it's finally been decided
We will no longer be communicang anything to BM. i was always very nice and polite and told her when the kids had school stuff, their grades, pictures, licenses, pretty much anything I would want to know about my kid as a mom. Well, we let her know we had already made plans for afetr his graduation on June 4th (thursday) with our side of the family. She threw the biggest hissy fit ever and started trying to argue in my house in fromt of my son-her kids were alreadyin the car outside. I said I didn't want to argue and she said neither did she. i told her if she didn't want to argue, she should probably leave now and go spend time with her kids. Ooops-she didn't like that. She decided that for all of the family to see SS17 at graduation we all had to meet somewhere or split the night. Well I'm not meeting with her crazies anywhere, but I told her they were all welcome to come to my house (no way) since I already had food and stuff for it. So she said we should just split the night in a big huff as she threw up her arms and ran out of my house. Cool, I will take the kids for an hour after graduation and she can have them the rest of the night. All the grandparents will get to see them and life should be good again.
OMG she called my poor DH and chewed on his ear about everything from the last 3 years! I felt so bad for him. We decided we were done dealing with her on any level and she could suck a fat one. The kids got report cards today-I did not text her. The oldest has a meeting for grad this week, I did not tell her. The youngest still has teh rash, but I took him to the MD and he's getting better. Bah blah blah, whatever other crap I was going to tell her-not gonna happen-she can figure it out herself and bitch about it to mid air cause we aren't listening. Ahhhh freedom!
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Sassy
Your BM only goes back 3 years?? Lucky girl! To this day, ours brings up crap from 2001, when she and DH were first married. They were only married for 3 years, but to hear all the crap she's constantly drudging up, you'd think it was more like 30. Pfft...
If you absolutely have to communicate with the BM, I would highly recomend restricting it to email only. Whith nut jobs like your BM (and ours), you're better off having a written record of everything.
I would suggest you and your DH make your own plans for SS's graduation, enjoy the moment with him. Don't let her and her pettines get in the way of his happy day. After that - tell her to go pound salt.
LN-Pound Salt?
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I'm gonna have to start watchin you closer, girl. You've got some interesting ways of putting things...
Oh, and Sassy-you tried. She did not. Her loss.
BW
Stick with me kid, I've got lots!
There are a few that might not be 'appropriate' for a public forum though... tee hee
:) Funneee!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Could use a few, my skills are not well honed!
Interesting. I thought it
Interesting. I thought it was pound sand.
Salt, sand, tomAto,
Salt, sand, tomAto, tomato...
Depending on what you're pounding it into, salt can really burn!
lol...
Like rubbing salt in a
Like rubbing salt in a wound. Love it!
We stopped communicating with BM
and have NOOOOOOOO regrets.
All she would do is call and start drama over nothing.
When her calls were not returned or anwered she started to come over and start drama. I explained to her she should not be coming over, she was divorced and now H was remarried. That her calls had nothing to do with the kids or any basis in reality and if she came over again I would file police report for harrassment.
She came another time, perhaps to test us and after that no more as the cops went to her house and told her to stop.
She now knows my brother is in law enforcement and she will not be following through on her evil plans to continue to harrass us and the PAS games she plays with the kids.
All in all, I'd say its one of the best things we ever did was stop communicating with her.
BM used to call H too and whine.... H stoppped answering the phone ( she can leave a message) and she eventually stopped calling....
she did not want to leave a message because even she knew she was whining and how stupid she sounded.
We have pretty much never communicated with BioDad....
Now if SpermGrandma would stop calling all would be right in the universe. She does not call to speak with the Skid, she calls to give my wife crap. She uses the travel arrangements as an excuse to call then goes down the "woe is us" path on how they are broke, poor downtrodden and abused by the system.
My wife always redirects her back to reality with a "make your worthless POS son support his own kids, it is not your responsibility to care for his children......"
SpermGrandMa freaks at that point and goes in to how it is all my wife's fault that CS is so high, they never get to see the Skid (THEY get 7wks a year which we always support and have on more than one occasion payed for their travel costs) and how it is not fair that my SS has nice things and the other three out-of-wedlock spawn don't ..... Wah, wah, wah.
When she was younger my wife used to work her tail off to get THEM to realize that she is a good Mom. Finally she realized that they were not interested in reality so my wife quit trying to make them "see the light" and started holding a mirror up in front of them. They really do not like what they see.
The good news is that in 15mos and 10days they can all piss off. We will be out of the visitation business at that time and out of the listening to their whining business also.
I agree that in situations where an adult relationship for the childs best interests is not possible disengagement is the way to go.
Best regards,
Just a question...
Would you consider just communicating with her via email and text message? That way if an emergency happens with one of the skids, you can still let her know but don't have to talk to her?
