OT-Meet my parents-and what marriage should be like
You've all prayed for my Mom. So I'd like to introduce you to her.
She is 75 years old, with only a few gray hairs!
Mom has always been a nervous type of woman, maybe a little OCD, certainly a little paranoid, but also very in love, very dependent on my Dad. Her dad was killed by a drunk driver when she was nine. In those days, there wasn't liability insurance, so she grew up very very poor. And very very beautiful. She loved her mother deeply, and took great care of her in her last years.
My Dad is 79. Had a major stroke 5 years ago, which of course devastated him. He was the captain of his ship, for sure. Grew up poor also. But thru hard work, built with his own two hands, a good life. He had a Ford dealership, bought it after working there as a salesman for 20 years. He also bought Mom and Dads house. He bought a home for my Grandma (his MIL). He bought the home I now live in. When he came back here from serving in the Marines, he had a new wife, a new baby and $20.00 in his pocket. Yet he built all this. Without inheriting a dime. And he loves my mother.
Their marriage? Good. Never once did either one of them go behind the others back about raising us girls. Not one time. They presented a united front. They discussed all decisions. They shared in their financial choices. Dad adores Mom to this day. She is his "Princess". We (my sisters and I) are and were, the kids. Again, Mom was the Princess. And Dad was her Knight. He took care of her, she took care of him.
Why is it so impossible for so many of our H's, BF's, to see what they are doing-by making the children (seems mostly prevalent with daughters, tho there are a couple of SS's on here that also receive the princess status) into basically God's or Goddess', these men are ruining marriages, and building a whole truck load of resentment in we wives.
When the time comes that I have to explain to my parents why I am divorcing H, I think I know exactly what my father will think of him. And what he will say. And I as so ashamed to have brought this "man" -H-into my family. We are honorable. We have integrity. And I have brought a con man into our midst.
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Comments
Bewitched
It's not your fault. You were conned by a con man. That's what they do best. You had no way of knowing all the stuff your H hid from you, and unless you hire a private eye to dig into his background, you kinda have to trust that they're honest with you. Sounds like he gave you no reason to doubt him, so he played you, not the other way around.
Your parents sound terrific. Too bad more people can't or won't make their own way in life just like your dad did...with $20 bucks in his pocket. Nope, today's generation wants everything handed to them without actually sweating for it. Kids laugh about getting a job at McDonalds...they think they should come out of school and land a job as a top exec or CEO of a Fortune 500 company. No one has any gumption anymore. I used to listen to my grandparents (they're both in their 90's) talk about how tough life was during the depression. Kids today would never survive. I betcha half wouldn't even know how to do simple arithmetic without using a calculator. It's a sorry bunch that's gonna be taking care of us when we're old.
We need more people like your parents and my grandparents in the world today. God bless them both!
BW
This is such a touching love story. It is not your fault. How could you have known without doing a background check on DH? You fell in love and trusted your heart. HE on the other hand will have to live with and answer to the deceit. Know that you will be a better person when you get on the other side of this nightmare. In the meantime know that we are here for you and we wish you all the best.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
Thanks Sasha. It's the only up side I see to the current economy
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
These pampered, entitled kids (and I don't mean just stepkids here-there seems to be a whole generation of Me! Me! Me! out there) will suddenly find mamma and dada can't continue to supply their every whim, because - the very house they live in is going to foreclosure!
Not that I would want to see anyone lose their home. But, when your 17 yr. old has to be provided with a new car-not just a car, but a new car, and needs a new expensive electronic every other month, it's hard to pay the mortgage.
Maybe America will grow up!
BW
So true. I watched my neighbors who were really sweet people lose their home to foolishness. They bought the house for $169 long before we came in and a lot less than what we paid. They were too busy indulging their 4 kids (3 girls and 1 boy) with cell phones and sports stuff. They had the basketball goals, trampolines, above ground pool and were what I called the "local YMCA" only they never closed. The kids, youngest being 9, would be out all times of the night WITH friends screaming and playing as though it were noonday. All three girls were involved in Cheerleading at the local park. They also were involved in Competition Cheerleading. They also had to have the tumbling experience so they paid for gym days. Mom and Dad started up the local tackle football program and were well known in our neighborhood.
Funny story about the idiot dad who didn't like women or maybe it was just me. We were new and I was in the backyard doing something and he was out back watering his grass. So me being the polite person that I am said hello how are you today? He kinda grunted and said "Ello." OH he's not that friendly I see. He then says to me how many kids do you have? I said 2 girls and a boy and tell the ages. Just so happens they have 3 girls and 1 boy and surprisingly our kids are the same ages (my oldest was a year older than their oldest, their middle 2 were the same as my middle and their son was the same as my son). He then went into redneck bragging mode (no offense just really the attitude that he gave me) and proceeds to tell me that he is coach for the "Gators" and that he has been the "Head Coach for 7 years." WOW. I'm impressed. Now to give a little background. I'm that chick that knows absolutely positively NOTHING about football. LOL. I cheered for four years of HS and had NO clue. Don't ask how I followed the crowds cue. Teeheehee. So anyways I was sooooo impressed. So DH and I are talking a few days later and I say Honey, did you know that So-and-so is the Head Coach of the Gators football team!? He's some big shot. I wonder how he is able to work up there and live down here??? DH looked at me and laughed the most gut wrenching laugh and said "He's the coach of the "Name of City Gators" team! HAHAHAHAHAHA. I though he was talking about the college team the FLORIDA GATORS. I was befuddled as to we live 4.5 hours away from the school and couldn't understand how he was making it to practice and being home. That's my funny story. But I digress.
Anyways they ended up losing their home because they were too busy affording the kids with the cheerleading, competitions, gym, and all of the other extra curricular activities and were not paying their mortgage. Mind you they lost the home during the peak of the housing market and the home was valued in the high $300s. After a year of laying empty and a refurb job from the bank I have new neighbors to the tune of $216. They stepped into this house with more than $100k in equity. It pissed me off with my old neighbors that they sacrificed their livelihood for nothing. None of the kids are good in school. The oldest graduated went off to community college for 1 semester and came home because it was "too much." The others are focused on being popular. What values are those to instill in the kids. Mommy and Daddy will give up the roof over their heads so that you can flip and tumble and be able to say that you peaked in High School. No one wants the kid who's heyday was High School.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P