Are you a BM or SM? Or neither? What movements are you referring to?

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

A pretty slow day for you at the office Gestalt, or do you prefer Angela? Or are you merely a peon at the office, so bored with you life, you need to lurk in ours???

You are constantly giving your cold, clinical, inane, half-@ssed, unsolicited advice.
You refuse to answer direct questions some of us have had in regards to your parental status, and you refuse to try to see things from all perspectives. All this make nice, kum-bi-ya cr@p of yours is seen quite frankly, as a pathetic attempt to drum up business.

You were laughed off the board once, and I didn't think you would be so naive to come back six months later, start spewing the same nonsense, and think you would get a warm reception.

Jung would be oh so proud...

Why the vicious personal attacks when someone has an opposing viewpoint?

Or asks a simple question.

And why would Gestalt be laughed off of this board? It seems to me that she just wants to help.

Am I missing something here?

Now I understand why I received so many pm's from ladies who didn't want to put their thoughts on the board...they would be attacked.

It's impossible to type on a small keyborad of a phone.
Now that I am home, I can clearly compose my thoughts on the subject...

Usually I do not “get into” the thick of it with other posters when things get heated. I’m one of those people who has even written, “take what you need and leave the rest” when people write things that offend others on this site.

And why? Because this site is about Stepparents VENTING. It’s about Stepparents who have reached the end of their rope, who are stressed-out beyond belief, and have usually done a “Google search” that includes the words “I hate my stepchild” or in my case “crazy ex-wife”. Then they are led here to this WONDERFUL SITE!! (Thanks ,Dawn!)

And here, we find hope, reassurance that we are indeed not crazy, or alone in the universe. We find, for the first time, that there are so many others like us in the same situations- and it is comforting. We have found a “family”. We have found new “friends”.

We offer suggestions from our own “been there-done that -bought the t-shirt” book of hard knocks! Some of us have lived through many years of this blended-family adventure and have so much experience to offer others, even if it’s through the mistakes WE have made! Some of us are just starting out and are desperately yearning for sage advice from others.

But whatever our reasons for being here, it is all because we are caring, loving Stepparents whose hearts are in the right place.

I would ask that you look at everyone’s Bios. EVERYONE who comes on this site puts either Stepmom(dad)/Biomom(dad) as their status. After all, isn’t THIS the purpose of the site, right up at the top of the page:

STEP TALK: where Stepparents come to vent

I did not think the reason (and correct me if I’m wrong here, Dawn) was:

STEPTALK: “A place for Certified Mediators and Life Coaches to push their own personal agendas under the guise of being a Stepparent”

And this is why I take umbrage with Gestalt’s questionable motives on this site.

PS: in case anyone was unclear about the purpose of “venting”…

vent: discharge, expel c: to give often vigorous or emotional expression
A means of escape or release from confinement; an outlet

"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"

I like your last sentence about Carol Brady...and I also googled crazy ex-wife to find this site!!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

Discharge -Expel..
and of course we come to help too but we do not come here to be told we are mean or childish..
this is our outlet to keep us from EXPELLING on our S/O or (step)kids.
thanks for the clarification 5 T!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I guess I still don't understand the problem with someone trying to help everyone get through their issues. I, for one, really appreciate any words of wisdom that I can get!!

Yeah, this is a place to vent, but I imagine that it's also a great tool for everyone to learn from each other, right? That's why I'm here, to learn and understand.

Family Rights Movement.

I think I get the idea of this post.

What am I doing to help better the situation that is seemingly unfair in my eyes? Well, I started seeing a therapist. Does that count?

With therapy, I realized my part in the whole situation and although I would like to think that I am perfect...I am not. I was too busy blaming BM, that I was unable to see that I was very much a contributor to the animosity that lingered in my life. So I started educating myself on the mental illness of the mother of my skids. It awoke a lot in me and helped me humanize the beast I had manifested in my mind. I also joined a support group for stepparents on-line. More recently, I joined another support group for family members of those who endure Borderline Personality Disorder in their daily lives.

