Ignore the whores. Forget about having any relationship with them. They are not nice people. Just remove them from your life. Be civil if you just be around them - but forget about inviting them to your home. Don't bother with their birthdays, Christmas, etc. They have sent you a loud and clear message that you are not wanted.

If it's any consolation, I get similar treatment from my adult skids. They make a huge fuss of their father (and frequently ask him for money) but I'm just someone they say hi to when they walk in without ringing the doorbell.

DH was divorced for 12 years when we met five years ago. I've been civil and tried to be friendly and thoughtful in my actions toward his adult kids .. but it's always met with sarcasm or dismissiveness. DH thinks his kids are perfect and he doesn't see their attitude as lacking.

I have tried disengaging emotionally (meaning I try to just not give a toss what they do or say) but must admit their lack of acknowledgment of me, simply as a family member, sometimes makes me want to walk away. Why? Because their father never calls them out on their behaviour.

Example: SD gave us a photo for Xmas, one with DH and me, and each skids with their partners. Nice photo, taken at a family wedding. Last week, visiting SD's house, she had put the identical photo on her kitchen wall, but with me photoshopped out. Yes, deliberately removed me from the photo! My heart sank when I saw it. I mentioned it to DH when we came home, and he said he "hadn't noticed" the photo.

I could only think that she was trying to avoid her own mother's criticism because BM hates that her ex-husband (DH) is now happy. Maybe putting a photo of me in her house is too obvious and she fears angering her mother. In any case, I feel less than charmed by having to treat his special snowflakes as my own. And they can forget me as a babysitter when they pop out kids of their own!

The best way to cope is try to disengage in your thoughts and have a happy group of friends outside your stepfamily. Easier said than done, but hoping for acceptance as a stepparent is asking for disappointment. You are not alone,

Not sure if it's unique to the UK, but I find young adults here are two extremes. Either super caring or super selfish.

Cushtybert soon as I read you had 3 adult skids I felt sorry for you. My condolences. They know what they are doing. You need to just live your life and realize this is not you it is them. I know it is hard and you feel hurt. But they don't care, they are only thinking of them selves. My hope is your husband will watch your back and set them straight when they need it. That will make the difference.

You need to find your voice. If they are at your table for a meal, you certainly get to join in the conversation. If they talk over you, you can simply say something like, "I'm sorry, I wasn't finished with my story," and continue on enthusiastically. If they start down memory lane, you can relate a story about yourself at a similar age or similar circumstance. But do not just sit there and stew.

Easier said than done, I know. Christmas at SDs one year consisted of hours--and I mean hours--of memory lane. Even SD's husband got up and left the room. Small house, nowhere for me to go. I was patient, then irritated. That's when I tried to introduce something from MY family and childhood. Oh HELL no, that wasn't part of the script. I was literally shouted down. They were playing out the movie in their heads, and my own memories and stories were very much unwelcome.

That happened exactly once because DH, who was a very willing participant in the memory lane game and in the shouting down of anything I had to stay, and I had a come to Jesus discussion about HIS rudeness to me, and SD's attention seeking from him. His lame excuse, "she just wanted you to know more about her." Oh hahahahahahahahaha. She was in a little bubble with her father all alone there and loving it. No intrusions allowed.

DH must have said something to her about it because it hasn't happened since. And SD made a comment after that about how "Merry doesn't like to talk about the past." I responded, "SD, I don't know what you're talking about, I love history and I even minored in history in college." She had no response. What I don't like is being invisible.

You have come to the right place. Many of us felt alone until we joined this forum and saw that others are in the same boat. Many of us were happy about the prospect of a ready-made family that we would be part of, especially when there are grandkids! Oh no, those kids are nothing more than pawns to dangle in front of dad to make sure the skids get their way.

These three woman are upset about sharing their father with a 4th woman.

Forget about the dream of the ready-made family. Some of the kids may come around if they realize they are going to see their dad even less as a result. The most important thing is if your DH has your back. So many of us are because our DH's walked the fence between their new and old families trying to make everyone happy, which in the end made no one happy.

