I handled it all wrong. I had three years of vented up anger and finally one day I blew..started with the "it's inapproapriate for Sd to call me stepmom".

I read the postings and most say always maintain your composure, don't lower yourself to their level but I did. I do have regrets on how I handled it but I am done with beating myself up over it. The ex now knows I am not the meek mild woman I have protrayed myself to be (for the sake of Sd and DH). I think the best way is to be honest throughout. I wish I had spoken up when it was warranted......like when she came after me for my money..should have told her to back off then not wait a year and a half to say something.

I wish I had found this site before all that happened. I will say though getting it off your chest does feel good. I just would handle things without the anger.

But I can honestly say I would love too. I would love to sit her down and tell her how I feel and kinda put her in her place.. I have to say though it seems my husband is putting her there now. I had some chest pains over the weekend (last) and this week. We were in the ER and they thought I had a blood clot and all that a bad heart.. I am 31 so we were both freaking. Well turns out my ticker is great, but we have no clue what is causing chest pains now. SO its hit or miss. My Dr. thinks its stress which is due to his ex and mine pretty much because I am a pretty happy person, anyways she called and told him that she was not going to bring his daughter over (which is the agreement 1 picks up and the other drops off) or vice versa.. Anyways she told him she does all the driving all the time when Hayley is with her and he finally said you know what that is not my problem teh agreement is this and if you do not like it so what. So things I think are getting better. I think he realizes that she causes some of my stress as well and he and I say him because he usually gives in to her.. So he I think and pray is starting to understand. Anyways..

I have not. I'm afraid it would be pointless to have a conversation with her, because the only one she is concerned about is herself.

Unfortunately, the only time I’ve talked with SD6’s mom face to face about my feelings is when we’ve gone at it. Honestly, I don’t believe that it would do any good…my feelings/beliefs are based on the way I see the world and theirs are based on the way they see the world…if we were the same “type” of woman, that might be a different story…but we are not…we are 3 VERY different women…SD6’s mom is just an all around devious fruit loop…she cannot help it…her mom raised her that way! SD5’s mom is very controlling, materialistic and manipulative. She has her sweet side and I think deep down she would rather be that “sweet” person but she’s chosen to embrace the negative side of herself and doesn’t have anyone who can balance her out…her and SD5 are SO MUCH ALIKE…I see the sweet side in SD5 too and my goal is to help her tap into that part of herself…I have my faults too…I’m insecure in A LOT of ways and can also be very demanding…however my strengths are my husband’s weaknesses and vice versa and that is what helps us balance each other…wow…talk about rambling on, I’m typing wondering “what was the original topic?!” LMAO…I tend to do that a lot! Long story short (TOO LATE!!) a FACE TO FACE talk would do us no good!

Make a GREAT Day!

but not on how we feel about one another. I think it would be pointless myself b/c bm is highly insecure, and incredibly threatened by my assertiveness, and confidence. She is eager to give us compliments on our parenting, then turns around and hides ss from us...bm is a super flake.

Although with the latest switch she has asked for, this discussion might just happen. And believe me...if it happens..you WILL hear about it..

Biomom wouldn't meet with me. She has said that she is "intimidated" by me. I couldn't attend the therapy appointment concerning stepson for that reason. Uh, ok, she is like twice my size! How can I intimidate her? I guess it is just because I try to be a good stepmom to her son and she knows it. Won't admit it, but knows it!

Dawn

Our BM is highly irrational and it is quite difficult to talk to a raving lunatic. So one day, I sat down and wrote her a 7 page letter. This letter was to clear the air and let her know that I forgave her for all of the horrible things she had done and said to and about me to Skids. (To which she had no recollection of ever doing - her words not mine). Anyways, I laid it all out there. I told her how she should be thankful that her children had someone who cared enough to love and support them, rather than neglect and abuse them. I told her that she was selfish and only considered her own selfish wants and needs without ever considering what was best for the kids. I told her that she treated her children as an afterthought and it was not fair to them. I brought up how she favors SS over SD and how SD noticed and had commented on the difference. I told her about how she should make a conscious effort to put the children's needs before her own and as much as she bashed me for doing the things that she SHOULD have been doing, I made sure their needs were met before my own. I said a lot in the letter and even told her that I forgave her for the things she did to me whether she recalled them or not, but most importantly that I forgave myself for not standing up to her sooner. She tried to do better for all of two weeks and then reverted back to her old way of doing things which was to be unreasonable and uncaring. I let it go and gave it and her to God. Sometimes I do get frustrated, but no matter what I stand up for myself no matter who likes it or not. The best thing is knowing that DH always has my back. He and I against the world.

If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem.

My new StepMother's Motto:

When life gives you lemons... Make a damn good Margarita.