You should keep in mind one thing here.. someone WAS listening.. her mom. This is classic behavior... tell dad what he wants to hear, tell mom what she wants to hear.. or worse.. always make it out like you have more fun with one parent than the other. And the biggest rule.. never EVER.. EVER like the step parent.. at least not when Mom's around.

I would NOT take this personally.. I wouldn't change your plans or change how you act around her. Life is what it is, and if she's serious about the way she feels, she's going to have to wake up and deal sooner or later. You are in her life.. you are in her father's life. And if you need him every now and then to deal with YOUR stuff while she's around.. that's just life. In an intact family, husbands and wives don't ignore each other's needs just because the kids are around, and you and your husband shouldn't treat her any differently just because she's part of a different kind of family. That isn't how family's work.. it isn't how husbands and wives work and it's certainly NOT the lesson you want to teach her.

Take a deep breath.. recognize she's 14 and not a reasonable/responsible adult.. and move on. You aren't doing anything wrong!

Stepup

NCP should have rights too!
Children will tend to tell each parent what they think the other wants to hear because they dont want to hurt that parent, they fill like they are in the middle and to continue to be loved they have to be in agreement with how each parent feels. However, at 14, girls especially can feel one way one second and feel another the next...I am a biomom to a now 18 yo daughter and believe me when I say these are the most trying years for them( and us )...yes, they especially need dad's attention right now,even more when there has been a divorce..this is the time when dad helps her to feel loved and accepted and shows her what kind of man she desearves in her life in the future..that she doesnt have to start jumping in bed with boys to get the attention she doesnt feel she is getting from dad...( Im not saying your husband doesnt give sd attention, Im just saying at this age daughters are very confused about themselves, life ,love and are extremely needy) The worst thing YOU can do is to step out of the picture though...you and dh are now capable of showing sd what a healthy relationship is about( and what she learns now,will affect her decisions in her own love life later) My advise would be to just let her know on your own here and there that dad talks about her all the time, worries about her(because she is growing into a beautiful young woman so quickly) misses her when she is away...and that YOU love the way her dad loves her...makes you feel so good that they have a good relationship, that YOU want them to always have a good relationship...ect...promote yourself with sd by promoting her need for her dad and his need for her in his life and your willingness and desire for both. Let dad do the rest, showing her the love, patience and guidance she needs from a father, while showing her how he and you love each other and work TOGETHER for the best of everyone in your family...but dont back away because of hurtful words or actions,( because you WILL get alot of these..) agian this is the time that she is searching for herself, trying to find where she belongs..its not easy( for anyone involved)...and you should commend yourself for the willingness you have to step up to the job of stepparenting a teenage girl... getting through the 14-18 years with a daughter is one of the toughest jobs you will ever have..bio or stepmom..there is so much drama during these years. Be prepared by knowing that during these years everything IS about THEM..in their eyes...good luck!!!! If I can ever help, send me a message.

I have experienced this too, but more in action not words. She feels threatened by your relationship with her dad. You could be doing everything right, per say, and she may feel like you have replaced her in a way. How long have you and Dh been a couple and how long were the kids living solo with their dad? know my sd likes to do little "tricks " to prove to herself she is still #1. I have even talked to her about this and assured her that his love for her is not going to change etc... I agree, don't take it personally, sh eis feeling a bit threatened and insecure. She probably still likes you, but she also has to feel like she is not being disloyal to her mom.

Georgie

will come over to the couch if we are sitting next to each other watching TV and sit on his lap and rub his knee or his face..so you can tell there is jealousy there, and I'm absolutely sure she would prefer that she had him all weekend long by herself. We do not live together and I do not stay over if she is there, so she does have time with him alone. He has her every weekend except 1 a month. I think it is just natural for a girl around those teenage years to be jealous of another woman in their dad's life. In my case BF has had his daughter every weekend for 4 years prior to my coming into the picture and now he gets 1 weekend without her a month. So she got use to being daddy's little girl.

On another note, but interesting..I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago, and the grooms (in his late 50's) daughter (approaching 30) got up with a toast and started whining about how she has been her daddy's little girl all her life (mom and dad divorced when she was pretty young I think) and "this is so hard for me"...kept repeating that montra over and over, how she never thought in all her life he would get married again, how he's changed..etc. She never got to "but I'm so happy for him". Finally someone in the audience started clapping to cut her off because she was headed no where. My BF looked at me and said ... oh no..you mean they don't ever grow out of this. I said well look what can happens if you keep enabling them all their lives.

My BF keeps saying that next year things will be different, because his daughter will be 13 and she will probably be more into socializing with her friends. Well, that true, the socializing part, but I don't think things will change all that much as far as her accepting me and not wanting him to herself. Face it...kids are kids..and they are selfish. He keeps saying "but she should be happy for me that I have someone in my life and I'm happy". I'm sure she thinks she can make him happy all by herself.

to be with her dad. Maybe a father daughter day every now and then. But do be carefull. There is a level of balance you have to carefully maintain. You two still have to present a united front and not let her wedge her way in between you.