Stay away from them as much as possible. Read up on relational aggression. With three women, there will be lots of planning and plotting about what they can do to cause trouble. And men are not wired to pick up on this the way women are.

Know that you are not alone - most of us have been through this treatment from Skids. A lot of us, including me have a DH who is non-confrontational when it comes to their kids. You are going to have to be the one to set boundaries with both the skids and DH. Inform DH that you will no longer place yourself in a position of being ignored or treated poorly, and fully expect mutual respect while they are in the home that you share with him.

I went through this for years with SD before putting my foot down. I disengaged. There are several degrees of disengagement. Sometimes it means ignoring them as they do you. Sometimes it means they stay away from your home, you refrain from going to family events and DG goes to visit them away from your home. For all of us who have disengaged, we have simply taken the Skids out of our heads.

When we disengage many of our spouses will 'gas-light' us. They will say they didn't see it or that you are too sensitive. The photo-shop incident is too obvious to let go and seems a bit malicious. Sure, SD may be worried that her Mother may see the picture but then take it down all together.

This isn't about you at all. You are just a convenient whipping post/scape-goat for problems that originated a long time before you came into the picture (Sorry for the pun). Your DH should be the one to clue his kids in that you and your marriage are his top priority but if he is anything like my DH he won't have the courage to do it. So you have to think about what makes you happy and let them take a flying leap.

I was divorced with no children for decades. I thought it would be awesome to acquire some GKs via marriage. How wrong I was.

DH asked me to try to accept his son as his second wife despised him. Well I tried but his son is truly a worthless human being. Pond scum.

But I did try for a few years. I did a lot for SS, for his GF and their child. Only to be brutally betrayed. Ss32 is who he is. He’s not going to be a decent human being at least in my life time.

So I have now removed SS, the GF and yes even the child from my life for the past year. DH is free to see them as he wishes. It’s working beautifully as far as I am concerned.

We have the same step daughters! What keeps me sane is to remember I didn't marry them. I married my husband. I am not their mother and I don't even consider myself their stepmother. They refer to me as "dad's wife" therefor that's what I have become. The only thing I am concerned with is my husband. They don't like something oh well they need to tell him. If they try to complain to me I send them to him. At first he got annoyed with this but once he realized me not dealing with them or catering to them made me happier and therefor our marriage happier he started handling them. When they come to visit he grills out and I will help with the fixings. That way I'm not their servant I am his helper.

Stop thinking of yourself as anything other then your husbands wife. You married him to be his wife not their step mother. He is your only concern.

You do have to know when it is hopeless. You learn your happy family fantasy was only that to you. You thought they could like you, most people really do. Only...no, not happening, not this time, for most of us- never.

They are not nice people, and they have a history of it; not just to me. That likely applies to your case, as well. But the blame lies with my DH who allowed them the power to treat me like the bas.....d family member to be loathed and ignored, regardless of attempts I made to be included. I owe DH nothing. I owe them nothing.

Neither do you. Find your peace by never putting yourself back into this bully triangle, affirmed by your husband . He is no parent, no father and a dismal failure as a husband to you, with respect to his enmeshed kids.

You must protect yourself. Nobody, including your DH will do it for you (the hardest thing to accept), but accept it and put boundaries in place to protect your own happiness regardless of who likes it or not....

You, nice lady, are not alone....most of us are living the dream...;-)

You are a stranger to them, they ignore you, ignore them back, you married their father not them. Stop texting them in total.

Stop inviting OSD for dinners, she's a grown woman... if you invite them for dinner, make sure it's all 3 skids on one night with Daddy, then there will be spouses you can talk to, and these family dinners only every 2nd or 3rd month.

If DH invites them over, DH needs to do the cooking,

SImply disengage from these woman, they are not your friends, they are nothing to you, you are nothing to them... you are trying to hard simply ignore them. Make sure you have your husbands attention and that he knows.. your birthday he will be there, his birthday will be for the 2 off you, you are the wife, you host his birthday, not one of his daughters, this goes for Christmas as well, you are the wife you host.

