NEED ADVICE
I am a SM of 3 children. (SD16, SD13, SS10)My husband and I have sole custody and the BM has visitation rights. My husband has made a decent living the last few years so we have not made a big deal about not receiving child support from the BM. My husband was laid off in January and since then I have asked the BM to help out with expenses such as: drivers training costs, sports fees, and clothes. She just ignores my requests. BM is currently several thousand dollars in arrearages. I have tried the last several years to actually become a friend to the BM and this has helped make things such as visitations, and other events go well. But now I'm becoming frustrated with her lack of responsibility to her children. I found out yesterday that she has been driving on a suspended license since 2005 - even with the children in her car. I don't know what to do - do I cause problems by having Child Support hold her in contempt and refuse to allow her to drive the children til she can provide a license and insurance or do I have a cordial conversation with her explaining the problem and what our needs are????
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Go to the local Child support office and they will do the rest.
I wouldn't have her put in jail, but hey, she needs to pay. If the roles were reversed she would gladly put DH in jail if he wasn't paying for every little thing!
She needs to help with HER children. I can't beleive how sick some BM's are. IF my x ever wins custody of my son, which he won't, I would pay CS. He has for the past 10 years, why wouldn't I? Ya know....
Jen makes a TERRIFIC point, here!
"I wouldn't have her put in jail, but hey, she needs to pay. If the roles were reversed she would gladly put DH in jail if he wasn't paying for every little thing..."
Think about it and read some of the postings from the nasty BMs who just PICK PICK PICK at the Birth Fathers.
They scream at them if they are ONE DAY LATE with the CS check. Or five minutes late with dropping off their children for a visit. They make their lives a LIVING HELL for every minor infraction they can think of!
And I'm guessing that if this BM was the FT Custodial Parent, she'd be NO DIFFERENT, making your lives the same living hell.
All you are asking for is a minor piddance in CS (try $3650/month for TWO kids who we have 50-50!) during a time when you guys are struggling. And she STILL WON'T PAY???
She's truly a POS!
As for the suspended license? She's jeopardizing her children's safety. That makes her an even bigger POS in my opinion. I'd report her. There's too much to lose.
By the way- why did her license get suspended in the FIRST PLACE? Dear God, I hope it wasn't for anything like DUI!!!
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
I haven't been able to find
I haven't been able to find out why she lost her license. My assumption is DUI. She was quite the partier in that time. She was ok for the last few years but she's starting to revert back to her old ways. She has a pretty decent husband but now she's cheating on him with a loser. So the kids are once again not her focus. She rarely calls them and the only reason why she sees them every other weekend is because she almost lost her parental rights a few years ago for going almost a year with no contact with them.
I guess me playing peace maker the last couple of years wasn't meant to last. I was really trying to keep things cordial for the kids.
I guess it's time for a reality check.
Turn her in for the
Turn her in for the arrearages. Sounds to me like you've already tried to be cordial and she's ignored your request. She doesn't seem to have any interest in being cordial to you, so let them handle her. As far as the license, if she gets pulled over the car will be impounded & you will get a call to pick up the kids. If she doesn't have insurance, HELL NO do no let them ride with her! If she gets into an accident and they are badly hurt, whose going to help cover the medical bills? Auto insurance helps to cover medical payments for each person in the event your health insurance doesn't cover it all. Thats assuming she has full coverage. If its just liability you wouldn't get any help. This is a touchy subject for me because my dad was riding with someone and they got into an accident that wound him up with $100,000 in medical bills. He had to sue all 4 insurance companies (4 cars involved) in order to cover what was left after he reached the cap on his medical insurance. Good thing there was 4 companies to sue because none of the cars had that great of coverage. If there weren't that many cars involved he would have had thousands in medical bills!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I'm thinking that we should
I'm thinking that we should notify Child Support that we need help with the arrearages and then see how it plays out. I don't really want her to go to jail I'm just asking for a little assistance. I don't even know why we should have to ask her to help with certain expenses she should be willing since they are her children. She's only obligated to pay $180 per month and that's for 3 kids. We pay all medical insurance and medical bills. I'm the one that takes them to all appts (dr, dentist, school functions) she probably doesn't even know who their dr is.
I just hate drama and stress so I always try to keep the peace. But now that circumstances are different and we need some help I'm thinking that getting her to be responsible is more important.??
Report her
She needs to pay. I would also mention the suspended license. If you wait for something to happen, it will be too late to prevent injury etc. She needs to be shaken up and realize her children ARE her responsibility.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I would turn her in too
The lack of caring of some parents just baffles me.
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