I don't have a lot of problems "with the ex" the way most of you do. Not to say there aren't issues. But she is not intrusive, difficult to work with or anything like that. My biggest complaint/issue, although my friends and I get a big laugh, is becuase when she sends, what should be, routine e-mails about "SD got all A's, on her report card", she adds in a bunch of nonsense like "I also got a new pink rug for the bathroom, and my hair permed. We are going to play tennis this weekend and the tree in the front yard has a bird's nest and I got new shoes." I think - WTF? Shut up. hahahahaha I don't get it... So of course well all sign off our e-mails with something mundane and "out there"... I got a brown purse. Kisses.

I used to be filled with a lot of anxiety when my dh needed to talk to his ex. Part of it for me was that the ex is extremely attractive (especially in her 20's). The other part for me was that she had a special bond with my dh that I didn't have yet, and that was sharing a child.

I have now been with my dh for 8 1/2 years, and we now have a child together. Over the years, my perspective has changed. Instead of feeling like I don't really have a choice but to watch my dh talk to his ex, I look at it like this is what he needs to do to be the best father he can be for his son. It does help that the ex is incredibly stupid, and we are in constant laughter about the dumb things she does...like not show up to court when she has been served, or breaks up with her boyfriend, completely moves out, and is back with him in 48 hours...you start losing points on your appearance when you repeatedly act like a total dumbass.

There is a very simple, easy solution to all of your anxiety that flares up when he talks to her:

YOU are who he chooses to be with.

He doesn't talk to her because he wants to, he talks to her because he has to. You're not going to be able to change the fact that they have to talk to each other every now and then. They have a son. Regardless of how much you may dislike this woman or not want him talking to your man, it is going to happen. The only thing that you can do is change the way that it makes you feel. He's not talking to her to chat about life or take a walk down memory lane...he's doing it because he must.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Wow, yet another case of you girls writing exactly what I could/would have...

It drives me freakin' BATTY when she calls to talk about SS and it turns into 10 minutes about other stuff. Or when we're at tee-ball games or she picks up SS and wants to chat about bull pucky like who she saw at a football game or what her parents made for dinner or anything else. My husband's a nice guy and there's truly no reason for him to be nasty to her. She's not hard to deal with otherwise--I just hate the chattiness with MY husband (hey, I'm territorial, too!).

But, I'm really trying to be more loving about it. It occurred to me that there is some big void in her life that makes her want/need to talk about NOTHING to her ex-husband who now happens to be married to me. My husband is one of the greatest blessings and gifts God has given me. Something moved me to pray for something to fill the void in her life and for the strength and grace for myself so that I can not be jealous.

I hope I don't come off as a Bible-thumper... I'm just a small town, Catholic girl who's somewhat active in her parish and is trying to, in Mother Teresa's words, "Do small things with great love."

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I wish I had strenth in my religion to give me peace, like you do, SMIT. I'm a Catholic too. I used to read the bible alot on my own..even as a teenager..I would just pick it up and read it for hours. I haven't read much of anything in the last 15 yrs, since I got busy with my eduacation, my kids..life in general.

It's crazy i'm reading my feelings in someone elses blog, i too am guilty of getting so pissed off to the point i see red and can't hear anything but ringing in my hears when she calls. Both my BF and i know it's nothing more then ATTENTION she wants from him and it's sad, but i try and remember that they are use to being there for each and they do have a kid together.

I agree with most of you it sucks but we have to understand our feelings and laugh about it with our bf/husbands rather then get mad and have an attitude toward him cause in the end he's caught in the middle. He has to handle both of us and it has to be hard at times, but in the end he is choosing to be with you no matter what she does she knows it and it kills her inside see's your doing what she couldn't.

Try and stay strong and at lease we have this great site to help us vent and get advice from others who are going through this to.

Oh, Hopeful, your note made me kinda sad.

I hope you don't feel like you or someone you love have been excommunicated because of divorce. I hope that you (if it's you) will find a cool priest to talk to who can help you find the way "home," if that's what you want.

I only make these comments because I'm lucky enough to be in a small, inner-city parish that's a perfect blend of traditional and progressive. We have a little bit of everyone there--married, single, remarried, gay & lesbian, you name it--and it's such an open, loving community where people are encouraged and supported. I wish EVERYBODY had that kind of experience at church, whether it's a Catholic churc or anything else.

If you make her mad enough, or defend yourself against the character assassination with your own list about her faults and screw ups, she will not want to talk to you or DH. It is probably best to wait til skids are almost grown for this one, not a BM that can keep the kids from you.

"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus

i know exactly how you feel, and the feeling sucks!

I'm not so much worried about it anymore one because she is an idiot, two DH has no interest in her (not sure why he did in the first place).. But i understnad what your going through its tough to see someone you love talking with someone they used to love! Its hard, but you gotta put the kids first.