You will find the courage and strength to be all those things up there. You have found the strength so far.. Besides you do not have to always be the strong one.. You are allowed to be weak. Especially now. You will find a way to go on and it will come thru the strengths of family and friends.. Its ok to break down. Its ok to be scared.. Let someone else be strong for awhile.. We love you we will help you be strong..
Sit down take a deep breath and thank god that you are here.. today tomorrow and everyday. It will all be ok..
Smile.....(or try)

and you will be ok. You have already been given some good advice here and the most important is ..take each day as it comes. One day at a time. It's overwhelming to look at the big picture and all the "what ifs". I think you are afraid of the chemo because it IS the unknown. Once you have your first treatment, I'm sure you won't be so afraid anymore. Anyone of us in your position would be scared shitless. Its ok to be scared and its ok to let others take care of you for a change. You can't be everything for everyone at this time and that is OK. I find that when I am scared or upset, it helps to journal. Just pick up a sprial notebook and write your feelings down everyday. Whether you are happy, sad, scared, hopeful, discouraged...write it all down. It helps to get all the negative and scary feelings out of our body. Sometimes it helps to go back and read what you write periodically too. You will be amazed to see how far you have come even after just a week. It is also something that your children may enjoy reading when they are much older, when they can understand what you were going through at this time. I pray for you and know that you will get through this. If God leads you TO it, he will lead you through it. Chin up !! You have come so far already !!!

God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Don't worry about being a wife, mom, friend, etc. Worry only about YOU and using all of your energy towards getting well. This is not selfish, it is necessary. Your loved ones will pick up your slack and everyone will be understanding. And if they are not understanding, screw 'em! Maintaining a positive attitude is so important. Focus on just one thing at a time, if possible, to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Know that you are loved and supported, that many people are thinking of you and praying for your recovery. And if you want to have a pity party for yourself, then by all means do so. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel, because letting it out means it's no longer in there hurting you. My mom is a seven-year breast cancer survivor and it was a long, hard struggle, but she has a good life now and so will you. I still remember the funniest thing about her experience was that she ended up with the kind of chemo that makes you fatter, not skinnier and she complained to her doctor that she was hoping to at least come out of the cancer thing with a boob job and a nicer body! Alas, it was not to be! Try to find the humor in small things, it really is the best medicine.

~ Anne ~

You know. SO what if you don't clean the house, plan the meal, shop for the groceries..put on the Thanksgiving turkey. IT's your turn to have all that done for you......and if they can't (can't cook/aren't organized/not used to it)......You all can go out somewhere for a really nice spread!!! Don't sweat it. The world won't end if you don't make a game or don't cook turkey on a certain day....

Don't worry about carrying on your life 'as normal' because things aren't 'normal' for you and your family right now. Don't add to your stress by trying to pretend to everybody else it is!!

The appointments are overwhelming...the anxiety of how everything is going to get done and the outcomes of the treatments...but your not superwoman. Do what you can.. IF you can't do it all...you can't!!! Just try to accept that.

I think that may be the hardest thing for you to do....to let go of things and let others take care of you. .....

....it's OK to do that ....

Take care

Take time for postive thinking and think of only getting better. Your last sentence is what will get you through this. I have come to believe that disease is nothing more than Dis Ease... Try so hard to relax, go to someone that can help you relax by self meditation.. it is so easy to do and not at all wierd ( I thought it was). It helps settle the body down so it can do what it does.. heal. the stress upsets this balance. Also be sure to step up the healthful foods and talk with your dr about supplements to help you get through the fatigue of chemo and provide fuel for your body. You can do this, right now it is all about you!!!

I am glad that you can come here and 'talk' about your fears, hopefully we can provide you with some comfort and strength.

Hugs...

You should put yourself first for a change and everything else will follow.The more that you take care of yourself now your body will recover easier.Everyone just needs to come together and pitch in to help out and if they cant understand why then explain what is going on and hand out chores for them and take care of yourself you need the love and support right now.