Advice - Here's what worked for me: - Laugh it off.
- Just knowing I am a good person and do not have to put up with the hatefulness the 3 adult steps I have had to deal with.
- Don't expect adult steps to come around and want to play happy family.
- Talking to your DH and being able to express how you feel.
- My DH dealt with the adult steps when they were nasty to us and me after a while. Whenever I would try and defend myself the adult skids would be even nastier to me and my DH. They are my DH's brood, not mine. So, why should I have to talk to them when they are hateful?
- Having my Dh on the same team and him being able to understand where I am coming from.
- Being supportive and empathetic of my DH. My DH would like a happy family, and feels bad his brood is nasty. Listening to DH when he needs to talk about them helped him. He doesn't talk about them much though.
- Presenting a united front with my DH that we are not going to be disrespected by the steps or anyone.
- Knowing our home is our sanctuary. Our home is not ever going to a crashing pad, hotel, restaurant or bank to the adults steps or the gskids. Never-ever. They are and will never be given keys to our home or alarm codes - Never.
- Disengaging from the adult skids. Not giving them the time of day. Why should I? They hate me and made that clear. No holidays with them, no parties of theirs, no vacations with them, no gift buying for them or the gskids. They have not appreciated anything I have ever done for them.
- When busy-body relatives of the skids that have been brainwashed by the skids try to butt into our business, ensuring DH sets them straight with the fact the adults skids are not as perfect and nice as they pretend to be. These adult skids have done nothing but put me down to DH's relatives.

"when I first met my husband I thought how wonderful that he has 3 grown up daughters, I thought we might’ve been able to go out for coffees shopping etc, wow how wrong was I."

You remind me of me when I first married DH. I was so optimistic and thought "oh this will be easy, ss's are grown we can all be friends and the youngest has kids so I'll get to play grandma."

Reality is that ss's are emotionally stunted adults who never got over the divorce or the hope that DH and BM would get back together. I was seen as an intruder into their family even though DH and BM were divorced 10 years before. ss32 (the oldest) was the worst and acted like a jealous child because I had minor children living with us. DH tried to assuage his own guilt and *equalize* things by treating ss and I the same. Anything DH did for me he also did for ss32. Paid his bills, gave him money, tried to move him in... DH treated me very sterile when in their presence. It was extremely confusing to me for the first 2 years of our marriage. I had no idea how to navigate step family dynamics. Counseling helped me, I went DH didn't.

I then disengaged largely w/out talking to DH about it, just stepped back and handed the responsibility of his relationship with his children back to him.

"I’m at the point where I just give up, I feel damed if I do and damed if I don’t about trying to make an effort with them."

They've shown you that their relationship is with their father and you're just an annoying inconvenience. A 32 yr old woman getting jealous about your son being in a photo and not her is pure immaturity. Another child in a photo with HER father, blasphemy! ss26 is a married man with his own kids and is weirdly jealous of my 11yr old. Anytime they're around each other ss26 regresses into a snotty teen and tries to start an argument with him. It's really weird so I try to keep them apart. They're jealous of any attention DH gives to my kids or I. Thank god I disengaged and dh mainly deals with his own offspring.

For a second I thought this was my post! Exactly my situation. I have had to sit at a table and listen to memory lane. Every time we are all together it is conversations that only include DH. The Sgrandkids do not acknowledge me except to play games or ask for something to drink. But I never get a thank you for any gifts etc.

I have disengaged by not calling. Not texting. Not initiating any contact. Not buying gifts or cards, etc. That is all on my husband. Valentines came and went. I used to try and invite the ones near by for lunch, etc. - never wanted to be a mother to them. I have kids, don't need anymore...just wanted a friendship and respect. I stopped asking my husband how they are doing, if he wants to invite them out to dinner, etc. I don't even try anymore - period.

I also thought since they were adult stepkids - they will see that I treat their father with love and respect and they will respect me in return. NOPE! They will send group texts that include BM and I am always excluded. They act as if they are still one big happy family despite the fact that the BM has someone else in her life. Oh and believe me, I have noticed the difference in how the BM's husband is treated versus how I am treated.

This forum has helped me to realize it isn't me and that it is okay for me to only focus on me, my kids and my grandchildren. Their loss not mine - I tried - they didn't.