I know this is a question that has to have been asked before on this forum, but I can't find it right off....so hey! I'll ask (again?).

Because I do not believe children are just born bad (OK, there are a FEW exceptions, *wink*)...I wonder what makes us..."the steps"..."bad people".

What DOES make us step moms or step dads so....disposable? What makes us so "yucky", or someone not to be liked or even loved and respected? Why is our stuff up for wrecking, our hearts up for breaking?

Of course there are some who have a way better experience than my own. But there are many just like ME. We tried, we tried more, we talked, we got involved, we tried to back away to see if that helped, then got depressed and tried again, etc.

BUT WHAT MAKES THE STEP PARENT UNLIKEABLE? Unsavory?

Is it that the child built up ideas of the perfect family...the perfect life....and we "got in the way"? They are kids, ya know? I can kind of see that point becaue young ones can't see the finite details of marriage or adult relationships. ('course my sd is 16, too old for that I think?)

Is it the BM or BD? They resent the split no matter if it was for the better of everyone in the situation (even him or her?)? It can still burn, I think? I can try to see that up to a point.

Is it trauma the kid feels from the original split in his or her starter family, and that stress sticks? Because really....blended families aren't new, and it's not like the kiddos of today NEVER see that kind of thing in their classmates' families...so it is the original break of family that just gets embedded?

Here's my point: if there is a concrete reason, then there has to be a solution. Right? Or am I just a drowning woman who imagines life preservers even as she gulps the sea into her lungs?

If I can just see things how she sees things, if I can just be her for a day, if I could get into her head at all....I'd do it. Because I don't understand my SD. I love, love, love her dad. I am faithful to him. I dote on him. I keep our home and make the meals. I make sure we play unplugged games together and get out together to have fun as a family.

(I used to dote on her. But one can only be called ugly or weird or stupid or "H-E-R" so many times over 11 years. One can be ignored for only so long. One can only see their bio-sons treated like garbage for so long)

But I am a "bitch". *shrug* 2 weeks ago, SD told DH she doesn't even *want* to like me. I've been around forever, tho. WTF is going on?

DH is who I want to wake up with until I am old, and our bodies are falling apart...but it's OK because we can just laugh with and at each other.

At this point, though, I'm going to lose DH because he doesn't hear or see what she does...he won't. Maybe he can't. I dunno. Even after she admits not wanting to like me, being jealous that I am HERE and she wishes it was just THEM...hanging all over him and never letting me sit by him (and she's 16?!)...he doesn't and won't see.

I'm screwed, aren't I?
I'm going to lose.