I know it's a pain, but trust me, judges look at it!! My dh has been keeping track of EVERYTHING!! He got to use it in court last time he went!!!

"We do not want full custody, because even though I feel she is lacking on the parenting skills, she is his mother"....I used to feel the same way, but as more and more came out (and I kept a HUGE diary)...we had to have full custody....do yur skids a favor.....use all that documentation and get them away from her....my sd9 got a massive UTI from wearing dirty underwear all the time and this POS tried to say she got her period....u have no idea what some of these women r capable of....I never wanted to take kids from their Mom either, until I realized if they stayed with her, they were doomed.......oh...and my Judge was shocked by my documentation...so trust me....it DOES work!!!

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

to document any good as well so it does not look like you trying to make her out to be the bad one. Also any bad instances with ya'll such as H losing temper with BM or whatever. We call it documenting the good the bad and the ugly. We are trying for 50/50 with SS and I felt same as you about she is not abusing so no need to totally remove but now I feel is SS stays with her he will be living off our tax dollars via jail. I keep a VERY detailed journal of everyday regardless if we have contact or not. I not good and bad from both parties. It is so time consuming and I sure hope it pays off when we go to court.

Be careful that what you are documenting is legitimately concerning complaints and not just nit-picky stuff though...because I have seen a judge look through the documentation and tell the "nit-picker" to get a life of her own and stop it. It got her nowhere because it looked as though she did nothing all day but write down stupid crap about her ex. Some of it WAS legit, but the judge glossed over that because there was so much stupid garbage to weed through.

We document everything and when needed pull out the stuff we nee

Documentation makes a HUGE difference! We always documented EVERYTHING when we had EOW visitation and it made all the difference in the judge's decision to give us custody. We kept track of EVERYTHING- withheld visits, the poor conditions the skids were in, emails from the school telling DH about skids not having anything to eat, medical records, extracurricular records, phone calls- you name it, we documented it.

I agree with LotusFlower in that I can understand and relate to where you are coming from, because I initially did not want my skids living with me either, but as time wore on it became clear that our going for custody would be in the best interests of the kids. I did not WANT to take them away from their mother but if they continued to live with her, their spiral downward would only become faster. I hope you'll consider having your H do this for the sake of the kids.

just need the love and support of a good woman to go for custody of their kids......oh and a good kick in the ass every once in a while helps too.....LOL......in my case DH is a great Dad....he just needed a little guidance and the feeling that he wasn't going it alone to get him to do what he knew he needed to do....I think some dads may be a little scared to take on full custody of their kids on their own, so they put up with the BM's bs.....

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

Since we are on this topic of documentation! I understand documenting everything is important...phone calls included! But when you document what's said during phone calls are you talking about what is said parent to parent type of thing or parent to child type of thing? I am asking this because documenting phone calls is not something we do if it involves parent to child simply because my husband thinks it's an interference with the parent/child privacy aspect and my husband tries to follow the parental guidelines for our state which says a parent can't interfere with the other parent/child privacy amongst them!

I can't stress how important documentation is. However in an court of law, the things that it should be are "facts" and you should stick to things that put the childs best interest in jepordy. However, things like he said she said about me stuff - isn't really things the judge is looking to hear. Unless it is abusively attacking your character or purpose.

Documentation was one of the biggest things that won our case. We documented everything that had to do with her. What she said, when she said it, how she said it. If she was involved in any way, we documented it. We even documented what she said about us, or mainly DH, because PAS was a big issue. The judge told us that had we not documented everything is such detail, he would have had a hard time proving PAS. She documented nothing and had excuses for every documentation we had, but the judge told her excuses will not win her case. Her attorney (who was quite expensive) couldn't even help her. We went in pro se. We won, thanks to all that documentation!

~IT WAS WORTH IT WHEN I BEGAN~

in a date book. I need to keep better track of it, but I do my best. I'll note new places she lives, new vehicles (she goes through a lot of both), times when she doesn't pick them up/ drop off on time, weekends when she dumps the kids off at friend's houses the whole weekend, I try to write down anything off the wall SD's say about her house or something she has done/said. DH keeps all her crazy emails. I keep receipts for all their clothes I buy and any activities/daycare we paid for.

Luckily she tried to get a restraining order on me and admitted on court record she put the kids in danger by having too many people in her car, and not enough seat belts (which is what started our "fight" - more like me begging her to let us drive some of the kids home).