Are you a custodial stepmom?
Since we carry the insurance we get called if something happens.
that requires a Doc visit.
So, In our case it would not be an issue.
However, if something catastrophic happened while SS was with us, yes we would call.
SS broke his arm after falling off a swing when he was 4. My wife called to let them know. However, we don't call with grades, activities, accomplishments or anythign else that is not medically significant (colds, flu, stitches, etc .... don't count at least from our end).
When he was 3 his BioDad's WombDonor of the month's 5 year old (from a previous) threw him out of a second story window (thank God for bushes) and bit him in the middle of the back (Took some meat). They did not take him to the Doc or call about either incident.
When he got home covered in bush scratches and showed us the bite marks we called and ripped them a new asshole and let them know that if they ever failed to call or take him to the Doc when something happens during visitation that we would own their asses for several generations.
Now they call. They whine and complain, but they call and they take him to the Doc.
So, notification is not a bad thing but we play those cards as we see fit and hold them accountable to our standards.
I know, a double standard. But that is how we play the game.
Best regards,
I am absolutely a custodial
I am absolutely a custodial stepmom-five days a week and almost all summer. We were just communicating by text and e-mail, but even then she got snotty and rude. So after DH's last 2 hour phone conversation with her and all her crying, etc...we are done. If there is an emergency of course I would tell her, but she'd probably not show anyway.
"A parents job is to eat as much sh*t as we have to so that the children do not."
Wish I could do the same
Wish I could do the same things are alot better at our house when we don't have to deal with BM. Unfortunately that wont happen any time soon. I have made some progress with DH in trying to keep all phone communication in text only.DH does need a reminder sometimes though. I am happy for you though the less you have to deal with BM the better life is.
So far so good!!!
Let's see, one of the boys got a bad grade...I didn't call to let her know or to discuss his punishment...she never cares any way and never follows thru-no biggie. I didn't call to let her know about any of the grad stuff for the oldest one-she can figure that out on her own. I didn't call to discuss the grades, and classes for SS16 that I had a meeting with his school counselor about. She doesn't care anyway-so why bother? I also didn't tell her we let SS17 stay home for two days this week because they were testing at school and he would have been in study hall all day. She wouldn't care about that either. I didn't call to let her know that SS16 will be getting his license soon either. Why should I-she can ask him if she wants to know. And today when she e-mailed that she wants to get the kids at 1:30 on Friday instead of 7:30, I did not politely reply by letting her know they'd still be in school. No one will be home and she can figure it out herself, I simply replied "that's fine". And, when I get their pix in the mail and get the graduation invites I ordered, she gets none of them! She can get her own. Not only am I not being polite anymore, I am not even responding unless necessary and I am sharing nothing! Life is good not worrying or givng a crap about her. I devote all my attention to the kids when they are here and ignore everyone when they aren't.
"A parents job is to eat as much sh*t as we have to so that the children do not."
We used to communicate with
We used to communicate with BM by email or when needed to we would call but mostly email. WE stopped because we didn't see her show any interest in anything we said, plus it's her responsibility to ask us or the kids herself how they are doing!I refuse to go back on my word to inform her about anything in regards to the kids. The ONLY way we would inform her of anything is if the kids end up in a hospital (which I hope doesn't happen).
We can only pray
funny this has come up but I to have decided to not answer BM, calls, texts, anything. She has again over stepped her bounds.calling DH ONLY while he is at work (or mostly i guess) They were talking for almost an hour +5 times a day.So I had to crack the whip. Bm of course when she calls DH and leaves a messages he doesn't answer, she texts dh he doesn't text back she has to start texting me... And normally to keep the waters calm I usually text her back for my DH but as of last weekend, not anymore. She texted at least 3 times today. I ignored I am not playing. Now if she would just drop off the face of the
planet I would be a HAPPY CAMPER
As far as the informing she never tells us anything at all. As I was trying to keep her in the loop till I found out she was using everything to keep SD being a little witch to me so I too stopped that she wants her "baby girl" to be a f up then more power to her. I am done trying to help anyone at all.
"You never know what you got, till it's gone"
I got tickets and invitations and I'm not sharing nah nah
I know it is so petty, but she is such a dumptruck cow that I cannot bear to share with her any longer. It is her son who is graduating high school, but no way. I gladly and with a smile would have given her half the tickets and some of the invites I paid for, but no longer, nuh uh, not this time. She can figure it all out on her own and bite me-but not really she might have something
"A parents job is to eat as much sh*t as we have to so that the children do not."
Be careful, Pig Flu may be communicable by biting.
Don't let her teeth near you.
She is after all, apparently, a PIG! No wait, she is a "cow". You are safe. At least from the PIG flu.
Best regards,