but i dont blame u. maybe hes just not good at financial budgeting and needs yr help w that? if he would get his finances straitened out would u do it then, or is all the SS/BM drama part of yr decision? bc if the answer is no, why are u staying now? i know how u feel...we are having to watch our spending and i always think in the back of my mind about all the stuff we could have if he wasnt shelling out so much $$ to that witch every month. ugh. it makes me sick. and the payments will prb go up after the next court date and who knows where we'll be visitation wise. this situation is stressful for anyone, but especially to those of us who have been brought into it by the man we love. granted we chose to be w them, but it doesnt make anything easier. hang in there and do whats best for u.

You absolutely need to do what is best for you. That is not fair that you are paying more than half. I am sure that Crayon would agree w/you.. she pays for almost everything to support her and her bf and he gives what little money is left over after CS to his skids as allowance.

And I think you're being very smart. Good for you!

Cajun Lady

Ya know it won't lie.

Don't wait on him to manage his money better. My DH is 46 and I have tried the sit down thing with him, making out a budget and how he should pay off his credit card debt, in what order, how much etc... I have figured out it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. It just aint working. He swears he just got this way. BS! I think he was that way with BM. He must have been. Nothing I try has worked.

So, my checking account and savings are separate from his. We have a money market together that he contributes to (I stopped contributing to it a month ago) and that's it. We have 2 few small credit cards together, but I refuse to let those get above a certain amount. His debts will be his own. I will no longer try to help him out in any way. Dammit these guys are men - they need to man up. The funny thing is my DH has no mortgage to pay and no car payment (except for SD's-he pays half). I just don't get it so why try.

Do what you think is best. Sounds like you already know what that is!

I totally understand where you are with this. My DH is completely bad with his money as well. When we met, he was living at his brother's (DUH - I should have seen it then!). But he said he was doing that so his daughter could go to a better high school. Since that was a really nice HS, and the real estate in that district is outrageous, I bought it. But - he was a mess financially. When we started getting serious, I told him no way - until he could get himself squared away and save a certain amount would we be doing anything.

So he did. I believed him and we got married. Luckily, I have kept everything separate. Within six months of getting married, he stopped saving, a year later, he was unemployed. Three months after that - he got a job again when I started to put his truck up for sale. We do not share money at all. He is required to pay me "rent" on a monthly basis. As of two months ago, he is required to save a certain amount from each pay check. I audit it.

Other than that - his finances are his. That has been my solution. He is an sweet heart of a guy - but he will not manage his finances. I won't either, he is a big boy now. I keep everything separate - I have a house (had it before we met) - he is not on the mortgage. I have kept my own name. It sounds so unromantical, but, it is what it is. He has yet to demonstrate maturity in the financial area, and I can't allow us to be put at risk because her won't grow up. (ok - me).

I think you are totally right to be concerned. If you think you might still want to give it a go - get a pre-nup!

My DH and I have never put our money together. He has some continuing issues from before plus we have accumulated quite a bit of debt together. Neither one is good with money but I finally cut us both off. I figure it will take 4 years, with nothing unexpected coming up (yeah right) to pay off our debt-!!

If I ever had another husband financial solvency is requirement #1!! Maybe you drawing this line will force him to shape up in this area.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

...handing over his paycheck and letting you manage the budget? Even just temporarily, just to see whether or not it would work if you did decide to get married?

My husband is not bad or irresponsible with money, at all, but I'm a SAHM and one of my "jobs" is handling the money. Back when we were just living together and trying to make it work with two paychecks and each of us responsible for our own money/bills, it was really hard to juggle who would pay what and when and how much. It's MUCH easier now, even with just the one paycheck, because there's just ONE person who stays on top of everything. I get the money, I decide where it goes, he checks with me before he spends anything and there's no muss, no fuss. Some men have a hard time turning over their money and then having to ask their wife if they can spend any of it, but that's not really how my DH looks at it. The way he sees it, the bills get paid, we have money in savings, we have money to blow and he doesn't have to even think about any of it. To him, checking me with before he spends any money is a small price to pay for not having to deal with the headache of managing a budget. And for me, it works out better, since I'm the one who has to do all the shopping, anyway.

Each person in a marriage has his/her own special set of strengths and weaknesses. He doesn't ask me to change the oil in the car or fix the broken washing machine. I don't ask him to balance the checkbook. If you can swing it where managing the money is your job, that may be a solution for you guys. If nothing else, doing it for even just three or four months can show him something he probably doesn't know... where his money actually goes.

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

When we raise our children we teach them that if they behave in a certain way, then they must deal with the consequences. If we keep fixing things for them they learn that even if they do something dumb/bad/thoughtless, it doesn't matter because someone else will bail them out.

Your man needs to either learn to manage his money like a grown up or deal with the consequences - sky rocketing debt, bad credit, no cash, fed up fiances.

Despite my wise words, I married my man knowing he wasn't good with money, and I put my house up (I didn't feel I had a choice - he was my husband) to help him get on top of his debts and to save his business. Over the last few years he has worked very hard, but his debt level and his insistance on paying voluntary child support to his ex's when he couldn't afford it has been a major bone of contention in our relationship.

I love him to bits. He has changed his habits and is much more responsible with money - but I have $200K more debt than when I met him and we are in serious danger of losing our house.

The fact that his ex is swanning around in her home while I am in danger of losing mine because I have been paying her bills is just salt in the wound.

this before---------some of these men are just "unmarriageable". They are likeable and loveable, but not marriageable. I got mine at the tail end of the CS. That is why he was single for 9 years--because he only dated intelligent women and they all knew not to marry him with 3 kids to support for years.
Like a scarlet letter they should be stamped on their bottom: UM.

(just kidding)

Sixxguns, run as fast as you can. Real men don't borrow money from women.