Write write write! It all matters! It's called CYA (cover your ass!)

would help you in court. My DH has been documenting things with BM since before I came in the picture. NOW - since DH has gotten married to me - SHE (BM) has gone seriously nuts. She filed a motion with the court on Jan 4 - stating we abuse sd, leave her in unknown locations, dh extended family abuses sd, we constantly change the court order to suit us, she has lied about cheerleading and dance to take away weekend visits, sent emails with wrong medication dosing, accused us of misusing the medications, sent 8 meds in one weekend - only 2 were needed, enrolled her in counseling stating we tried to kill her in her sleep, we abuse her, she has terrible nightmares and that I hit sd.... all lies, not to mention she is attempting to take all visitation away and wants more child support and her attorney's fees paid.

We were scheduled to go to court on 6 May.... but it was pushed back to 14 July. Of course we filed a counter motion - requesting the judge follow the counselor's recommendation which was to allow the child more time with the father, and that the mother verbalized to her she only put her in counseling so that she would not have to drive to meet him for visits. The funny thing is her and her lawyer also are asking the judge to following the counselor's recommendation (i don't think they have read it yet)

But i said all of that to say this........ My Husband has 6 years of documented things on BM... These things range from:

- Nasty letters she wrote and signed beginning in 2003
- Letter where she signed telling DH not to bath SD for a week in 2003
- Letter where she told him the wrong medication dosage 2004
- Letter dated the same day he was given joint custody - banning him and his family from the daycare 2004
- False protective order day he was given joint custody - stating he tried to kill her the night before court. It was dropped - he had a receipt of check in at the hotel showing same time she said he tried to kill her - and a letter stating the toilet had to be fixed when he and his mother checked in the hotel - It was dropped.
- Letter banning him from participating in any events at the daycare 2004
-Documentation where she committed welfare fraud - stating she received on child support - which she had to pay back - she put that one in the baby's bag - i think by mistake. But we have it. 2004
- Email from a man she was dating that was married where the man's wife threatended to kick her ass. She kept seeing the man. We will use that as evidence that she is not conscience her actions can drastically affect her daughter 2004
- Emails telling DH she expects all of the child support on the 1st of every month or she is not picking up the phone until she gets it. 2005
- Letter stating she was not going to have the correction in the court order made so that she would not have to drive to VA to pick sd up - 2006
- Emails in 2007 stating her child support records should be based on her net income and not her gross. DH support should be based on his gross. Stating he does not pay anything on time - and that she should not have to come out of pocket to pay her bills since she had a child with him
- Emails in 2007 that no one should be around her daughter during visitation but him and that he was to pay her for the cruise she wanted to take daughter on
- 2007 - DH found out the 150 he was paying her for health insurance was not half - it was double the correct amount. He also found out from BCBS that the prescriptions were not as expensive as well.
- 2008 - Email stating myself and my daughter were not to be around SD at any time.
- 2008 (June) email accusing my 12 (at the time) year old of abusing sd
- 2008 constant emails and lies about events to change weekends - and then recanting after being caught
- 2008 - medication issues againg - her emails on dosage and which meds was wrong - doctor note to use gave correct information
- 2008 - started visitation medication log - showing how all the medications do not come with her on visits. Also got notes from school and doctor that meds were not sent to school either.
- 2008 - Counselor notes from when BM signed the intake form stating we abuse sd, we tried to kill her in her sleep, we lie to her, she hides clothes to keep from coming, cant sleep becuase of nightmares because of us - before and after visits, that i hit her and my daughter also abuses her. Also on that form she wrote the family history that causes this is child support and custody.
-2009 - Emails stating on various weekends how dance and cheerleading override visitation. That DH is to pay more money or else
- ETC...... a bunch of other things in a misc file. Letters where her and her lawyer acknowledge mistakes in the court order but will follow them until it is changed (even after we sent them the court transcripts noting the changes to be made.)

We even made a couple of binders for the lawyer and DH to speak from in court. When our lawyer got this stuff in chronological order he was very surprised. No one believe when we tell them what is going on. But all of the stuff she handsigned and emails sent from her that we kept dated - proves it all.

The lawyer asked if she knew or her lawyer knew about the documentations - we said no - he has never mentioned it to her. He told us - he can not make any promises - BUT that documentation - probably took DH's odds of winning custody to 85%. She has no clue what is coming for her come July.