Wedding question - odd request from BM
In 5 days we leave town for our wedding/vacation. In 11 days we'll be married. So far, no big BM blow ups, in fact, she actually agreed to swap some time so we can get out of town early. Not sure why she's being so "nice".
I'm finally getting excited. Skids are so excited, I suspect both BM and in-laws are SICK and TIRED of hearing the kids go on and on and on about how they can't wait to leave town and have the wedding.
Here's my latest dilemma: BM told ss to "have XXXXX take some photos of you in your tux and send them to me"
Now, the last time I used my photography skills to help sd complete a school project, I took photos and sent them to Bm's email. I didn't charge her. I got no response from her at all, not even an acknowledgment that the email was received. I am not inclined to go to any trouble to take photos of my wedding or the kids special apparel for my wedding, just because she wants to see what they look like.
If the kids really want a wedding photo to take to her house for their rooms, I guess that might be one thing. At this point neither one of them has mentioned it.
Would you send a photo of skids at your wedding to BM just because she is curious about their outfits?
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I wouldnt
I wouldnt its your wedding and the least of your concerns should be sending her pics, and its not like she asked you to do it, and the fact that you have done it b4 to be nice im assuming,and she couldnt even give you the courtesy of acknowledging that you sent them I wouldnt waste your time. Like you said if the kids ask for pics to tkae home thats one thing but I wouldnt just for her, just my opinion. And I hope your wedding/vacation is wonderful and beautiful
I have given professional
I have given professional pictures to BM as well as candids with no reply or thank you. I say if you happen to end up with some photos of SK's that you think they would like to look back on, send them back to BM's with the pictures for them. If she happens to enjoy them too...good for her and no extra effort on your part FOR her because you would be doing it for the kids. You said the kids had not asked for pictures? I don't know how old your SK's are but, from my experience kids don't ask for that type of thing but they enjoy getting them.
Congratulations and have a great time!
We have lots of pictures of
We have lots of pictures of us/kids here. They are 7 and 9 and still uncomfortable about mixing belongings or taking things between the houses.
If the request had come from either of the kids, I would consider it much more seriously. It was the way she told ss to "tell me to take some pictures" - he put the phone away from his face with her on the line to tell me right then. I told him we would talk about it later.
It just irks me for her to a)put the kids in the middle and b)expect that I will send her photos any old time, just because she said so.
*sigh*
OK, I get it. I really do
OK, I get it. I really do and I have to tell you one of the reasons I have sent pictures with the kids is not only so they could have pictures of Dad with them when they are at BM's, but to irritate BM. I guess in your case it would actually be what she wanted.
Tell her to pound sand!
i would take a picture....
of the kids with their dad and send that to her. i honestly believe that as a mother, you love seeing your child all dressed up and cleaned up and looking nice. having their father in the picture is one way of reminding her:
a) he's your husband now and here's the pic to prove it
b) you can't pretend he doesn't exist - he's still their father and here's the pic to prove it.
good luck.
Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.
ooh that is good!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Tell the photographer
Is someone taking official photos for you, even just a friend? Make a list of shots you would like, ex. walking back down the aisle, getting ready, etc. including kids outfits. Then let him/her worry about it and do it or not, and you just enjoy your day! you don't get very many of those days!! so don't let any 'obligation' to BM of all people take up your time on it, ya know?
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
As a BM (and SM) myself...
If she has done what you said about arranging for you to go early, etc, and no attempts to sabotage your wonderful day, I would definitely send one. If it were SD's BM, I'd go further and frame it with a thank-you for being so considerate and cooperative.
This could be a fabulous opportunity to set the stage for further cooperation.
I actually forgot to take pics of each of my sons and SD in their outfits or getting their ties tied, etc. My exh and their SM would have loved copies of that. But I only have a few of all three of them together. We didn't have a prof photographer b/c my brother's excellent and has done some prof pics himself. BUT he was too busy seeing family to get all the pics I wanted. AND it took away from his being able to just relax and enjoy himself. I was trying to save money. I regret that.
And if my SD's BM would at all be cooperative and friendly, I would go over and above to show my appreciation.
Just my opinion.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
I argee with Unknown and
I argee with Unknown and Sita Tara and I think both purposes would be served. I'm glad they were able to phrase it better than I.
I would be annoyed too...
I hate when BM makes requests like that. It is NOT something you should worry about on your day, and if you happen to "forget" you shouldn't consider it the end of the world.
I would just hold off...
I would personally hold off on sending any photo's when you return. If BM requests one of the kids, I would then send it.
I just think that most of these BM's do not want their ex husband, but they don't want them to go on either...sending a picture without her request may provoke things because it is about HER ex going on with HIS life.
This is just my opinion, but I try to not do anything to get the ball rolling with the BM because we have to deal with so much shit already & I certainly don't want to be the cause of yet another episode with her mental instabilities.
Congratulations by the way....I am certain you will be a gorgeous bride!!
Corie
Absolutely!
When H and I married back in Sept we had several shots taken of ss by himself. I actually wanted to have a couple matted and framed and given to his mom but did not due to she would not want to see him dressed for our occassion. Now if you think BM only wants the picture to inquire how their outfits look then give her what she wants send the pictures when you get back and show her just how darn cute they are in their wedding attire and how happy they are! Go for it!
My opinion
Enjoy your wedding and your honeymoon and if BM or SS (on BM's behalf) asks for a picture then when you get around to it and have looked through you pictures and you see one then send it to her I wouldn't even put too much effort in to thinking about it I'm sure you have PLENTY going on besides worrying about something like this. Congrats!