Thanks Jen, Yeah I'm terrified of how they ,oldest especially, will turn out when he's older, he has the most amazing sense of entitlement, selfishness, and a scary narcissistic personality and he's only ten.Cookie cutout of his mother and nothing of his sweet, gentle, although very much permissive fathers personality.

I can see myself down the road as a homicide victim, on a 20/20 documentary on why 10yr SS flipped and killed the only one standing between him and his "happy" family(BM's an alcoholic tramp that slept with or attempted to sleep with most of FH's "friends) I'm exaggerating about the homocide fear (at least a bit) and minimizing BM's(shedevils) trampiness(quite a bit)

I have a 12yr old who has her days, but she stopped writing on walls with marker(hidden spots in her closet I only discovered after moving:-) ) at about age 4. She doesn't hover around me and FH like a fly. Is involved in school activities and has friends.I couldn't imagine my FH telling her to shower for school and her back-talking, no less screaming in his face.

My main reason for moving out was a call I received from my daughters teacher saying she hadn't been her bubbly self lately and when confronted by her teacher, she began crying and said she had alot going on at home and she just couldn't take it anymore, her grades had dropped considerably and apparently I just didn't notice, I dropped the ball.
Definitely made me feel like a crappy mom and broke my heart, esp. when a teacher's seeing things I'm not.I didn't bust my a** as a single mom for 11yrs doing my best to mold this child into the loving, respectful, considerate kid she is to have some one else's, FH and BM's, lack of parenting ruin my daughters life. So as much as it hurt me and still hurts I won't expose her to that toxic environment anymore.

I had NO idea what i was getting into bewitched. I tried SO hard in the begining ( not kissing a**) but really made an effort to support them and blend our families.We'd go camping, fishing baseball and T-ball games( BM never showed or did anything but go out the 2 days of the week she gets them)movies, basically all the things regular normal families did. I was and never will be good enough, their BM can leave them at random strangers houses at all hours of the night, tell them to lie to their father, live with multiple men in a couple months time.But she's oh sooooo wonderful and do you remember the pretend nothings she did with us Dad, at least he can bring them back to earth and remind them that they either did these things with G-ma or G-pa, or him, not their mother, it's actually pretty sad when your kids have to constantly make up fake things you did together because you never were there.

thanks for the welcome! Wow, it really does feel great to vent

Oh how I would love to turn the clock back and only date, I felt so lucky when I met FH, I thought I've met the man of my dreams till I spent enough time with the Sk's. I swear men who have kids like this should have to wear a sandwich board at all times saying " My children will make you want to jump head first off the tallest cliff you can find."
I'm actually back to enjoying our relationship again, like when we were first dating, but I can't help but wonder about the future

I've spoken with FH about this and eventually had to lay it all on the table, I'm not the type that can hurt feelings easily so it took me awhile and when hinting didn't work I just got right to the point.He said he was working on things and I explained I didn't feel the punishments (mild) fit the behavior. This is when the defensive behavior comes out and he starts with the whole your parenting style's not perfect and your BD's not perfect. I agree but also say she has friends, a social life, doesn't get detention on a weekly basis, has hobbies( loves horseback riding), and has yet to disrespect him. I understand the whole projecting thing, but the truth is I'm just trying to keep us together, and help him understand why we never get invited over any one's home when he has the kids EVER. No kid is perfect but you should be able to at least go to the grocery store with pre-teens without feeling like you want to switch places with the greeter at the door.

My daughter is much happier, thanks for the concern. I love your saying by the way please add FH'S EX to the box being shipped to outer space, she'll fit right in.

Thanks for the welcome. His boys are in counseling but are still being severely coached by BM. As many of you on this site have heard we are the wall that stands between their father being back with their mother. In my case she had left numerous times and was even caught in the act, left nine months before I even met FH. She was all sweet in the beginning wanting to meet me and everything, I agreed to it, because I understood wanting to know what kind of person was going to be around your children. She saw a pic of me (I'm no model but take care of myself and lack a receding hairline) and then decided it was too soon for her kids to have someone new in their lives( uh, excuse me, what about the numerous male "friends" she lived with, that they just happened to share the same bed)
I had to laugh when you mentioned parenting classes, because when I was explaining to my daughter that me and FH are not going to live together to give you and (SK's) time to adjust.She said you know mom I really like FH but maybe he just needs some parenting classes. From the mouths of kids