I think you should take the weekend off from DH,BM,and SS and take some time for yourself. If your DH doesn't understand that is just too damn bad. After explaining your situation, I would hope that he would understand.

(((((Cyber Hugs)))))))
I know there is nothing that I can say to make you feel better right now.....but know that we're all here for you.....

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I am in the exact same situation. BM seems to be able to get pregant at the drop of a hat. Also 4 children with 4 different men. When my DH maried her she convinced him to have a vacectomy right after their child was born because she didn't want any more children. That was child number 3 for her. Then after splitting with DH she got pregant right away with her current husband's child.
In early March my DH had a reversal but we found out about 2 months ago that it didn't work. I want a baby so bad and our only option now is IVF which isn't a guarantee and is very expensive. I cried for a week after finding out and then went into a depression for about 2 weeks. I am still having a hard time dealing with my SD who I adore, but she is a reminder of what I may never have.
The only advice I can give you is talk to your DH and tell him before the weekend. I didn't talk to DH about how I was feeling for about a week after and it did nothing for me or him. I am starting to learn that if I don't tell him what is going on or how I feel, I can't expect to get the results I want and I just end up getting angrier.

That's terrible.

I'd tell DH everything and see what he can do. Even if he can't change the situation now maybe it will make him think twice in the future about changing things without speaking to you first.

I'm so sorry about your pregnancy and I hope you find peace soon. We all deserve peace in our lives.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. 3 weeks ago yesterday I had to have the D&C, as I miscarried after being 8 weeks pregnant. I too feel frustrated and sad all the time. It does start to get easier (I am crying less and less as the days pass) My frustration lies in that my DH's ex can get pregnant from looking at a pen*s. She trapped my DH into marriage by getting pregnant w/the twins when they had been dating only 6 mths.. she left him about a yr and a half after the kids were born... has since remarried and had another baby w/that man like right off the starting line.

I recently, as Saturday, told my DH that I am mad that I had the miscarriage as we have been planning this pregnancy for years (waited for better timing w/his job) and it was hard for us to get pregnant, took almost a whole year, then to miscarry... when he never wanted to marry his ex, let alone have kids w/that walking mess... why couldnt SHE have been the one to miscarry.. I know this sounds horrible.. and this is my first time posting. My skids are a nightmare, and switch who gets to be the bad cop and who gets to be the good cop. Most of what I read on this site I can totally relate too..

I just dont get how such horrible people have no problems getting pregnant.. and then women who want children and to raise them nice and healthy have a hard time w/pregnancy..

ITS JUST NOT FAIR!!!

I was told back in 1987 that I would never have any more children. I only had one and the thought of no more killed me. So I went to a couple more doctors and researched my condition and everything pointed to no more children. I was devastated! There was only one thing left to do I PRAYED AND STOOD ON MY FAITH. The bible passage that says women should go forth and bear children. I then found a doctor that said that I would need surgery(a minor proceedure) just for diagnosis to start fertility proceedings. I took that to GOD. I didn't believe for one second that the passage in the bible said that damaging my body to do his words was part of the deal. I set up the appt for the surgery to go there and find that I was 1 month pregnant! Since then I have had 7 children and only one miscarriage. The only complications through any of the pregnancies was diabetes and my children are all normal, healthy, decent, intelligent, kids. I ALWAYS believe that GOD can fix anything if it is his will! In your situation, focus on you and the baby, the two of you come first.
If you are a christian stand on GODS word and ask him to do his will and guide you. You will know what choices to make. Something will happen that will direct you. Whether it is a feeling, decision, or outward sign, he will show you the way.
It also helps to put the situation with the DH and BM in his hands. He will believe it or not back that off or show you how to handle it easier. Ask him for guidance, comfort, strength, and health. Whatever you feel you need from him at this very stressful time.
Keep us posted.
I am worried about you but I will also have faith that you will make it through this good and it will hopefully strenghten your relationship.
GOD BLESS !
Lisa Dawn

Forgot to post. I told DH flat out that I didnt want his kids around the weekend that we found out that I needed surgery and the weekend after the surgery.. I was having a hard time keeping myself together and working, never mind having my downtime occupied by "surviving" the weekend w/his kids.. Because more often then not, I feel I am just trying to survive the weekend, til they go home to their manipulative mother.

As far as the surgery goes. Tell them you want the pain killers for afterwards, my dr sent me home w/none.. and I was exceeding the daily suggested advil intact for 5 days in a row before the cramping subsided. I opted for the surgery because I was told that I would get to start trying again that much sooner, and that waiting to miscarry naturally could take a long time... and be more painful then the surgery. I was fully sedated and dont remember a thing. If you have ANY questions about this process or need someone in a similar situation to talk to.. I am here and know EXACTLY what you are going through.

