Why are some parents scared to discipline?

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I have three grown sons and my fiancé has one child. He is an amazing man, treats me wonderfully and is a respected leader at work but when it comes to his son he acts like a child. They have a parent /child relationship and my fiancé is the child. His son is now 18 and in grade 12. He has never had a curfew, never learned how to cook, never had any chores to do and has high expectations that what he wants he will get. I've explained to my fiancé that our job as parents is to raise our kids to be adults and how if his son goes out on his own in the next year and doesn't have a clue on how to budget, work ethic or cook for himself etc. then the world is going to teach him the hard way. The only disagreement we ever have is concerning his son which is a huge reason of why we haven't got married yet. I've explained to my fiancé that our job as parents is to raise our kids to be adults and how if his son goes out on his own in the next year and doesn't have a clue on how to budget or cook for himself etc. then the world is going to teach him the hard way. The only disagreement we ever have is concerning his son which is a huge reason of why we haven't got married yet. He claims he doesn't know why he is scared to parent and then sometimes admits that he's worried he will lose his son if he does. My fiancé was previously married to the mother of his son and after a year and a half of marriage she came to him and told him she was pregnant and didn't know if he was his or not. My fiancé said it didn't matter he was going to raise him as his own which I think is pretty honorable. When she cheated A second time they got divorced. It is very hard watching his son walk all over him and him not having the backbone to teach his son right from wrong. His son has no respect for him and rarely gives him the time of day unless he wants something. It's made me resentful of his son. I've seen the text messages back-and-forth with his son where often he is asking about getting together with his son and his son blows him off saying he's got homework, work (finally got a job) or wants to go hang out with friends. For his 18th birthday my fiancé bought him a new cell phone and his son hasn't acknowledged him much since. I told him I would disconnect the cell phone if it was me and guaranteed he would get a phone call. It seems that for the most part moms do the discipline. I just like to know from some dads why they are scared to do it

Their need to be liked/loved

and "more loved" than the other bio parent is greater than their self esteem. From what DH has said (who is afraid to "be mean", ie "parent"), he seems to need to win over BM and be more loved than her, plus he also seems afraid that the kids will want to stay at the other house if he enforces any boundaries or rules (this was very evident when *I* set boundaries and rules and he was the one who balked at them more than the kids). I think there's a level of enmeshment between bioparents that also doesn't let them stand on their own and set rules, they still see themselves as subservient to the other parent.

Lack of courage, lack of

Lack of courage, lack of character, lack of intellect.

I think it is pretty simple.

Far too many are more interested in buying the love of their children through food, toys and friendship because they lack the character, intellect and courage to actually parent.

IMHO of course.

My husband has admitted he is afraid to discipline his kids

Because they have threatened to run away from him, abandon him. All manipulative crap. Thing is he worked his arse off to provide a comfortable life for them, do they appreciate it? Of course not!!

Do they respect hubby for how hard he worked so they weren’t like other kids who struggled to survive? Of course not!!

i told hubby the fact they do this just reconfirms they have no respect or love for you, you are just an atm!! I don’t have to participate in any activities with them and tolerate abusive behaviour

thing is, my 2 kids give unconditional love to me and their dad, but somehow the temporary attention skids gove to hubby has more effect on hubby to jump through hoops like a friggin idiot for those 3 arseholes.

i have no respect for them, lost any feeling of empathy for them for how they treat others. The we’re cod so everyone feel sorry for us is just absolute bs!!

Your children are fortunate

Your children are fortunate to have you and their dad.

I too won the parent lottery. My parents are incredible people as individuals, incredible as a couple, and incredible as parents. Disappointing them is something that I and my brother would never do consciously and for sure would not repeat a behavior that did disappoint them. Even now as successful men (55 and 49). No matter where we are in the world, if mom and dad need us we are there.

They never ask for help, which drives me nuckin futz. They don't want to impose. They really don;t need much help. They are completely healthy and capable of taking care of themselves and just about any problem they may run into. Wich at 77 & 75 is a blessing. But, that does not mean we don't want to be there for them if they are dealing with life.

Dad had an incident a couple of weeks ago that is a perfect example of this. He was putting the Christmas tree back in the attic when he slipped and partially fell through the ceiling into the living room. He really banged himself up. He never called either my brother or I (my DW and I live a couple of hour drive away). We found out in his daily "Blurb" that he emails out every day outlining what they were doing the day before. Periodically there wil be a gap in the distribution of the Blurb. Usually if they are particularly busy or on a trip the Blurb will stop for some period.

I got no Blub for a few days. Then ... poof. The Blurb goes over his ceiling surfing session and the severity of his soreness, bruising, and gouged flesh. I was pissed. As soon as I got the Blurb I called to check up on dad. He assured me that he was fine, that they had not called because they didn't want to interfere in our lives, etc.... So, 4 days after the fact we spent last weekend with mom and dad to help with putting Christmas decorations away and to assure ourselves that dad is Okay. Dad is pretty stoved up and still very stiff and sore. But he is not severly infured. After a couple of days mom finally got him to to go to the Doc. They did X Rays to check for internal injuries, broken ribs, etc... He was fortunate. No broken bones or internal injuries. So, I did 15 trips upstairs hauling trees, totes of decorations, etc... upstairs to the store room and attic, and I roped off the perimeter of the decked attic space to at least provide some visual limits if he decides to go back in the attic. Which he will.

Once dad is recovered and once he completes surgery next month (an urelated health issue) he and I will deck in the remainder of the attic. The decking that is there was installed when the home was built and it was not installed correctly. The end of the decking where dad fell through was susptended between two ceiling rafters rather than centered on the rafters. So when he stepped there while putting the tree away the decking bowed under his weight, his foot slipped and through the ceiling he went.

Parents can sometimes be just as infuriating as kids. They can make decisions that make little sense, just like kids. In this case they didn't want to interfere in the lives of their family.

smh.