If this is a frequent occurrence, I would be tempted to call CPS and tell them to go there.. to check out the food situation.

My SD's had this situation with their mom occasionally.. she was just lazy and she and her BF ate most meals out. The girls bought lunch at school, but sometimes there was nothing at home for them.

We would occasionally send them food with them.. I know my MIL also would send them groceries.

It's a tough call.. it's hard to make ends meet. I am assuming you feel she is spending CS on stuff not for the kids though. I would definitely document the situation.. and if it gets out of hand CPS involvement or dad goes for full custody.

As far as the card... I would also agree that you would need receipts for EVERY purchase.

It's a bit touchy though, with other people in the home, the food is likely to subsidize everyone there. I might agree that custody for your DH is a better idea.

Does your SD's mother's home receive SNAP (food stamps)? If so, the times SD is calling may be the end of the cycle just before the card is refilled. Very common in homes to run low on basic supplies for making meals beginning the final week before refill.

Years gone by, the program run roughly the first of every month across the board. Now the states are on a schedule. Your state, depending on the last number of account, a home may receive their refill anywhere from the 1st through the 19th.

Food pantry get a big rush of clients when the families hit their 'going low' time. If that is what is happening in your SD's home, it may be something your DH could tactfully mention, that the family seek their local pantry. Also look for recipes that help extend foods so the budget stretches.

I'm not feeling too sorry for BM's two houseguest that work (unless they are on a disability type restriction), but BM should be able to got a box or bag of various foods and no one in the home would be going to bed on empty stomachs. Depending on which and how your local pantries are stocked , she may be able to get anything available as to hygiene products, pet food and more (it could save her a few bucks here and there as SNAP can not be used for those type of products, but many pantries go above and beyond to stock their shelves with these products through various ways).

Every nice of you to make the grocery run for your SD. I just thought I'd toss this out as someone may find it useful in emergencies in their own homes. I hate the thought of anyone going hungry.

no no no....

Dh should learn to tell his daughter sorry Hon, but ask your mother, you should do the same.... if she's with BM, it's simply ask your mother.
SD can decline invites and socializing with friends when with BM, cause she knows BM is not going to give her money or rides, she can plan these activities when with DH.

Currently you are enabling BM and SD....

How does the other people in the house eat? I can guarantee you there's food in the house, SD is just picky and stirring, there's no fun foods for her, maybe just healthy meals....

I would seriously report this to CS to investigate and not take extra food and pay extra, CS will then determine if it's true or not, and if true get custody, if not true tell SD to stop being a drama queen

I would go pick your SD up and take her out to eat or home for a meal with you and her Father, when she calls. I would not buy food for their household, because it causes conflict on their end. Is she learning to fix her own meals?

Your SD is at the age to begin teaching her about how to handle money. You and DH might discuss giving SD13 an allowance, earned of course, so she has pocket money. Depending on your situation, you can sit down with her and work up a budget and chores for her to earn an allowance; maybe a bonus for good grades, whatever. We learned quickly debit and credit cards are not a good idea with teens.

We did an allowance with my bio son when he was 16. He was given a dollar amount every week for gas and pocket money for school lunches and activities. There were lots of chores and lifestyle stipulations attached. It was only enough to cover his expenses. How he spent it was up to him, but he was allowed only a set amount; he also worked part time after school and on the weekends, when his sports schedule allowed. He was required to keep his grades up to participate in sports and keep his vehicle to drive to school. It worked well, and he learned to stretch his money to cover his activities with his friends. He even saved a portion of it.

Just a suggestion.
Good Luck

And here in lies the eternal conflict caused by a system that does not require accountability from the CP to provide a full accounting of how CS is spent while requiring the NCP to pay that CS come hell or high water. In my opinion in order to receive one penny in CS a CP should have to prove income equal or greater to what the NCP is required to pay in CS. I also believe that when a CP receives CS if that CP is not earning significantly more than they receive in CS that no one but the CP and the Skid(s) covered by the Custody/Visitation/Support order should be allowed to reside in the CP's household. No non joint children, no BFs or GFs, no trailing spouses, no one.

If the NCP is on the hook to pay... the CP should be prevented from abusing the CS and should not be allowed to spend it on anything but housing, utilities, food, and clothing for the child(ren) in question.

As I am, or more accurately was, the CSP (Custodial Step Parent) in our blended family adventure this perspective may seem strange and self defeating since my bride received CS under a CO for more than 17 years. Regardless I take issue with the sever imbalance of power and accountability the system perpetrates between the CP an NCP.

I would call CPS each and every time the Skid calls about no food in the CP household. This is not the Skid's fault and nothing is likely to improve until CPS applies a big boot to BM's butt.

Another challenge is that your SD is nearing the age when CPS will start backing out of protecting her interests. We went through a similar issue with my SIL when she was 14. My IL's home had little to no food and was not fit for human habitation. We called CPS (from out of state) to report the situation in the hope of getting SIL some help and were told "she is old enough to fend for herself and if the house is dirty she is old enough to clean it". At that point I wrote off the OR CPS organization as useless idiots.

Good luck.

I agree with the ideas of calling CPS. Also, there is a difference of "nothing to eat" and my kids "there's nothing to eat- I don't like leftover lasagna or the only other option you give me- a sandwich for dinner". I don't know the circumstances but something tells me if they are calling you for food, it is serious. Just make sure that it is truly no food vs. they don't like what they have.

Call CPS and have them do a welfare check... Can even say SD claims they have no food for her to eat.

Sounds like your Dh needs full custody if BM isn't going to be willing to feed the kid... Especially if she's getting CS, it's her responsibility to manage her household, if not to feed SD, what is she spending the money on? I worry if you give too much, then BM will keep skimping on SD because you'll just "fix it" for her.

I wouldn't do the card. If BM isn't going to bother providing and is spending CS on herself, what's to stop her from taking the card and doing the same?

This used to happen with the skids at BM's. BM was getting $700 a month in food stamps for 4 people. They would live high on the hog for the first week or two and then have NO food. It was amazing to me. I could do so much with $700 worth of food. I was budgeting $400 for 4 people full time and 3 more 50% of the time. So on average, $400 for 5.5 people per month. And we actually ate meals, not just chips and frozen food heated up in the microwave.

DH would have never given BM a penny for food, though. That was her own problem. You could tell when the kids would come to our house and eat and eat and eat and then sleep for 12 hours straight that they weren't getting fed.

How close does DH live to his daughter?

Don't take grocery bags of food (everyone of the free loaders will eat it. COME ON,,,be smart about this.

Invite SD to your house for dinner. OR call the school and put money on lunch account.

DO not take grocery bags of food to their house. God no.

DH can call the school and tell them NO extras at school cafeteria. Problem solved.

DO not give extra money to BM for food. I would call the police for welfare check. HEY my kid called me, she lives 45min away and she is telling me her mom wont feed her.

Someone is not being truthful and transparent, either sd is fibbing OR bm is not supplying food. Somewhere in the middle is the truth.

Its is worth getting to the bottom. HEY you could call the school counselor and tell them to please meet with sd to discuss. IF she is telling the counselor the same thing, the counselor must report.

NO food is neglectful.
Please keep us posted.

If BM is on foodstamps, SD should be on the free school lunch program.