let's just all be honest here. She cheated on DH right around the time (according to my calcs) she got preg with SD. I have asked DH if there is a chance she is not his and he will not talk about it. Anyway, so on a major holiday she packed her shit and left DH high and dry. Then decided she wanted to be honest in an attempt to work things out. :sick: When she told DH the truth, she was dead to him and could no longer trust her. Seperation went on about a year or so all the while she begged and pleaded and pranced her fat ass around. She finally filed for D. It was her that left, her that filed. Yet, she still likes to make him the bad guy? What????????????? Idiot

she cheated, she told him she filed for divorce on valentine's day, was never really interested in the kids, but has to control it all. i don't get it, never will. She will never to anything that might ever be construed as cooperative (even to the point of the Friend of the Court chastising her about it)yet she claims that he won't "work together for the kids"

ugh.

It was me. I left. It's all my fault.(in her eyes) My dad told me once that "there is no scorn as cold as a woman spurned" or something like that. Over the years she has told many people that it was her who left me. Who says women don't have egos....lol

My EX SO cheated his ass off. With multiple women, and one of them continuously. I got preg. with first child, he cheated.... I left him for a year, and studidly came back. Got preg again with second child, he cheated again with same woman. I left again.

I filed, but somehow he is still the victim in the situation and needs to be coddled and handed all the finer things in life because he just can't do it on his on *sniffle* ... rotten f*cker.

My FH broke it off with his ex SO, however they were off again on again for many years, taking turns who ended it with who. They both dated others and kept seeing each other no matter who they were with, until me. I'm the only person he's been with that he's actually told her "ITS OVER" and she just can't handle that. Guess it's about time she learned how. Or I'll give her an extra 35 cents next CS payment so she can call someone who gives a damn.

"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman

I have wondered the very same thing, and finally came to the conclusion that it really wouldn't have mattered who left, BM was still going to treat me the same no matter what.

My SO left after 8 unhappy years. He tried counselling, but she didn't like what she heard and refused to go. The final straw was when he found out she stole his identity to get credit cards and wrack up $50,000 in debt. This was his 3rd attempt at leaving and the one that stuck. Before she always lured him back with promises of changing and guilt over leaving his children, but this time he couldn't stand the sight of her any longer and left for good. He was also the one to file, and he basically had to sue her to get the divorce. Then she became bitter because she couldn't handle being a woman from a "failed" marriage and had to blame everyone else for everything that she had done to drive him away in the first place. Woman scorned, brains went out the window (if she ever had any to begin with), and she attempted to ruin his life. I think even now if Hubby went crawling back to her (just thinking about it makes me want to puke) she'd still take him back, even after all the drama. Lucky for me he still can't stand the sight of her or the sound of her voice.

our case HE filed on his exwife. I filed on my exhusband. I waited until my last child was exactly 17.4 years old to file knowing that I could get divorced in 6 months. I never wanted my children away from me so I decided to shut my mouth & enjoy my children in a two parent home. I could not imagine putting them thru the EOW thing & not being in control of my kids. The divorce was final on my oldest daughter's birthday(she doesn't know this. I am really glad I didn't get divorced until then----but REAL glad I did!

My dh didn't have that opportunity because his situation was completely different. I wasn't in a rush to marry him because he had raising to finish. I really wished I waited on that one too, for the good of his soon as well as my own.

My dh's ex left him. She found out that he cheated on her.. They probably should have not married to begin with. The marriage occured because she became pregnant with his children. They knew each other a little over a year before the skids were born.. yes.. twins... From what I have heard from both sides (prior to BM HATING me..) neither one was too into getting married to the other, but felt that it was the best course of action given the pregnancy. As DH tells it, he hadnt had s*x for almost a year when he cheated.

He and I have a clear understanding that if I ever find him cheating he will think he got easy w/the ex. I trust my dh, and dont feel that I give him a reason to look elsewhere.

He was ready, had appartment shopped, had put his resignation into the Army (boy did that peeve her when she found out b/c she waited til they were married 10 years to leave so she could have received half of his pension if he stayed in 8 more years til he could retire- she actually told him he was getting out to keep "her" money from her!)

But, at the time she left him, he hadn't shared any of that with her yet.

BM left for two reasons...one was that when DH went to Iraq the last year they were married he did a lot of thinking about what he wanted to do with his life should he be fortunate enough to return to it. He made a vow to try one more time with BM, but he was NOT going to argue with her. He said she still baited him constantly, he just didn't take the bait. And he said that reduced their communication to near zero, because the only talking they did before was arguing. So within two weeks of him shutting off the arguments, BM announced she was leaving.

