Right of First Refusal ?
So my husband was granted everyother wkend vis. with his 4 kids, EVEN if he has to work... and with 4 its a juggle between the two of us and will be worse for me alone to handle.
And the Ex, wants the kids returned to her if he gets called to work.......fair right.
Negotive.
Picture this: we are all sitting in the court room and the judge rules that the kids stay with me, the new stepmom if my hubby is called to work on his visitation days.
Problem?
Yes there is a problem...who asked me? The judge made a ruling without even finding out what hrs I work. What I want, if I'm willing or even care.........
Please, tell me that i am not the only one out there who actually agrees that the stepmom should get her own children back should the husband be called to work for days at a time.........
anybody out there feel my pain....we are talking 4 kids here.
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What doesn't kill you will
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........
I find it completely ignorant
that a judge would rule that way especially since the BM wants her children back if your DH gets called to work. What did BM's attorney say during that ruling? Didn't her attorney object?
I'd find your own attorney (NOT the one your DH used) and have the ruling reversed on your behalf. That is such bulls$%t!
the sad thing is.......
this is sooo coming between me and my husband. he feels that they are my step kids and that i should want to take care of them.
This is also the man that thought I should call the kids and just "visit" with them....right when we got married ? WHATTTT? that does not even feel natural...we had no bond yet..HELL we still dont due to the EX wifes games of manipulation........
Good idea with my own lawyer, but i might as well get a divorce attorny, because...this is my hubbys argument " well if you need help just call my family "....YEAH OK.... -- no hubby "YOU CALL YOUR FAMILY .....they are YOUR kids.
Its like the ball is being forced in my court and they are not even mine ?????????????????
What???
A judge ordered that you have to be a babysitter? No freakin' way!
What did your DH say about this?
~Evil
If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren
i agree but can see where and why a judge would rule that way
alot of parenting plans have the rite of first refusal built in BUT for scheduling purposes, its probably easier to keep them at dads. u are the SM, u married him knowing he had kids and are expected to care for them in dads absense. im guessing the judge ordered it just bc its easier on BM and BD, meaning if BM has plans during dads visitation but then would need to take them, or if dad only worked for part of the time, how can anyone be sure dad would get them back for the rest, plus the makeup time...its just messy. thats my guess. us SMs dont count much for anything in the eyes of the court. if BM is agreeing, maybe u guys could get it changed? or just do it anyway...just bc thats whats ordered doesnt mean thats how it has to be...maybe have DH suggest to BM that she take them back if the situation occurs despite what the judge says. this is YOUR life and YOUR kids and u can do w them what u want...dont let the judge tell u how to live your life if u are all in agreement. just know that may open up a can of worms too.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Bells...what a great viewpoint.
I like the idea that the judge was handing over the power to DH. That way you don't have BM calling your house DEMANDING the kids be brought to her because DH had to work.
It leaves the shot calling to DH and I think that's good.
BM used to cry a river if DH worked on a Saturday and I watched them for a day. They are indeed HER daughters...but in an attempt to deal with her the LEAST amount possible, I would rather have watched them myself instead of dropping them off only to have her DEMAND that DH pay her for watching her own children.
I think the judge might be on to something here.....
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
No, no, no, again.
A judge cannot say that the kids HAVE TO stay with you if DH goes to work. You are not a party to their divorce, you didn't create these children and you are not a party to the custody order. The order is probably that the kids CAN stay with you, instead of DH sending them back to their mother. That's a good thing. It means his weekends are his weekends, whether he has to work or not, and it keeps BM out of his time with the skids. It doesn't mean BM is not allowed to have them if he gets called in. It just means that he can choose who watches them on his time. If he chooses you and you agree to watch them, then great. If you don't agree, then he can ask BM or get a babysitter. Just like every other parent in the world has to do.
And yes, yes, yes, I really DO feel your pain with the four kids! We have five altogether and my youngest two skids are both "exceptional." (One is mildly mentally handicapped and the other is moderately mentally retarded.) Having all five of them by myself was really hard when they were younger, but it got easier as they got older.
My belief is that when you marry a man with children, regardless of the custody situation, you have to go in assuming that there is at least a chance that those kids will someday end up living with you full-time. Whether you have 50/50, EOW or see the skids once a year, there's always the chance that - God forbid!
- their mother will be hit by a bus and the skids will have to come live with you. If it happens, you make a plan to deal with it and you go on.
I think you have to work this through DH. You have to let him know what you are and are not willing to do for his kids, but you also have to remember that whatever expectations YOU had of how your marriage/family would be, he also had HIS. They are his kids and his problem, 100%. Well, 50%, anyway. Ultimately, they are his and BM's responsibility. I will never argue with that point. For me, though, I committed to a man with children and that means I do what I can to support him in being the best father he can be. That has meant different things and different levels of involvement over the years, as things have changed a lot in the seven years we've been married. My DH sees me as "back-up," though, and not as the primary caretaker of the skids when they are with us. He has a ton of other faults, but he's always been good that way.
♥ ANNE 8102 ♥