Finally, last year I became a child advocate for high conflict divorce, domestic violence, and neglect cases. Amazingly about 80% of the women who are ordered to supervised visitation are suffering from a mental illness. This has tugged at my heart strings a alot because I am very proud of some of the moms who just don't have the capacity to care for their children, but who still love their children and whose children love them VERY much. I am humbled by my experience and am embarassed by the complete contempt I had for the woman who used to be married to my husband. Don't get me wrong, she is still very capable of driving me a little crazy, I just see her in a different light.

But this is my situation. I've educated myself in a lot of aspects and grew from my experience rather than wallowing in it. I was the only one that could change my situation...so I did.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I wondered where you were all this time. Sorry to see you still can't ask a question without knee jerk response.

I know my view here is unpopular, and I apologize if my not going along for the railroad ride disappoints my many friends who for some reason I have yet to truly grasp are so heated over your presence among us. For those of you that I am friends with who were perhaps not here yet the last go around, I am sorry, but I just don't get the controversy, and think it had more to do with someone who protested loudly and righteously the first time around, than with Gestalt. I have told Gestalt my thoughts, and they were at times in the tough love category, but she has always been receptive and appreciative in response to me.

I know people seem to take offense to anyone on here who is no longer dealing with SM issues, but there are BM's only on here too, as well as those who's SKs rarely or never come around anymore who still join, still post. Gestalt was a SM and did post her SM history here. All are welcome in my opinion, though like Gestalt has had to get used to, those who's delivery sounds more clinical than empathetic will get an earful in return.

Gestalt I welcome your questions and your thoughts. I think you do seek to help and understand, but this forum can be trigger happy when the group feels someone is simply here gathering information to improve their professional undertakings.

To me? I think you are likely getting an eyeful into a world that's difficult to grasp if you're not currently in the trenches, and if it makes you better at what you do, or if you offer up to us some piece of info that helps our situation, then bring it anytime. We don't have to read or respond or acknowledge you if we don't like it. Seems we like reading, responding, acknowledging and...well offering an opinion in return.

Welcome back, and I guess take heart that at least your slightest utterance gets tons of responses from us. You have a sort of backhanded popularity here.

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

"Getting past our own anger to see the human that hides behind all the bad behavior is very, very difficult. I have not quite mastered that yet...but I do aspire."...That is great CG...and I am not being sarcastic, I truly think its great that u are able to do this....I however, have no interest in getting past what my BM has done to her children.whether she is bipolar,,,diagnosed or undiagnosed....whatever her issues are or were, maybe mommy and daddy didn't love her enough that made her drug SD's soup so she could f*&k every guy in town and SD would stay asleep, I don't know and I really don't care.......when u have a female, I won't even call her a woman, bear children to only tell them they wish they were never born, beat them with rakes and irons and anything else she can get her hands on....tell them their father wants nothing to do with them, when in fact all he does is want them in his life...lie, scheme and use her children to any end....I'm sorry...I just have no intention of even caring what her dysfunction is...when u make a conscience decision to have a child, that child comes before any unfulfilled need u have....that's the law of the universe....when u allow yur drunken, drug infused boyfriend to beat the crap out of your developmentally disabled son and yur 9 yr old daughter calls 911 and YOU hang up the phone.....I don't have any interest in "understanding why she is the person she is"...it simply doesn't matter in my life....my life is now dedicated to 3 children who must now be re-built to even believe they have a chance in life....I'm just sick of hearing about all this equality BS.....there are bad Dads and bad Moms and I have NO interest in seeing defective people have equal rights when it comes to their children....how about a step family rights group for the SMs and SDs who now must dedicate their lives to helping these kids.....the ones who are in the trenches every day doing the parenting???.....sorry...just a rant....cuz.....as the child of an abusive alcoholic father.....sometimes u have to just stop using mental illness as an excuse (my BM claims to be BP but refuses to seek treatment) and take responsibility for the children u have and PUT YURSELF SECOND.....so until she does that.....I for one will not forgive her, help her or even lend any legitimacy to any of her so called afflictions!!!

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

I have never had a problem with her posting here. I dont agree with everything she says but she has never disrespected me and she goes her way and I go mine. On any forum we are going to find all kinds of people and she just happened to be on this one. I am surprised that she came back to this forum because when she was on here before some of the people were very mean to her and all she did was express her opinion. I dont know if she is still a SM and I dont care. I know that she was a SM at one time and that is good enough for me. After being a SM one never forgets how it feels.