I lost a baby & my right tube in 2006. I was told by one Dr that I would never get pregnant on my own again because of my FHA levels ect... Well I did one round of Clomid & got pregnant the first time. I have the most beautiful baby boy.

When I was trying I thought I would die if I couldn't have a baby, I was so depressed I could barely function. Get a second opinion before you do anything. If I had listened to the first DR I wouldn't have my son. I saw the Dr who did my emergency surgery & he gave me the fertility drug the first wouldn't.

Men don't get it because it isn't happening to them. DH grieved, but it was nothing like it was for me. I still get emotional & could honestly cry as I type. I will always grieve for that poor baby that lived 10 1/2 weeks in my tube. I saw his heart beat at my botched OB appointment 3 days before he died.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Please get a scond opinion.

I agree with sweetthing.. I dont think its as real to men as it is to the women carrying the baby. I even had a counselor from my fertility clinic tell me that exact thing. It becomes more real to the men once the baby is born.. while for women its real from the minute you find out you are pregnant.

Despite only happening 3 weeks ago.. I still can not believe that I am NO LONGER pregnant.. even though I wasnt pregnant for long... if that makes any sense at all.

After the baby was born. He was 31/2 weeks early so it was a surprise. I had my tube tied while they were doing the emergency c section becasue I am 39 & we can't afford to have any more. As exhausting as the last few months have been & as miserable as my pregnancy was, I feel bad that I will never be pregnant again.

My mom lost her 4th child on her 19th wedding anniversary, I lost my baby 20 years to the day on their 39th anniversary. My mom says that pain never goes away, it gets better, but it always hurt. Kind of funny my sister wanted to have a party for the 40th & I didn't ( I would have done all the work as she live accross the country) because it was to me the 1 year anniversary for my baby. My mother didn't want to either because she now morns the death of her grandchild & her last child on that day. ( Besides it is a miracle that my parents made it this long. They should have divorced 30 years ago LOL )

My ex wife got pregnant when we were livng in St Louis. That was about 1993. That year there were over 600 murders; about 60 some days of 100+ temperatures; the floods; four or five young girls were kidnapped and murdered; her car was keyed twice in one week; a store right down from the clinic she was working for had one of the workers killed during a robbery in broad daylight.

We would have been about 28 years old.

I still remember driving back and I got a page (remember pagers) from my office to call home. Tami was ill and had been to the doctor for a check up at the end of the first trimester. The previous night she had bought a stuffed baby harp seal. The first trimester was the "safety point" if we reached that everthing would be okay. Least that was what we thought and had been told.

I walked into the apartment and saw her laying on the couch crying and sobbing. She had had a miscarriage. The next day I took her to St Luke's hospital for a DNC. All I could do was be there for her and tell her that I loved her.

We both went down to my parents for a week -- she is close to her parent's but she felt that she might relax better at my parents home. I remember how crushed and devastated we all were -- the shattered look on my wife's face when I walked in the door will be something that always haunts my dreams.

We spent time with family and time did heal a lot of wounds.

Later that year, she told me that she had to move out of St Louis. It was one of the roughest years in St Louis that I can remember. I worked and managed to get finagle a job that was closer to her parents -- but I took a $10,000 a year paycut.

Many times when a couple has a miscarriage it causes very, very deep scars to the relationship. Yes, we later had our beautiful wonderful daughter. Many times I think that had I not tried to be the "shining white knight" and encouraged us to go to counseling instead of trying to solve her dilemma of not liking St Louis anymore we might still be married today. I used to say that the miscarriage was a big factor in our divorce, we were never able to put things together the way they were after that. Statistically its true a lot of marriages/relationships break up after that but many become stronger.

I always said I couldn't curse God, because I wasn't raised that way, but I hurt a lot. No, the child was not growing in my body, but I could see my wifes body and soul glowing from within from the child that was ours. I loved her and thought her being pregnant was the most beautiful sight I would ever see in my life.

She hurt. I hurt. Her parents and my parents hurt.

It was a private time we needed to heal -- it wasn't that she didn't love her mother and father, she just felt like she could deal with it better at my parents house. We did spend time with her parents but all of us were in shock. The two of you may need time for yourself.

It may be easy to downplay how hurt you are, but if your husband was like me he is hurting too. Perhaps he doesn't know what to say or how to say it -- I know I didn't. I will never be able to forget coming home and seeing Tami curled up on the couch holding that stuffed baby seal and knowing that nothing I could do would make her tears go away.

Time did allow us though to have a wonderful, beautiful child who both of us call a blessing.

