules when they are in our house consist of using a plate when you eat, washing that plate when you are done, eating in the kitchen/dining room and cleaning your stuff off the bathroom counter when you are finished with it. But apparently these make us the meanest people in the world. I can only imagine what their mother's house looks like if the don't have to use plates or eat in the kitchen!!! The conversation turned from there and got worse. They told me that the reason they treated me so horribly on Mother's Day (their mom was away for a week so they were with us) was because I do nothing for them that a mother does that I am nothing to them but a maid and have never made an effort in the last 5 years. Silly me, I thought that things were going quite well with us as a family unit. I have learned never to make that mistake again. They have broken pieces of my heart. Let me tell you I have put in plenty of effort in the last five years. I cook for them, take them places, try to talk to them, make holidays nice, try to teach them, try to love them. Apparently all for nought. It makes it very hard to keep on trying.

Comments

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Fri, 05/29/2009 - 3:11pm

Kids are selfish, everything is about them. They will feel bad and appreciate you more when they grow up. I look back & can't believe some of the things I did & said to my parents, both bio & step. They were obviously trying to get a reaction out of you & make you mad. I assume they can't always be like that if you thought things were going relatively well, right?

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

mrsparks's picture

Submitted by mrsparks on Fri, 05/29/2009 - 3:16pm

DH tried to text BM to tell her we are dropping SS off after work, we have had him for a week! She didn't answer so I told him to call her.. Guess what....??? Her phone is OFF! This subscriber cannot recieve incoming calls blah blah blah..

So I guess we're keeping him until he hears from her, which will be never, she doesn't have a home phone either..

*pout*

DH did say SS can stay at his grandmas.. I think that's a very good idea.. I'm spent and desperately need some alone time with my hubby!

gremy725's picture

Submitted by gremy725 on Fri, 05/29/2009 - 3:33pm

The oldest, 17, has never been nice to me. The middle, 14, and I got along well for a while but has since fallen prey to the influence of her older sister. I thought that the youngest, 12, and I were getting along great. She was having entire conversations with me and actually starting them!! We all have been living under the same roof (every other weekend) for 5 years and I would say that 95% of it has been bad. I would love to think that when they are older they will realize many things but it sure seems a long way off!!

melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Fri, 05/29/2009 - 3:56pm

ahh...they are teenagers...that explains everything! Hang in there!

"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"

Sunflower's picture

Submitted by Sunflower on Sat, 05/30/2009 - 9:24am

First off Welcome to ST!! Smile
Wow these skids are flat out rude!Has your DH been told about this? I think he should speak to his kids about respect. There is no rule out there that says that skids have to like us or we them but there has to be respect! I would hold off on doing alot of the nice things that you do with them for a while.Sometimes kids need to go without to understand what they have been getting all along. I would also have a chat with the skids myself about the whole respect issue.Tell them that if they dont like you fine. That is their choice but you should refuse to be disrespected or go out of your way to help them. Unfortunatley they are older and may be set in their ways but that doesn't mean that they get to treat you like crap!

It is better to be the hammer than the anvil.
Emily Dickinson

gremy725's picture

Submitted by gremy725 on Sat, 05/30/2009 - 3:12pm

Thanks for the welcome!! DH was there for this conversation and his take is that it is wonderful that they opened up to us. I don't see it as opening up. I see it more as they came at us with a sledgehammer to hurt us. DH has come a long way in the last year and understands why I am so hurt(sort of) which is more than I would have gotten last year. I must acknowledge that and give hime his kudos. However, last night he told me that my reaction, which is basically what you recommended above (stop doing what I've been doing), only hurts him more. I am finding that I don't want to even look at the kids, let alone do anything for them, but I don't want to hurt DH. There must be a balance here somewhere. If I keep doing nice stuff for them it feels like a complete sell out of all my feelings. Ugh.