I am worried this will never end
Today we found out that not only are future inlaws watching the kids Fri while they are out of school, they are picking them up from school tomorrow and keeping them through the weekend. Looks like they lied about the time they will get. So they took 7 hours from fiance (actual time when he was home on the weekend)
and they are getting the kids for the entire weekend this weekend too.
i think I forgot to mention in the last vent that they live 5 miles from us and the ex lives 50. the kids are sure to wonder why they won't be seeing us all weekend and/or why mommy just didn't let them stay at daddy's. i am starting to hate his parents.
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clarification
fince and ex share 50/50 custody - she is giving her custody time to fiance's parents - her ex-in-laws. fiances parents have no legal custody or visitation, just general grandparent time when he needs a babysitter or they haven't seen the kids in a week or so.
fiance is nice enough to let his parents see the kids because they complain to everyone that will listen that "he never lets us see the children" (total lie) we have documented the time they spend w/ his parents when we found out that they were telling people that he refuses to let them see the kids.
they now ask her for time during her parenting time which she gives them because she doesn't want to deal with the kids, plus his parents spend $$$ buying the kids clothes etc.
the frustration is that his parents see nothing wrong with lying about his refusing them time with the kids and they go behind his back to get time - i.e. he let them see the kids last weekend during his time. they already knew they would have the kids all weekend this weekend (on the kids BM time) but they offered a sob story about being out of town for 3 mos so he felt bad and let them have some time. Now we find out that they were only being manipulative to get as much time this week as possible. the other frustration is that his ex is stirring up problems between us and his parents by offering them babysitting time instead of him. she can do this legally but has only started doing so after he asked her not to discuss court stuff with them.
it's just a huge mess. it sucks to see him so upset and mad
that was probably really confusing. sorry.
What about first rights of
What about first rights of refusal? In dh decree it states that if either parent isn't able to care for the child at a given time, the other parent has first rights to the extra time with the child. The only issue with that is, bm could use it against you if DH has to work when you have the kids.
I know how you feel about the whole inlaw situation, when I first moved here to be with DH, his parents didn't want me to keep SS. They wanted to keep him. Dh stood his ground and told them that he felt SS and I should have this time to bond.His Dad called BM and it basically ended up with DH and BM having a huge argument when we went to pick up SS. We remained estranged from his family for a year, and the trust was broken. We still watch what we say to his family concerning BM's antics.
What would his parents do if you guys just showed up at their house? I am not suggesting doing this, I am just curious how they would react. I think it is absurd that they expect DH to give up some of his time so they can visit, but then they don't extend him the same courtesy. Since they are accusing you of not letting them see the children, and BM seems to be all for giving them extra time,maybe you should just restrict the amount of "your" time they get with the kids. Of course if you guys are going back to court, you might want to keep them on your good side, if BM refuses to give them extra time, they might get mad and give up some dirt on her. It really is a whacked out situation, no wonder your DH is hurt and feeling betrayed.
**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**
they went to mediation and
they went to mediation and agreed that grand parents are exempt from first right of refusal. i put in my $.02 that this was a bad idea - that she would find a way to never let him "babysit" - now it is coming back to bite us on the ass. i'm hoping that in the future he will listen, as i have "called" numerous things like this in the past year.
it's very frustrating knowing we are sitting home doing nothing and his parents are 5 miles away with the kids. he's sad and not in the best mood.
It is crazy that his parents
It is crazy that his parents would treat him this way.They should be presenting a united family front, for these kids. It is ridiculous, greedy, and downright mean for them to treat their own child this way. I understand them wanting extra time with the grands but I don't see how you and dh would interfere with their extra time. DH will hopefully listen the next time you make a suggestion. I bet his parents were kissing up around the time they went to court. The BM and your inlaws sound like they are only thinking of their wants, instead of the children's feelings. Hope things get better
**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**
I have the Same Thing!!
I can't believe it!! This actually sent me into counseling because between the crazy Bm and then this I couldn't handle much more and felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
My DH has stood up for me so much that he hasn't talked to his family in months now.
His mother started pulling that crap.
You know the funny thing for me was that she would bad mouth the BM no matter if SD (7) was in the room or not. She just made up a sudo name for her but hater her so much then all of a sudden she didn't get her way one day and started contacting the BM directly and going against my DH's wishes.
Then my DH's brother got just as involved when he had kicked the BM out of his home in the past.
They are now as of this week trying to contact DH to "talk this out".
Amazing that it is holiday season time. They just want to see the baby. (DH and I have a baby together and he adopted my older 2)
I don't know that I will ever forgive them. They said that my older children were not their relations really because they weren't blood and to me an adopted child is even more special because you pick them specifically.
I would stand your ground and just keep your kids on your time. If the BM wants to give up her time let her. In time this will get old for her when she realizes that she isn't getting a reaction out of your home.