Totally understand about feeling like your going crazy! I am glad that there is this site for us to vent on! I think that being a sp is the hardest thing that anyone can do in life. We are pretty much guaranteed to be considered a bad person by anyone from that side of the family. From my experience, it's all about kissing the skids butts whether they will love you or not! If you dare "lose it" on them, believe me you will pay for it later. So, it isn't really worth the small satisfaction you might get from yelling or letting her have it. The "princess" will make you out to be the fire breathing dragon and unless you have video tape proving otherwise, your screwed! (Yes, I do feel that if it were just me and my dh everything would be great.)

I think if we are idealists, we imagine that we are going to come into this family and that our good nature is going to gurantee acceptance. Because, after all, we are generally all good people.

In my case, I didn't really understand that I was getting into a situation that was already dysfunctional. Think about it, if our H's situation with BM's had been functional to begin with, they would still be with those BM's.

Sadly, the BM's and Skids, resent (and possibly hate) you because you are upsetting the semblance of "normality" (insert sarcasm) that they have come to live by.

If your H loves you and supports you, you still have a chance of being happy with him. If he doesn't support you (like mine) leaving is probably the only option.

If he does support you, ask him to speak to his daughter. Ask him to let her know that he loves you and is hurt by how she treats you. Maybe that will help.

One can only hope!

Before I met DH I had a really nice house with a huge whirlpool bath, an audi convertible, and plenty of free time. Now I live in his tiny house with no nice bathtub, drive a used chrysler, have no money and no time. There are those times that I miss the wonderful things I had and feel like I may never see them again. while everyone says DH "traded up" (though BM left him years before), sometimes I wonder if I "traded down." We have a beautiful daughter though, and truthfully, I wouldn't trade that for the world. I am hopeful that once I am back to work after finishing my MBA that I can eventually get those things back that I miss.

T

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Yet here we are. You miss your single life. I miss my single life, also. Desperately want it back. And not because being single was so great-but coming home and knowing I would not be treated disrespectfully in my home was something I took for granted.

Reading posts on here you'll see women who absolutely THRIVE on being SM's, and others, like you and I, who would give so much to have their single lives back.

The difference? I believe it's the husbands (or wives). If the husband, or wife, of the stepparent is loving and supportive, the relationship is stable, and therefore the children are more stable.

I don't think you're really crying over your SD8 and the clothes. You're crying, I think, you're feeling desperate, because your H is not stepping up in this new family like you need him to. Your Easter blog was one example.

Sometimes I look at my (non) relationship with SD17, and wonder just how much of her behaviour is really the norm for 17 y.o.'s, and how much of it is intentional dissing of me. Because H created (yes H did it) an environment between her and myself where a good relationship simply had no chance. With him participating in, encouraging their tag team behaviour, only a saint would not resent them both. And, tho I try to be the best I can, I am no saint.

H's failure to step up, both as a husband and a (responsible)father has created a miserable environment for me, as his wife.

So little things become big-because this little thing adds on to that little thing and on and on and on. Throw a few big things in the mix, and you've broken the camels back (as in mine or yours).

I honestly believe this is why so many marriages of mixed families fail. The lack of appreciation/responsiblity of the birth parent versus what they expect, with no consideration, of the stepparent.

The little condo I had-wonderful neighbors-great girlfriends-neighborhood corn roasts and BBq's....freedom to take holidays with no moping teen hanging around in the basement 24/7-

Quiet evenings in the house and backyard -again no teen interupting for food, permission, loud 24/7 Xboxing-Rockbanding-loafing everywhere-leaving a mess wherever teen goes-watching DH worship, wait on and adore this huge hairy camel like creature (his progeny) with acne and attitude-lazy, unproductive, flying under the radar in all aspects of teen life son.

WHAT WAS I THINKING????

I hear ya non_mom23!!!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

Bewitched: "And not because being single was so great-but coming home and knowing I would not be treated disrespectfully in my home was something I took for granted." you got this so right.

DH seems to think it is my fault that his kids don't love me. If "I" just tried harder they would come around. I tried for years and got no where except hurt.

I know exactly what you mean! I used to be so cool...life was awesome and I was happy...I thought fh was a super great addition to my life. I wasn't living for him, I was living with him. But now he has taken away all my self confidence, got me living in his dirty home with their stinky hockey stuff all over...and then yells at me because I act like it's "not good enough." The thing is I don't hate my home or anyone in it. I wouldn't have moved in if I hadn't wanted to make a good life for ALL of us...him and the skids and me. But I am frustrated beyond frustrated that all of it is "Him-centered". It's all about him, his baggage, his kids, his ex, yadda yadda yadda. I have traveled the world, modeled, and done so much awesome stuff...but now I sit here being berated by a bald middle-aged guy because I don't want him having dinner with his exW. I think, what have I done with my life?!!!
It's ok to cry and you vent to us all you need because we are all pretty much in the same boat. I don't think any of us wants to be miserable or dwell in it...it's just that trying to make these blended families work is way way more effort than it's worth most of the time.

I am 24 and had no children when I met my H. He had two and I thought he was so responsible and wonderful because he had full custody. What was I thinking?! He is a great guy but taking on 2 SK when I was 21?? lol Now we have a daughter and a new baby on the way and I can't even think of leaving for a long long time. I miss my old life so much too. I love my daughter and wouldn't change that but I wish I hadn't started so early and with someone with so much on his own plate. The BM situation only gets worse. *sigh* I won't even start on that. I suggest leaving before it's too late for you. Come on girl give someone like me something to smile about! Good luck.

I miss having peace and quiet and not having to deal with a crazy psycho ex. My FH was living in an apartment and got to move in to a new 4 bedroom house with a pool. His crap is everywhere and my house used to be so neat and clean and stress free, just me, my dogs, going out with friends, dating 2 to 3 guys at a time, etc. and as much as I love my FH I could certainly go w/out the stress of a 16 year old who has raging hormones and a BM that still wants my FH after 16 years and who only wants $$$ all the time!

I totally understand what you are feeling!! I get so angry sometimes because I was smart and didn't have kids out of wedlock! I did everything right. I fell in love with a wonderful man, and now I feel like what did I do to deserve all this BS in my life. The BM and the daughter. And even BM's mom..I did nothing to have to deal with this crap the rest of my life. Its not fair. BM got herself knocked up and BF was stupid enough to sleep with a crazy B like her, and now I PAY for it!!