The other reason was because he wouldn't buy her a bigger house (we still live in the one they shared- it's about 2200 sq feet with over an acre, and there was only BM DH and SD here.) Then she moved out, bought all new stuff for a tiny house she was renting, then asked to come back under the stipulation that they would buy a new house b/c of all the new furniture she purchased.

DH said no. He was really happy she was gone and that he didn't have to hear grief from her for leaving. And that was that. I think he didn't want to initiate it because he knew it would go more smoothly if she did. To this day SD's shrink, who has met with BM twice during the custody case, continues to advise us on trying to let BM think everything is her idea that we need her to do. I feel it's a bit manipulative, but realize now that she's right. It's the only way this PD woman opperates. We have to do what we can.

I think it's interesting that she left him, then immediately had several BF's (we're thinking she did this the past few years whenever he went out of town) ended up living with/engaged to a BF a month after the divorce was final. Yet when I showed up she turned angry, manipulative, vindictive etc. She really didn't expect him to move on, especially so soon, so happily. I think she felt "un-validated", to make up my own word.

She really thought he would fight for her. That's obvious now that she is stringing two men along - exFiance and BF #2. I think she likes them both begging for her to pick them. I feel sorry for which ever one she ends up with. They both seem like nice enough guys.

Peace, love, and red wine

divorced his ex wife because she was cheating on him with her "business partner" She hid it for months and than got caught with him at WalMart shopping by fiancee's sister...than she decided to tell fiancee that she has "fallen in love" with her business partner. Which is when she started blowing off her kid and not being a mom...so fiancee divorced her

I moved out because we just couldn't make it work anymore. We remained friends for a long time. She filed after about a year of separation when she met her now current husband. He had two nasty divorces before her and worked to make ours nasty -- that and she hired an idiot lawyer who egged on the bad feelings. We are now amicable five years post divorce.

I moved out of my ex gf's house and broke off the relationship.

Every situation is different. I believe my ex wife was unhappy because I didn't start wearing sackcloth and beating myself. My ex gf hates my guts right now because I thought she should get psych help for her kids who obviously had behavioral problems.

What can I say -- "Sucks to be me!"

Kevin

After 18 years with pyscho, my DH left her. He just couldn't take the weirdness anymore. We figure she has borderline personality disorder. Can't keep a job, has no friends, develops weird obsessions -- when she was about 50, she had a huge crush on the kids' 19-year old swim coach! My DH found a journal where she wrote notes about it. If the poor boy had only known.... he would have run screaming in the night.

I've been married twice before. Both times I left. The first time, I just married way too young. The second time, I failed to check my facts and found out all sorts of unsavory things about husband in the months after we were married, including the fact that about 10 years before, he frequented gay bars! Ouch! Imagine how quickly I went for HIV testing when I learned that little tidbit!

He soaked me good for every penny he could get as I tossed him out the door. His initial reaction to my telling him I wanted to separate was, "I have to talk to a lawyer first and find out what I'm entitled to."

It took a court injunction to get his lazy, bi-sexual ass out of my house.

This time, I did my homework carefully on my DH. What I didn't factor in was ex-nutcase and creepy skids!

I'm not sure which one filed for the last divorce. They had filed papers five years before and stopped it on the last day. This time BM was supposedly cheating on DH and had been spotted many times with two diff men. But they just had problems too. But after the divorce was final is when BM wanted him back. She said she never really thought it was serious. She actually thought they would get back together after it was final! So now she blames my DH for not taking her back to help SD. so SD blames him also. It's absolutely ridiculous. Even now that she's married she still throws that on him that he had a chance to help make it better with SD.

but I'm sure it was twice, definitely. Even if it were more, it doesn't matter anymore. I just didn't figure it out until after his dillydallying...I was pregnant with two of my four and I guess he figured that because I was so preoccupied with the pregnancies that that afforded him the right to screw around. He's never admitted it, but I have physical proof that can't be denied. The funny thing is, I never called him on it. I just filed and left him. My reasoning is, he cheated because he was unhappy. If he's unhappy, let him go. It was mutual that the marriage was one that shouldn't go on longer than absolutely necessary and the cheating wasn't the only issue that made the marriage end. There was a lot of other stuff that I won't go into because why bash him anymore than absolutely necessary. I am glad to be divorced from him so I can move on and find my own bliss. He's got a girlfriend and it doesn't bother me because I have no false illusions of wanting to get back with him. I would rather eat broken glass, mixed with cat vomit and gasoline before I would ever entertain the idea of being in a relationship with him that required cohabitating with him or being tied to him other than him being the father of our children. You get the point I'm sure.

