baby's due date lands on BM's weekend
So it seems that our baby's due date lands on BM's weekend. So my question is do we send SS down knowing we might not be able to pick him up if we go into labor or do we skip visitations that weekend?
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Is there someone else
Is there someone else avaliable to pick SS up if you do go into labor. I don't know what your BM is like but my skids BM wouldn't give a shit what was going on she expects the skids to come on there rostered weekend even if we were dying. If you guys have a good relationship with the BM then maybe it would be better if he stayed with his mother that weekend.
What does your DH think?
Why don't you just call the
Why don't you just call the BM and try to make alternative arrangements? You don't really have a "right" to "skip visitation".
You can skip the visit for this
you are having a baby! No one is going to fault you, if BM doesn't like it too bad.
The due date is just a guess remember. You may go into labor 2 weeks late or 2 weeks early.
My SDs BM was reasonable for my first sons birth. She asked what the due date was and told us to call her if we had SD when labor started she would come pick her up at our home or at the hospital. BM lives inbetween the us and the hospital. And now that I am having another baby in 7 wks she will do the same. And BM is due with her baby a month after me and we extend the same to her.
I don't know how reasonable your Skids BM is but have your H ask her, you might be surprise. A babys birth is just not something you can plan.
I think it depends on your relationship with BM
Would she be willing to watch SS for a few extra days while you get the baby settled in? Or if you and your DH aren't comfortable with that, or if she only wants to take SS during her scheduled weekend, is there a mutual acquaintance who would be willing to pick up SS from BM's when her time with him is over and watch him for a few days, i.e. your in-laws, or someone that both DH and BM know and that SS feels comfortable with? Before you skip sending SS to see BM for his visitation, I suggest that (if possible) your DH talk with BM first, let her know the situation, see what she says and if she'd be able to watch SS for extra days, and find out if she's ok with him not coming that weekend and you could have your in-laws or family friends watch him. Or contact your lawyer if BM and DH don't speak, and see what he/she says about SS's not going to his BM's. I suggest this just so you can know what your legal options are and BM can't take you to court.
Only an opinion
OK, I know some people may think this comment is selfish and I fully understand that, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway.
If this is your first child, send him to his mother! You DESERVE to have this moment in your life to be special without having to worry about someone else's child.
My husband and I are trying to have a baby (I have none of my own) and when/if the day comes that I get to bring a baby into the world, his three kids are not going to be there to horn in on that moment.
I don't think it sounds selfish
The fact of the matter is that the mom and baby need to get to know each other and have bonding time without the interruption (even unintentional interruption) of others over the period of, say, a week. During that week the SS could get to spend some extra quality time with his grandparents, BM, aunts, uncles & cousins, or family friends while his SM bonds with the baby. When DH and I were expecting, our plan was to send OSD (oldest SD) to his parents and YSD to his brother's and sister-in-law's, because they have a daughter she is close in age and good friends with. That way YSD (youngest SD) could get some alone time with her cousin in the form of playing and OSD could get to bond with her grandparents. I think that if we had been able to let the SDs know where they'd be staying and pose it as "you'll be getting to spend quality time with your family that you love so much," they would have been excited, even if they said things that sounded like they could come from their BM's mouth. Maybe you and your DH could do the same for your skids when you have your baby, because I know a lot of times most skids indicate that with the arrival of a new baby, they feel left out. Maybe doing so would alleviate some of those feelings for them.
I felt the same way with
my first son. And now that we are having a second I still feel this way, it was best to have a couple weeks to settle into your new family. BM did drop off SD at our house the day we came home so she could meet her brother but then picked her back up a couple of hours later (per my Hs request).
We are expecting in early
We are expecting in early May. We know that the baby could come anywhere from 3 weeks early to 2 weeks late.. that said, We are not sure how to book our "EOW" visitation w/my skids. We dont want to block out the entire time, including the 2 full weeks after birth that my dh PROMISED that we could be skid free for..
