I need advice, and I don't know where to go to get it.

I regret I haven't learned all the code letters for things, so please bear with me. Here is the situation:

My 12-year-old soon-to-be stepson comes to our house every other weekend, and for the month of July. He also comes for most of the Christmas break. He lives 15 minutes away, and so this is not a cross-country type of thing. We see him a lot, and share holidays.

Last summer, we were told his four week visit would be the month of July. However, he asked to come for a few days on June 10th and then pulled a, "Surprise, mom is letting me stay all summer." The visitation ended up lasting from June 10th to August 12th. He went home several Fridays for the day because his mother has Fridays off, but essentially we had him all summer. Nobody asked if this was okay, and the mom is not to blame. We have found that the boy tells him mom he's talked to us and this is what we want, and then he tells us the same of her. After last summer, we agreed that he would no longer be "driving the visitation train" and that he and his ex would communicate. We sat him down and explained that this summer, it simply would not be possible for him to stay all summer for the following reasons:
1. I am a teacher, but this year, I am teaching summer school and will not be out of school until July 3rd.
2. My fiance is leaving on a church mission trip on June 22-29 and won't be home. I'll be working. There will be nobody to care for him short of sending him to my mother's, and she will already have my two youngest kids - 12, and 11.

We explained that he could come the month of July plus his regular weekends. We told him we were delaying our honeymoon until August 1 so that we would not interrupt his time with his dad.

He said he knew, he understood, and all was well. A week later, he called and asked if he could go on the mission trip with his dad. We worked it out so he could go. We told him he would come June 21st, stay the night and then go on the trip. This would extend his summer vacation by just over a week. He would be with his dad June 21 - Aug. 1. He was satisfied. For about 12 seconds.

Last weekend was his regular scheduled weekend, however, his step sister was getting married so we knew he would not be coming. The weekend prior to the wedding he called and said, "Since I will miss my weekend, could I come this weekend." We said yes. He came. The weekend of the wedding he called Sunday morning and asked since he missed his weekend, could he come Sunday afternoon and stay over night and go to work with his dad Monday and then go home? We said yes. (He is out of school for summer, my kids are not.) When he arrived Sunday afternoon he had a big suitcase and said, "Surprise. I am going to be with you this coming weekend to make up for missing the past weekend (WE'VE MADE IT UP THREE TIMES NOW) and since I'm already here and I'm coming back Friday, I'm just going to stay the whole week.

I said, "I am going for a walk." I'm surprised our town's tornado whistle didn't go off. I was that upset.

My fiance and I later talked and decided that once he is already here, sending him packing would be hurtful and traumatic. We agreed that the thing to do from here forward is to call ex wife and make all schedules through her. We agreed on this. He would go home Sunday afternoon and from there forward, it would be the adults making the rules. (Oh, I should mention we've had this talk about 56 times before.)

Today, I asked what time the child is going home on Sunday. My fiance said he didn't know. I said, "Could he please go home after church so we can have one afternoon alone." My ex only takes our kids every other Sunday for four hours. We have this set up so all five kids are not with us on that afternoon. This is the only time we get to be a couple alone!! My fiance then said, "Well, he doesn't want to go home. He wants to stay all of June."

After a heated argument, I walked out and went to work in a huff. He says this is his child, and he is part of him, and he should be allowed to be with us. I understand that, and I have been very, very accomodating; however, I am upset about the following:
1. The child makes the rules. My fiance would NEVER allow my kids to do that. He even says, "Who is driving this train?" when my kids do similar things. And yet, when his child do, he is simply "part of me" and "has the right to be here."

2. My fiance is self employed as a contractor. Because I am working through July 3rd, he is taking the kid to work every single day. I think taking him along now and again is a treat; doing it everyday is unprofessional and is not good for his business.

3. He has not been paid for several jobs. People have ho hummed around. Those who are self employed will understand what I mean. There are cash flow issues at time. Therefore, I am currently paying ALL the bills and have had to keep my kids from doing some things they wanted to do because money is tight. And now, we are paying support to his ex and feeding the child a whole extra month, too. I have NEVER balked at paying support and believe he should do this. I have NEVER said this about the month of July. I plan on that. But I guess I'm having some issues with resentment over denying my kids things and then having the child come.

4. My fiance's ex married a very wealthy man. Because my fiance's oldest son is grown and gone, this child is for the most part an only child living in a brand new mansion with every amenity a kid could want. He owns a wet suit (in Iowa) so he doesn't get cold on his jet ski. He is spoiled rotten. He won't eat mac and cheese. It has to be macaroni cooked with cheese sauce made - homemade. He hates bologne and hot dogs. He wants steak and he wants to eat out. He does not understand that we are a family of six (seven with him) living on 34,000 a year!! When he doesn't like what we have to eat, he calls his mother at work and has her pick him up and take him out lunch. This makes the other four kids NUTS! They don't think it's fair, and the child tends to rub their nose in it. He also makes comments like, "Gosh, I'm glad my mom doesn't make me wear jeans from Old Navy. How embarrassing." He won't wear anything that doesn't come from Abercrombie and Fitch.

5. He won't do chores. When chore time rolls around, he calls his mom to come get him. My fiance talks to him about this, but it never changes. He says, "Okay, okay, okay." And then leaves again the next time. My ex feels he has had these materialistic qualities so engrained in him that he will never change. I say that means we have to work even harder to show him a different way and teach him humility, but I think my fiance just doesn't want to fight that battle.

6. I end up feeling like a prisoner in my own house (which I have paid for all on my own. He has never made one payment or helped with a payment - even after he moved in.) My rules don't matter. The adults are no longer in control.

Am I horrible to be this upset?? I have seen a counselor. He said we were right not to send the child home when he "surprised" us on Sunday, but that from here forward, when he calls and proposes something, no matter what it is, that we say, "Well, I will call your mother and we will discuss it." The counselor said when the child calls and my fiance presents to me what he wants, I should say, "Do you want to call his mother, or should I?"

I tried that, but it doesn't work. He calls her, and then the kid just changes him mind later and calls her on his cell phone and tells her he's changed his plans. Then he tells us, I called my mom and she says I can stay.

What do I do? Seriously, I feel horrible for being mad but I can't take this anymore.