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Who here had a step parent?

luvdagirl's picture

How many of us here have a "step"parent, and what were our relationships with these people like?

I have been reading other blogs and have often wondered if we get into it partially because we have experienced it first hand(other role),

I Had a wonderful SM, met her only after my mothers death when I was 14, but we had a really loving relationship- even my moms- mother loved this women. I lost her a few years back and still hope to be as loving and understanding as she was for the last part of my adolescence.

Comments

BabygotBack1988's picture

have a step father and my dads working on a sm but luckyly i knew the sm already so its going ok

and my step father we never got on i felt left out to his bio children

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you ) Blum 3

Nymh's picture

My mother gave me up when I was 10 and I've lived elsewhere ever since. I decided to move in with my father when I was 11. The woman he was married to at the time that I moved in was older in spirit, and had the attitude that she "didn't sign up to be a step mom" because my father's kids weren't in the picture when they were dating or got married. She always resented me.

They divorced and he met my current step mom. She is the mother that I never had. I don't call her "mom", but besides that, for all intents and purposes she is my mother. She's awesome.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

ColorMeGone2's picture

My stepfather is who I refer to as "my Dad," although I call him by his name out of respect for his children. My biological father's wife is just that... my biological father's wife. I have no relationship with either him or her and have to desire to form one. Their affair is how my parents' marriage broke up. That's not why I have no relationship with them. I have no relationship with them because my father was not interested in maintaining a relationship with my sister or myself after the divorce and any attempts I made at contacting him were thwarted by his wife. I also have a step-grandmother.

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ANNE 8102 | GEORGIA

Dreamer's picture

I had two step fathers. The first was never mean to me but he let his son get away with murder. The second loved me liked his own but couldn't stand my mother :?

As for step mothers are you counting ones only by marriage or does common law marriage count also? For real marriages I know of 4 but he maybe married now.. I'm not sure. Common law and you can add 2 more.
I loved my first stepmother, it broke my heart when he left her. The second was a beast! She beat me, wouldn't let me sit on furniture, made me be the maid, starved me when Dad wasn't around, locked me out of the house in the winter, distroyed my clothes, and the last thing she ever did was try to break my arm. The other's were all nice to me too. One or two would tell me lies about my mother but I knew they came from my father. I didn't blame them. I loved the last one but she passed away. Now I have nothing to do with my father. It's my choice. I can't stand watching him use women and throw them away like garbage when he's done. He even treats my sisters and I the same way. And he doesn't even care that I'm not around.

So yea I know a little bit about being the step child. I've even told the SKIDS this. When they try crap I just tell them "been there, done that"

Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns

Lace Lady's picture

For years my SF acted like he didn't want me around. Yeah, he did a lot for me when I was little, but I can't help but think that he only did those things just to be with my mom. It had nothing to do with me. He didn't like me much. He treated me like a loser most of the time, but refused to see the things I was accomplishing. There was nothing I could ever do that was good enough.

But now that's water under the bridge. My SF has been around for over 20 years but we're just now starting to get along, especially after I found this site. What I discovered what that my mother was trying to force a bond between us that did not exist, & I think that handicapped the bond we could have had. Since I put a stop to that, my SF & I have started to get along. He's actually glad to see me when I come over. He actually likes me now.

IMO, as a step father, he was a good one. As a real dad - which my mother tried to make him into - he failed. Why? Because he wasn't my real father! You don't send a farmer into space & expect him to be an astronaut. And that had nothing to do with choices. It was just life.

Being in a step family is tough. You don't want to mistreat the steps but it's tough to connect at the same time. It's easier to stop forcing what we SHOULD have & just accept what we DO have. If we do that, we might get something even better than what we wanted to begin with.

Alright, now who is picturing an astronaut farming on the moon?

stressedoutsm's picture

that I have nothing to do with. I never liked her and never will. Which is ironic Smile

losingmymind's picture

I am a SD. I have a step dad that my mom wouldn't let have any say. She told him that we were "her kids" and not his. Then when they had a child together when I was 12 it kinda changed everything. Little sis got EVERYTHING under the sun because step dad could do for her and my mom wouldn't let him do for us. He says that he tried but my mom said no. She said no to little sis too but that was step dads child and he would put his foot down.

My real dad is now in my life but was in and out for a long time. He had a wife, my brother's mom, and I really liked her a lot. I still feel this connection to her. They divorced and now my dad has a girlfriend that lives with him who is 7 years older than me and 5 older than my sister. It's weird. I try to be friends with her and do get irritated when it appears that she is trying to seem older than me...I mean...come on, we are practically the same age here!! Smile

I draw off this yes. I have tried to tell BM that I know from experience that if she tries to keep SD away from her dad SD will end up resenting her in the future but she won't listen. I know...I haven't spoken to my own mom in over 6 months now. But I am developing a closeness with my dad that I never had.

PartlyCloudy's picture

I am a SD. My dad's affair with my SM is what split up my parents' marriage. My mom could only tolerate the affair for two years and then she had had enough. I was only 9 when this happened and didn't understnad very much of it at all. I didn't see my dad for several months after he moved out and that hurt tremendously because I had always been daddy's little girl. Once I was able to reconnect with my father it just wasn't the same. My step sister who is 6 years older than me had enough time to IMO take my place as daddy's little girl. She would never even leave enough room on the couch so that I could sit beside my own father. I hated her for a very long time as she was always dressed in the latest clothes and always going shopping with friends, etc. while I lived everyday in hand me downs that were usually a little too small (I was a chubby child in a skinny family).

I only had to put up with this for less than 3 years as my mother moved us more than 2000 miles away and I then only spoke to my dad on the phone and saw him for two weeks in the summer, only when he could afford the airfare. I didn't live close to my dad again for another 10 years and then we finally had the best relationship that we could manage. He is still married to the same woman and my relationship with my step sister formed into what it is today only out of necessity and survival.

On the bright side, enough water has passed under the bridge that we all (my mom, dad, step mom, and other family) can sit down and share a holiday meal together. The most enjoyable part is when my mom and step mom begin to gang up on my dad and give him a hard time (all in good fun of course, nothing mean spirited).

Don't make me get my flying monkeys!!!