No, life is not fair. Yet, even a dark thunderstorm has a beautiful rainbow. Wait for the rainbow.

Kevin

I have never been through what you are going through, but let me tell you a story. My aunt got pregnant with her 2nd child. She, my uncle and little cousin were very excited. He was old enough to understand a few things. I think he was about 6 or maybe 7. Anyway, she lost the baby. I remember her explaning it to him that the baby was sick and that God had to take him back and get him well and that when he was better, God would bring him back. And He did. I just think that is such a wonderful and simple way to explain things. It made him understand and I think it helped her deal with it as well. I hope you will find peace within about this and make the decision that is right for you. And I do believe as well, you have to leave your trials and tribulations in God's hands. He will giude you and help you make the right decision. You will certainly be in my prayers. God Bless!

I never questioned my ex wifes decision to have a DNC. Yes, a part of me was praying the doctors were wrong, but I trusted and loved her. I do remember a couple of years later a friend of mine (who was quite religious) was telling me that Planned Parenthood was teaching sex ed in the local school district. He was "preaching" to me that abortion was wrong.

My mind went to the image of my wife hurting and I told him right then and there that I didn't have the equipment to have a child so I couldn't form an opinion about abortion. This guy had been the best man at my wedding and his religious beliefs were very, very strong. His and my friendship withered and eventually went away because I couldn't agree with him that abortion was wrong.

Whenever I hear about abortion I just remember Tami's face. I still feel the same way. Abortion is a decision that only the two people can make (or the woman) based on those particular circumstances. I just pray I will never have to be in that place again either as a father or (potential) grandfather but I hope I will respond with love, care, respect and understanding for the circumstances.

Kevin

I get what you are going through. I didn't meet my husband until I was in my late 30's well past the point where I thought I would find happiness in a marriage and a family of my own. For the longest time after I met my husband (great surprise) I resented my husband's ex because I felt she stole those kids from him. I know that might sound strange and ridiculous but I know he was a young single man with no intentions of marrying or having children when she got pregnant.

I have a daughter now with my husband and she is beautiful but I grew up believing that only children were short changed in life so I have always hoped to have another. Over the past 8 months I have had two miscarriges. They were gruesome and painful and I don't think I will ever be the same again. The last one, I was 3 months along and I was visiting my parents at a friend of theirs vacation home with my step son and husband. I felt so alone. I passed the "baby" in the toilet with my two year old crying wondering why I was bleeding so much. I fished the little baby out, not wanting to flush it down the toilet. I couldn't bare it. I've saved it, freezed it and am still waiting for an opportunity to bury it. I don't mean to be so grafic and freak anyone out. I'm just explaining the sorrow and its significance.

The next few days were horrid, and I lost it one night. That was the last time my step son talked to me. This happened in August. How could he understand my pain, my loss. He asked later if that baby would have been my daughters real sibling. He is so attached from me.

If I could have orchestrated things. I would have been alone with my husband in a safe place and my daughter would have been safe with a relative. She still says "the baby's dead. All gone"

To further empathize. The night I had it, my husband and I had a disagreement and we slept in separate rooms. In the middle of the night, I felt contractions like birth. It was painful and the vicadin prescribed did nothing.

So. Please know, you are not alone. I understand your pain and I am so sorry. I also know that we are strong as women and you will be able to overcome this.

I am right there for you girl.

Kathleen

If you have had all of these doctors tell you that carrying this one to term will not work, and it will ruin your chances of future children, it seems you have got to do it, dear. My God, I cannot imagine how hard it must be to make that decision, but when you make your uterus healthy, it will be better equipped to give you ALL of the children you are meant to have. It will happen for you when it is meant to be. I know that is small consolation for you, and I truly wish your DH was being more supportive about this. He is probably just finding it difficult to deal with himself, and being a man, he is in denial about what has to happen. If indeed your SS comes this weekend, go away to a friend's house, or close relative's, or even a hotel and regroup. Do whatever it is you do to gather your spiritual self, whether that be pray, meditate, whatever. I had miscarriage after miscarriage for several years, and was so terrified that I would never carry to term. Years later, I have had two successful pregnancies that had you asked me at the time of any of the miscarriages, I would have told you could not have happened.

Hang in there, keep us posted, and know we are here for you.

You have to do what you have to do. I would if there is a possibility you could still have a child. But I am sorry you have to go thru this pain and will pray for a quick recovery for you.

Most Evil

Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. John Keats

I too am so sorry you have to go through this. You have to do what is in your best interest and what's best for your health. I will pray for you!

I am sorry it has come to this for you and I am glad you and DH talked and are working together, that helps a lot. I will be praying here for quick and full recovery for you.((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))
Lisa Dawn