I guess he could tell the bm that we will TENTATIVELY pick them up xyz dates, unless we give birth, then it would change. The birthing class that we went to this weekend said that visits w/people that dont live in the home should be limited too 20 mins, UNLESS they are there to help.. and by help, the instructor said, they are cooking, or cleaning or taking care of the baby so that you can get rest. That you should not have to entertain or take care of your visitor's needs.. so sounds like she means the skids. They dont live there.. they dont help, and they like to be continually entertained.
It depends
Does SS live with you? If so I would leave it up to BM. First of all babies will come when they want, not necessarily on the due date so you have to plan ahead just in case. I would tell her that if baby comes on SS's scheduled weekend with her that it would be her responsibility to pick and drop off ss if she wanted- otherwise she would lose her weekend. Make sure she knows that the baby is your priority and you and DH will no be worring about SS going to see her. Then I would plan on having a friend or relative take care of SS. If he doesn't live with you I would just skip visitation totally. My son was 7 weeks early and we didn't really have a plan with SD. We did get lucky and he was born on a Tuesday, but wish we would have done things a little differently. I got discharged on Saturday and we did have SD that weekend. Looking back I will not do it again that SD was there when we went home. I was a mess and it should have been a time for just my husband and I. Our son had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks and I was devistated that we weren't taking him home. I was so depressed and the last thing I wanted to see was SD. If I had taken him home, I think I would still want that time alone to bond as a new family. Just make plans ahead of time for different scenarios.
It's my first
and SS lives with us so I'm thinking that we'll give BM the choice of taking SS for the weekend but letting her know if the baby comes we will not be able to get SS. Last night she got mad at DH because she thinks if the baby comes during the week that SS will miss school.
This is the same woman who when she had SS full-time had him miss so much school because she couldn't walk him to the bus stop that the school almost held him back.
More then likely we'll have to have the lawyer draw something up and put it in the court paperworks so when the baby comes BM can't try to throw a fit.
ok
I didn't know you had SS full time, it is rare for fathers. I just assume EOW. So if I were you I would start asking people NOW to care for him, take him to school etc. Your brother may be a good choice, again it isn't up to BM its up to you.
Call me crazy
but I love my SS and if H and I were to have a baby I would want SS to be there when the baby is born. I have no children of my own but SS is just as good as mine as I have been with him since he was 2 1/2 yr old and he now 8. I would not have it any other way. I would be worried that BM would try to keep him from being there. But we all have different relationships with our skids and if you do not want him there that is your right and as a previous person said no one can be mad if you miss that weekend cause you are in labor...BM can get over it.
I don't mind having SS
there after the baby is born but honestly who knows how long labor is going to be so during that time I think it's best that SS not be there. SS lives with us full-time so he'll see the baby everyday.
BM's being horrible about it, states that she wants SS for her weekend even if we go into labor. Fine by me, my mother has offered to drop SS off and meet us at the hosiptal if that's what it takes. We have however told BM that we won't be picking him up from his visitation if we are in labor and SS is with her. She's pretty pissed but our lawyer is drawing up the paperwork and filling it in court so she can't do anything.
How sad is it that we actually have to file our baby's due date and our ability for pick-ups and drop offs during that time with the court.
may i ask why?
from what ive always understood, visitation cant be enforced unless its the CP not allowing the NCP his/her court ordered time. so why is she mad u may not be able to pick him up and why does this have to be filed w the courts?
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
The problem we are having is
that we have SS full-time so if she decided to take SS on her weekend and say we went into labor a few hours before we needed to go pick SS up from his weekend with BM we wouldn't be able to do so. BM is such a pain that she won't alow anyone but DH to pick up or drop off SS.
So we are filing with the courts that if BM decides she wants to keep her visitation with SS on her weekend and we go into labor before being able to pick-up SS that she is stuck with him until we can.