I don't know how to handle this anymore. I think I have disengaged as much as I possibly can. I thought it would help. I thought it might help me keep my sanity. I thought it would be better this way. In someways it has, but in other ways I'm not sure anymore. SD11 seems to be very messed up. For many years I thought it was because of her psychotic mother, but now I'm seriously thinking that SD is just messed up as a person. Someone on here told me not too long ago that a lot of personality traits are genetic. I am a firm believer in that now. SD11 seems to be just one of those miserable people in life. One of those people who are content being unhappy, but are more than willing to invite and try to force company. Like the saying "Misery loves company."
SD is mean spirited, vengeful, hateful, greedy, lazy, very manipulative, and jealous. I believe that this is just the way she is. Born that way. It's gotten to the point where I feel anxious and irritated when she is in my presence. I know this sounds awful, but it's the truth. She doesn't seem like she really wants to be happy, even when the opportunity arises for her to have fun and be happy, she seems to enjoy turning it down.

DH and I have have two children together DD7 and DS4. Our kids are so happy, playful, intelligent, and just great kids who love having fun and being kids. They're polite and show empathy and sympathy, which SD does not. I have been in SD's life since she was 3 years old. Yet, she still continues to act like I'm a stranger, just a new girlfriend. I have treated her the exact same way I have treated DD7, yet she is still the way she is. The past few months I have slowly disengaged. I tried to measure the amount of openness and closeness that SD wanted with me. I tried to get close to her and bond with her even more after DH got custody, but she doesn't want anything to do with it, so I backed off and quit trying. I used to try and ask her how her day was, just something simple to get her to speak to me, I barely got a "Fine." She will not voluntarily speak to me unless it's absolutely imperative. Ridiculous. You would think that I was evil and tortured her or something. Clearly, DD7 and DS4 are very happy children, so I cant be that terrible, right??
So, instead of trying and trying and feeling like shit, I've quit. I've disengaged. DH can handle it. DH can deal with her crappy attitude towards everything. DH can deal with her failing grades and unwillingness to do anything regarding school work or bettering herself. SD can continue to enjoy being miserable and playing the victim.

Even DH has noticed that SD11 doesn't want to interact during fun family activities. She would rather try to look miserable. DH said that SD is starting to act more and more like BM everyday. DH says that SD will make excuses for everything, from why she forgot something to "my Sax is broken! I didn't make the mistake, the Sax did it!" DH said that BM does the same thing. BM will blame everyone in the world except for herself for her problems and SD is starting to do the same. He also said that SD isn't happy unless the world is at her feet and everyone is having a pity party for her. SD seems to really be enjoying the "Pity me, I'm in counseling because I'm angry at my mom." She loves to play the 'In counseling card'

I'm tired of it. I'm tired of dealing with a crappy attitude. I'm tired of her selfishness and her weird territory problems. I'm tired of her face. I'm just tired of SD.