I think because I really don't care what he does, that's why I don't feel the need to badger him and drive him crazy like a lot of the BM's that we do bitch about in this forum. He's outta my hair and that's what I wanted. I am also lucky because we do have a very good co-parenting situation and I would never dream of keeping him from the kids. He's good to them and the kids love him to death as they love me to death and I don't have a fear that they will ever stop loving either one of us. And if the GF treats them well, and like the GF, that's an added bonus.

What's the point in bashing him in front of the kids? What long term benefit would come of that? Nothing. The divorce had nothing to do with the kids, they were just innocent victims in all of it. They are not to be blamed for their parents difficulties with each other.

To be honest with you, we should never have married in the first place. We were together for over three years already when I got pregnant and so we decided that this was the best course of action at the time. I know he wanted to do the right thing, but I also know that he resented me for having to do the right thing. In his mind, we could have gone on forever and not get married because his reasoning was, "why buy the cow when the milk is free?" He actually said that many times and I was so dense that I didn't see that as a red flag and run like hell. But I think it was all a part of God's plan because I can't imagine not having my kids in my life, so that was the silver lining per se. There was enough love between us obviously because we went on to have three more. The one thing we did really well together is make beautiful babies. We just weren't meant to be together for the long haul. It just wasn't meant to be.

So now I'm a divorced and single BM. I don't have a BF, I don't want one and I don't need one. I've been told that I am very pretty and people are surprised that I don't have a companion. I guess it's because I have to work on myself first so I can be open to being open to having someone in my life that I'm going to be able to be honest and loving and not lose myself or compromise myself or my kids in any way. Does that make sense? I've decided that I'm going to turn my attention to myself and my kids for a while and get to know myself again and be very careful of my choice in partners in the future because I need to make sure that if I do meet a man, that my kids feel safe with him, and that I feel safe as well. At this point, I am swearing up and down that I don't want to get married again because I don't need another child to take care of. I 've got four and a cat. That's enough. If it's in God's plan, then it will happen when it's supposed to and when I'm ready. Till then, it's not something that I'm going to dwell on.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

MamaJenn24

Dh's ex left him. She apparently found a boyfriend. I know that dh did not want the divorce. He tried to work things out but she did not want too and moved out and in with the bf. I know it was very hard on him. This is why I get so uncomfortable when he goes overboard to be nice to her. I guess I wonder if he would go back if he could. I know it is silly, but it is hard and makes me feel second best and insecure. So yes, I definately think that her leaving him accounts for alot of his behavior towards her. He said that after she left he realized that he did not want to be with her any more either and that his eyes had been opened but I am not sure what that is supposed to mean. I guess to me it means that you didn't move on because it was your choice but because it was forced upon you. I am not sure if that even makes any sense.
Now here's my story. My ex was my first love. We met when I was 15, dated on and off until I was 19 then dated steady until we got married right before I turned 21. (Young and dumb what can I say)I chose to leave the relationship when I was about 35 and it took almost three years to get divorced. It was very nasty because he did not want to get divorced but I just wasn't happy there anymore and wanted out. I do not have any feelings for him whatsoever and do not have any desire to meddle in his life. Unless it directly effects my kids, what he does is not any of my concern and I do not want to be anything other than friends with him because of our kids and that's it. I prefer to get along with him because it is better for our kids. I don't have any hard feelings towards him and I want him to be happy. Just as long as he can be happy with out me being involved.
Now as for dh and I... we began to date about a year after he and bm had split. We were both working on divorces so I was quite happy just dating. We just seemed to click, had a lot in common and I didn't expect to fall in love with him. I am glad I did; he is a wonderful man and we get along great.
So I hope that we can work out all of the nonsense that results out of being a blended family.
That's my story
Georgie

however, hubby waited for a few years for her hoping that she would change her mind and get the cheating out of her. Once hubby devotes himself to you, he really puts his entire heart into it. She did not want him it appeared, kept telling him to go on with life. Then I came in the picture, BM then filed for divorce. A week after it was finalized, hubby gave me an egagement ring. BM then became a complete NUTBAR with jealousy. It was then that she started telling him she still loved him etc. one minute, the next putting him down in every way possible in society and to the kids, all the while still saying she wanted to work things out between them. It has been ongoing now for over 3 years (aside from the fact that she has tried everyway possible to break us up).....but because of everything she has pulled hubby has not spoken to her for anything unless at court since July of 07'....yea!! They both self represent so tid bits need to be discussed at court, but he won't let me leave his side so she can't say he said something when he didn't. She is not allowed to call here anymore and only comes here to drop off the kids for visitation.

Apparently DH left her.However his story sounds quite mad to make up.Apparently she FIRST cheated on him DURING HER PREGNANCY with SS.wow.He took her back then after SS was born she did it again.She now has a troop of men in and out of her house and has had so many BF/s / Stepfathers it's untrue.